The Lonely Hearts Club
by shygirly
Summary: Carby! Abby has just gotten seperated and Carter has just gotten divorced. I decided to continue the story! check out the next chapter.
1. departure

AN: This fic is a little different. It's Carby in a very different situation than on the show. Abby is just getting separated from her husband and they have a son; and she is a doctor. Carter has just moved to Chicago after getting divorced and he has a daughter. Carter comes to work at county. Read to see what happens. It will be Carby, I promise.

Oh, and to my "A Second Chance" and "Road to Recovery" Fans, the next chapters that I wrote for both those stories were accidentally erased from my computer. And you know how much it bites to have to rewrite something that you worked on for so long, so I am going to take a break from them and finish in a little while. This should hold you over though. Hopefully, it will be even better. Thanks for reading.

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine

Chapter One

Abby's POV

I throw some empty boxes onto the carpet and sit down next to them on an already packed one. I've been packing for what seems like hours. I can't believe that I am moving my husband out of our house tonight. We've been married about seven years now, but this marriage hasn't worked for well over five of those years. I know that I have stayed in it because I am afraid of what's out there. This is comfortable. I know Trent and I love him and it is so hard to turn away from that. We have had such trouble through these past seven years though. I think we have survived almost every hardship that a marriage can go through, well I don't even know if you can say that we survived, considering the fact that he is moving out. I have become a doctor with a hard schedule that doesn't agree with his schedule of litigating. I have also had a miscarriage, which turned out to be a pregnancy that Michael didn't even want. We went through a whole year of miscommunications, horrible fighting and accusing each other of infidelity as well. And through all of this we have been raising a son. What an environment to raise a child. I have probably scarred my little boy for life, how can I ever forgive myself? Our fighting hasn't seemed to affect Jake that much; fortunately he is one of the most confident, well adjusted children I know.

I never pictured that this marriage would end up divided, I never wanted my son to have two houses and two separate families, this is something that I never planned for. I guess what's comforting to me is knowing that this isn't the end just yet. This is only a trial separation. Trent will be just around the corner at a hotel. Maybe this wont end up the way I think it is going to. Maybe this separation will make us realize that we can't live without each other. Maybe a month away from me will remind him of how good he's got it at home with his family. God knows right now, he has no idea what he is going to miss. I'm not even sure that he will miss me; I know he will miss our son though. He has been the light of our lives since he was born nearly six years ago; he has really been the glue that has held us together. Some people stay together for the sake of the children, well I think that's us. I love my husband, but it seems like we just can't make it work. We haven't been fighting recently, but that doesn't even seem to be the problem anymore. There is just no passion, no caring, no holding each other, no joy shared; there is sex though, but no making love. This relationship is lifeless, but it's what I know and it's scary to think that it could end. I could be a 36 year old single mother. I guess these next couple of weeks are going to show me what its like to be divorced.

I finish taping up the last box and place it on top of the other ones in the corner. I do everything for this man; I even packed his bags to leave. Its six thirty and he should be home with Jake any minute now. I crash out on the couch and look around the room. It feels empty here and I am all of the sudden apprehensive about him leaving.

"Mommy!" I turn to the door and I smile at the sight of my son rushing into my arms.

"Hi baby" I hug him tightly and reach around him wiping my wet eye to keep from crying; I don't want him to see me upset. I see Trent walk in after him and loosen his tie around his neck. I mouth a hello to him and then close my eyes as I cuddle my baby.

"Mommy, I drew this picture of you and daddy today." I look at the picture, it's quite interesting. It looks like he has drawn us hugging each other. I don't even remember the last time he saw us show affection towards one another.

"What did you draw sweetie?" I try to smile at my son, but I am forcing it too much and to someone a little older, I probably would sound fake.

"Well Mrs. Lawson told us to draw our wish." I stand up and share a look with Trent. We both know now that we have damaged our son and it feels even more horrible than any of the other stupid bull shit that I have been through with his father. A tear escapes from my eye as this situation starts to present its self as a sadder one than I thought it would be. Jakes father is going to leave tonight and I still don't know what I am going to tell him when he asks where his daddy is.

I watch as Trent runs up the stairs to change his clothes. I left him something to change into on our bed and the rest of his stuff is waiting for him down here at the door. I pick up a box and start to pack his car with them as he grabs a couple of other things that he needs in the bedroom. This is surreal.

I hear footsteps approaching behind me as I lean into the car to straighten out the boxes to fit a couple more. I feel Trents arms encircle my waist from the back of me; this is probably the first physical contact I have had from him in weeks. It feels odd, like I am this abused person that isn't used to being touched by another human, it's not normal anymore. I cringe at his touch, not so much because I don't want it, but because it is surprising and uncomfortable.

"Now that I'm leaving, I'm kind of feeling like I don't want to go." He whispers into my back.

"You have to go Trent" I pull his arms off of me as I turn around to face him and let the tears fall from my face. He moves to wipe them but I push his hand away. I won't let him comfort me when he is the source of all of my pain. This isn't how I am going to heal. It's not that I am not angry at him right now, this move out is actually rather civil. Maybe that's because we have hope that in the end everything will work out. And maybe everything won't work out. As much as I love my husband, I know in my heart that he will never change and I probably won't either. I will never be the person he wants me to be and he will never be the husband I need him to be. Maybe the hope is that we will both move on and find other people that fit us better to share our lives with.

"I'll talk to you tomorrow about when I can have Jake this week." I nod my head at him and look down at the ground as he gets in his car and drives away.

A couple hours later I am in my big bed alone for the first time in a long time. It's cold and empty and lonely as I lie awake and stair at the clock. My door creeks open and I turn my head to see a tired little Jake walking up to the bed in his bright yellow Sponge Bob p.j's. I turn the bedside lamp on as he rubs his eyes to adjust to the light.

"Mommy, where did daddy go?" I take a deep breath. Jake is too young to understand that we are separated, although I'm sure he'll figure it out at some point, but well cross that bridge when we get to it.

"Jakey, daddy has to work on a big case for the next couple of weeks so he needs to be in a very quiet place where he can concentrate really hard, so he went to stay at a hotel for a little while. But you are going to see him very soon, baby, okay"

"Can I sleep here with you then" I smile at him. He is just what I need now, my little man.

"Hop in"


	2. arrival

AN: Okay, I messed up on something. So here is the explanation: I first named Abby's husband "Michael", but I changed it to "Trent" because I didn't want people to get confused that it might be Michael Gallant, because it isn't. So I think that I forgot to change one of the "Michaels" to "Trent". There is no Michael in this story. Sorry for the confusion.

Chapter Two

Carters POV

I walk into my brand new kitchen of my brand new home and pour myself a glass of water. I've been unpacking my stuff for most of the day. Moving is the most tiring thing that I have ever done, it is especially tiring when you are moving half way across the country. I drove for two days straight, from Colorado to Chicago, wow what a nightmare. I was by myself the whole time, just me and my music. I guess I have to get used to being by myself, seeing as I am a newly single father. Although Lexi will live with me most of the time, I will have to fly her out to see her mother at least twice a month. That's a lot to ask of a seven year old, but she is the bravest kid I have ever known. She has been pretty wonderful through this divorce as well, she had a hard time with me separating from her mother, but I know that deep down, she knows that her parents weren't right for each other. I also think that she knows in her heart that her mother was never meant to be a mother. That's why she will live with me most of the time.

I took a chance moving here, I had to get out of Colorado to start a new life for myself and my daughter. We are a new family, one that will have less arguing and more love. We only know one person here. I did my residency with a friend and she got me an attending job at County General. Its nerve racking, coming into new territory and bossing around people that have worked there for years, but I guess I will have to get used to that, besides Susan said that the staff is great. I'm sure they will be welcoming.

I look around this big house, maybe I didn't need to buy something so big. It's empty and lonely, but I'm sure it won't feel that way once I pick Lexi up from the airport next week. She is staying with her mother until I can get us settled here. I am hiring some painters to paint her room pink this week, before she gets here so I can surprise her. I'll also go out and get her a new bed with a canopy, the whole nine yards; I guess the key to this move is to make her feel special in her new environment.

I can't believe my life has led me to Chicago, I don't know this place at all and I am a little bit apprehensive about starting over. I was married for seven years and I don't think I should have ever even been married at all, at least not to Ali. She isn't someone I would have chosen to spend my life with but she got pregnant, and I wanted us to be a family. Although Lexi was an accident she is the best thing that ever happened to me, but her mother was not. I don't even know how we lasted this long, things never even worked for us from the beginning. I Loved Ali but she took so much out of me, she drained me, I was lifeless with her. Ali never even wanted to be a mother, she wasn't good at it all, and she wasn't interested in being better. I fed Lexi, I changed her diapers, I put her to sleep at night. I took her to the park and the zoo; I always wanted to be a family but Ali didn't. I think she missed the single life, a life without responsibility. She probably cheated on me numerous times, I don't even care. Well she has a single life now and I have my little girl and a new hope that I can find someone out there that is perfect for me.

I walk into County General and it's packed with patients, but this doesn't bother me because I'm used to working fast. I am a great doctor, which is one thing that I am absolutely confident about. I walk up to the front desk and look around to see if I can find Susan but there is no way I can find her in this mad house. I flag down a nurse that's approaching the desk.

"I'm looking for Dr. Lewis" I must sound confused.

"Take a seat in chairs, the triage nurse will come see you in a couple of minutes"

"Ah, no, I'm a doctor, Carter, the new attending"

"Oh, sorry" She looks embarrassed, probably because she knows I'm her new boss. She extends her hand for me to shake it. "I'm Sam, Um Susan's in the lounge; it's that second door on the right"

"Thanks, nice meeting you Sam." I wave back at her as I walk into the lounge. I open the door and I almost don't recognize the person I am here to see.

"Susan, you're pregnant!"

"Ya, I thought I'd surprise you."

She gets up to hug me and I immediately feel welcomed.

"Where's Lexi, I want to see how much she has grown!"

"She's going to fly out in a couple days; I wanted to get settled here first. I need to find her a school and daycare and a nanny . . . I've got a lot to do" Okay, I'm a little stressed.

"Well Abby has a son around her age, you can ask her where she sends Jake." I laugh at Susan; I don't know any of these people. This is the first time I feel vulnerable, a little lost, I need to get to know this place and fast.

"So when are you due?"

"About two months"

I follow Susan out of the lounge and into the crazy hospital to get the tour. We walk through the peds room, through the exams rooms and into a busy trauma room. There are so many people here; I don't know how I am going to get to know all of them.

"This is Dr, Carter everybody, your new attending." Everybody lifts up a gloved hand and then gets back to their work; I smile at them and then turn around to follow Susan out the swinging doors. We walk by half a dozen doctors, one of them particularly cute catching my eye.

"Oh, hey Abby, this is John Carter, new attending, this is Dr. Lockhart." She turns around quickly and waves a hand.

"Welcome" She says it flatly, no smile and walks away. Okay, so maybe her appearance is the only cute part about her.

"Don't take it personally, she's been in a bad mood all day." I shake my head at Susan and walk back up to the front desk to sign myself in.

"Take it easy today, get to know the place and stick with another attending in traumas till you familiarize yourself with where everything is. I'm really glad you're here."

Susan is great. I am so thankful to have a friend like her.

She walks away and I am left alone for the first time. I look around the hospital and walk over to the board to sign up for my first patient. Here goes!

Its seven hours later and so far everything is going smoothly, I have met mostly everyone that works here and yes, Susan was right, they are all great. I feel at home here already, I think this transition will be quite easy.

I walk outside to get some fresh air and sit down next to the only unfriendly person I have met so far. Maybe she's in a better mood now.

"Hey" I give her a gentle smile, one that says "I won't bite". She smiles as she looks out into the ambulance bay.

"I'm sorry if I wasn't very nice before, it's been a tough day" She turns to look at me.

"Did you get stuck in some of those traumas for a while?" That's probably not what has brought her down, but what else am I going to say.

"Something like that" Yep, I was right.

"So, Susan says that you have a little boy." She perks up when I mention her son.

"Ya, Jake, he's almost six, you?"

"Lexi, she's seven, she's the greatest kid" She nods her head at me; she knows what its like to be a proud parent.

"So, what has brought you to Chicago?"

"I don't really know actually. I just got divorced . . . and I needed a change." I just realized that that is the first time I have said that out loud, I am divorced. It kind of feels good in an odd way.

"I'm sorry"

"Don't be, this is the best thing that has happened to me in a long time" I smile at her and she laughs, why beat around the bush when you know what it is you should say.

"Well, welcome" She gets up from the bench "For real this time" She smiles kindly at me, this woman is adorable. It's not like I know her at all, but something tells me that she is troubled. She probably got in a fight with her husband or something. If anyone knows what that's like, it's me. Maybe after I get to know her, Lexi can play with her son. She doesn't have any friends here and I know that she's going to need one.

I walk into the lounge at the end of my shift and spot Susan on the couch.

"Hey, you're still here?"

"Not really, I went home for ten of the hours that you just worked."

"Oh, no wonder I didn't see you around" I smile at her warmly, glad that I'm here working with her.

"So how was your first shift?"

"It was really good. Busy. Everyone was really nice though."

She smiles at me and moves to her locker to put her stuff away. I want to ask Susan about Abby but I'm afraid that she'll read into to it more than she should. I'm just curious, but somehow I feel strangely drawn to her, or maybe it is that I just think she's so cute so I have to know about her.

"Um . . . Susan . . . what's the deal with Dr. Lockhart?"

"Oh, she's usually not a bitch like that." She slams her locker door and turns around. "Her husband moved out yesterday." She gives me a sad face, one that suggests that I know how Abby's feeling. I guess I kind of do, but her situation is probably a lot different than mine was.

"That's too bad"

"Not really . . .he's a bit of an asshole. He really doesn't know how good he's got it with her. . . She's one of my best friends and I think she's a little torn apart right now. It's hard to talk to her about it though. I don't think she really wants to let anybody in. I don't think she wants to show her pain so much, ya know"

"I guess we all deal with things our own way"

"Carter, you always know the right thing to say" I smile at her and remain quiet. She walks up to me and grabs my hand in a serious manner.

"I never got to tell you how sorry I was about you and Ali splitting up."

"Its better this way Susan" I pause for a second and then smile to lighten the mood. I let go of her hand as I walk towards the door to leave and I turn around to say one last thing.

"Hey, I'm excited about this. I'm ready to find that perfect fit."


	3. alone

Chapter three

I enter my house after an exhausting shift and take a look around. I almost forgot that Trent moved out last night, but coming home to a half empty house has certainly reminded me. I walk into Jakes room and spot him playing legos on the floor with his nanny. I lean down and kiss his head.

"Hi mommy. Me and Nikki are playing legos!"

"I see that. What are you making?" I bend down and sit next to him. This is our special time that we spend together every evening.

"I'm making a circus!"

"Wow! A circus"

I move to grab some legos to play with my son as I hear the phone ringing loudly in the kitchen. I get up quickly and run to it, picking it up out of breath.

"Hello"

"Abby hi" It's Trent. A small part of me is happy to hear his voice. It's comforting, but I have to find comfort elsewhere if I really want to break away from him.

"Hey"

"How's the baby"

"He's good, asked about you last night. I Um . . . I told him that you had a case that you had to work on so you were going to stay in a hotel for a little while"

"Abby, were going to have to tell him at some point" I cringe at the thought of this. I don't know how to tell him.

"Let's just wait to see where this goes, okay"

"I missed you last night" I want to cry, this isn't fair. I want all this pain to go away.

"I don't want to talk about this yet Trent." Im proud of myself for being strong, for not just saying, "ok, come home!"

"Well, look, Id like to take Jake on Friday evening, maybe he can stay over with me at the hotel."

"Um" I never thought about that. I never thought losing my husband would mean losing my son sometimes also. I guess I have to comply, there's nothing I can do to stop that. Trent has a right to spend time with his son. "Ya, you can come pick him up around six"

"Can I talk to him?"

"Jakey, your daddy's on the phone" I yell across the house and he comes running down the hall like a wild horse.

"My dad, my dad!" He picks up the phone "Dad?"

I can't hear what Trent's saying but all I hear from Jake is "Okay, aha, aha, ya bye"

He hangs up the phone and jumps into my lap.

"I'm going with daddy to the circus on Friday!"

"Wow, the circus!"

"Mom, are you coming too?" I stroke the back of his head and pull him closer to me. I wish I didn't have to cause him this pain.

"No, baby . . . um I'm going to go with Auntie Susan on Friday"

"But I want you to come mommy!"

"Sweetie, you know what . . . I think that you are going to spend some time with me alone and some time with daddy alone for the next couple of weeks, okay"

He looks at me in confusion. He doesn't understand and I don't think I can make him.

"Are you mad at daddy?"

"No, sweetie, I'm not mad at daddy. But we are maybe going to live in two different houses for just a little while." I lie to him, I am mad at Trent, but I can't exactly tell my six year old son that. I'm angry and I'm biter and I don't want this. I don't want to be divorced; I don't want to be a single mother. I want to have a family again; I want to be in love. I want to raise my child with a man that I'm crazy about. This isn't going to happen with Trent.

I lightly pick up jakes sleeping form from the floor in the den where he fell asleep watching TV. He usually falls asleep here. I lean over him, placing him in his bed and kissing his nose. I sit down next to him and watch him as he sleeps peacefully. What would I do with out my little angel? I already have anxiety about him staying with Trent on Friday. I will truly be all by self on a Friday night with nothing to do. How pathetic am I! I take a deep breath and walk out of him room and down the hall. My child is asleep and I have nothing to do in a big empty house all by myself.

I wake up to a blaring alarm clock and immediately pop out of bed. I want to get up and out of the house these days, anything to avoid being home alone. I walk into the hospital trying to put on a new face today. I don't want to be in a bad mood again, I don't want everybody to think that I'm a bitch. I scan the hospital looking for Susan; I think that I'm finally ready to talk to someone about this separation. Susan is my best friend and if I can't talk to her, I will never be able to talk about this with anyone. I pad my way into the lounge and spot a locker left open, no one around. I step closer to close it and see a lone picture hanging on the inside of it. It's Dr. Carter and who I think is his daughter, an adorable little girl with blond hair and blue eyes. He's not so bad himself. Actually he's a very good looking man. I close his locker and walk up to the coffee machine to pour myself some breakfast; I haven't been able to eat much these past couple of days and I'm starting to really thin out. Good thing skinny is in, because I'm definitely on my way there; and if I'm going to be single, I need to look good. I sit back on the couch and sip my hot coffee, taking my time because I'm early for my shift. I start to drift off into a daze when I hear the door screech open and see Dr. Carter walk in.

"Morning Dr. Lockhart" So this guys got a great smile.

"Abby, please" Okay, I can do this friendly thing.

"Abby" He repeats and then gestures towards himself "John, or Carter, as Susan calls me. Did I leave my locker open?"

"Ya, I closed it, you don't want to leave your locker open at a county hospital" We share a smile. "Your daughter's adorable" I gesture towards his locker "I saw the picture"

"Thank you." He turns a chair towards the couch and sits down. "Do you have any pictures of Jake?" He remembered my sons name; I don't know why that surprises me, but it does.

"Ya, actually I do." I get up and open my locker, pulling out a picture of my pseudo happy family and handing it to him. He smiles as he looks at it closely.

"Is that your husband?"

"Probably, my soon to be ex-husband"

"Probably?"

"Well. . .we just got separated" He nods his head at me and gives me an "I know how it is" look. I don't know why I all of the sudden feel comfortable telling this guy that I may be getting divorced. Until this moment I haven't wanted to say it out loud.

"I'm sorry" I nod my head at him as he hands the picture back to me.

"So, how did you like your first day here?" I change the subject to something a little lighter, giving him a smile.

"I was great. Everybody has been really nice. I'm still trying to figure out where I can get a descent cup of coffee though."

"Well don't look in the hospital cuz you wont find it here. There's a coffee shop across the street though."

"Well maybe on your break you'll let me buy you a cup?" I'm taken by surprise, it's just a cup of coffee, but this guy is so sweet.

"Sure" I flash him a smile and walk out of the lounge to start my shift.

Its hours later as I step out of the hospital to take a quick break from a flood of obnoxious patients. I spot Carter sitting on the bench and I grab a seat next to him. I like him. He seems like a genuinely nice guy, and Susan says he's great, so that must mean he really is. He seems so easy to talk to as well, or maybe it's just easier for me to open up to him because I don't know him. Maybe it's the fact that he's newly divorced and I think that I identify with him; I don't know. I wonder what the circumstances of his break up were. He seems like a catch.

"Hey" I smile at him and sit back on the bench to rest my head.

"Busy day ha"

"Is it me or are the patients just obnoxious today?"

"It's not you" I'm intrigued by this guy, he just seems to be, I don't know, too nice.

I look over my shoulder and see Susan walking our way. I've been waiting to ask her something all day.

"Hey guys. I hope my two best friends are getting to know each other."

"Yes, we are" I answer her with a smile. "Hey, Suz, you want Friday night off?"

"Sure, what's the catch?"

"Nothing, I'll take your shift" I offer eagerly.

"Why"

"I just want to work that night" She gives me a look that says she doesn't understand, and I don't want to explain it now.

"Well then your stuck with me" Carter chimes in. Fine by me. I just don't want to be home alone when my son leaves for the first night he'll spend with Trent.

"Hey, Chuck and I wanted to invite you guys and the kids over Saturday night for diner."

"Sure" We both say simultaneously.

"Carter, will Lexi be here by then?"

"I'm picking her up from the airport that morning."

"Great" She yells from behind her as she walks back into the hospital.

I walk into the lounge at the end of my shift and pull up a chair next to Susan at the table.

"So what ups with you wanting to work Friday night?"

We're alone now and I feel comfortable telling her. I look over at the door and then to her as she waits for my answer.

"Trent's taking Jake for the night" She nods her head like she gets my drift. I don't have to say anything else. It doesn't take a brains surgeon to figure out that I don't want to be alone.

"Abby, this will get easier" She covers her hand with mine as I wipe my eye to keep from letting a tear fall.

"I know, I keep telling my self that. I just never thought this would be so hard" She rubs my back and I let her comfort me. I take a deep breath and try my best to stop the tears from coming down. I am an emotional wreck and for the first time, I'm letting it show. I shake my head and look down at the table. "I don't know where to go from here" She pulls me into her arms and I surprisingly let her do so. I'm over with holding in all my feelings, it hasn't gotten me anywhere.

I lift my head from Susan's shoulder as I hear the door open and I quickly wipe my eyes before turning around. I don't want anyone to know that I was crying. I look down at the floor, noticing Carters shoes as Susan lets me go.

"Hey, call me later okay" I nod my head at her as she walks out the door and step towards my locker. I see carter look my way with a concerned look on his face, I can tell that he's hesitant to ask me what's wrong.

"Abby, you okay" He reaches out and touches my arm gently.

I sniffle a little and try to avoid eye contact with him. I don't know why, but I am embarrassed that I'm crying. I don't think I want anyone to picture me as weak, I guess I don't want anyone but Susan to know that I'm having a hard time.

"Ya, um, I'm fine." I shake my head at him and allow myself to look his way. I feel like I am exposing myself, I'm naked and I don't like it. He looks me in the eye and then moves closer to the door.

"If you ever want to talk about anything-

He doesn't finish his sentence as he waits for response from me before he leaves. I look over at him and nod a thank you and then I am alone.


	4. getting to know you

Chapter four

I walk up to Susan's house, Lexi holding my hand tightly, a little shy on her first night here. I knock on the door and chuck answers.

"Hey man"

"Hey chuck, you remember Lexi"

"Well hi pretty lady" He bends down to her level.

"Hi" She hides behind me a little as we walk inside. She's not usually like this, but I need to give her some time to warm up. Once she meets Abbys son, she'll probably open up a little with another kid around.

I walk inside and the home is inviting, candles lit and the smell of a home cooked meal permeating throughout the house.

"Hi guys!" Susan hasn't seen Lexi in over a year.

"Lex, you know Susan!" Susan bends over to hug her as Abby walks in behind me.

"Hey" I turn around to greet her. This is the first time I have seen her outside of work. Her hair is down, and she is wearing a pair of tight jeans and boots. She looks beautiful. I've gotten to know her a little bit more in the last couple of days. We haven't talked too personally though; she seems a little bit closed off. I don't blame her, she is going through a really tough time and her son must be having a tough time as well.

"You must be Jake" He shakes his head. He's adorable; he looks just like his pretty mom. "I heard you went to the circus last night" Jake gives me a big smile.

"Jake this is my friend John, he works at the hospital with me" She bends down to talk to him and smiles, her hair falling in her face. "Tell him about the circus"

"The elephants stood on each others backs and then they all stood on a ball in the middle of the ring!" He makes big gestures with his hands.

"Wow, how cool! Hey Jake, this is my daughter Lexi" I pull her over in front of me.

"I went to the circus last night" This kid is hilarious and outgoing. The two kids run off to the television as Abby hurries into the kitchen to help Susan set the table.

An hour later, the kids have finished their dinner and are back in front of the television, the four adults still talking around the table. This is just what I needed in my first week here. Chuck is great and Abby is great. I've got two more friends in this new city and I'm starting to feel at home here; and by the looks of it, Lexi is too.

"So, when's the wedding" I ask Susan and she looks over at chuck.

"Well, we don't know, if we were going by the examples that you two have set for us, we probably won't get married at all"

Abby and I both laugh at ourselves. I'm glad she's got a sense of humor about this. This is probably the first time I have seen her laugh. I think I'm quite attracted to her. This is definitely someone that I would want to date if she wasn't separated and still contemplating going back to her husband. Abby gets up from the table to clear it and I get up to help her so Susan can relax. I walk behind her and set the plates down on the sink and as she turns around and bumps right into me, her hands pushing off my chest. I grab her elbows to steady her as she laughs a little. I stand over her and look down smiling as she smiles back.

"Mommy" Jake runs into the kitchen breaking our moment, or at least what I thought might be a moment.

"Yes baby" You can tell how much she adores her son.

"Can Lexi come over to our house to go swimming?" She turns her son my way.

"Sure, why don't you ask her daddy when she can come"

"When can Lexi come over?"

"How about tomorrow afternoon" I look past Jake at Abby to see if that's ok. She shakes her head yes and smiles as Jake runs back into the den yelling, "Lexi, they said tomorrow!"

I give Abby a look that suggests her son is a great kid.

"He's a womanizer, takes after his dad" she says sarcastically with a smile.

I knock lightly on Abby's door as I inspect the outside of her house. It's a nice piece of property, her husband must be doing very well in the money department, because doctors now a' days don't make what they used to. She answers the door in a pair of jean shorts and flip-flops, her long blond hair piled on top of her head. She gives me a warm smile as Jake runs past her and out the door to greet Lexi.

"Lexi, did you bring your bathing suit?"

He is so excited that she's here. Lexi shakes her head at him and lifts her shirt to show him that she is already wearing one.

"Hey" I smile at Abby and walk inside after the kids.

"Hey, Jakes been talking about Lexi ever since we left Susan's last night. I think he has a crush"

"Well Lexi had her bathing suit on at eight o'clock this morning." We smile at each other. It's great that Lexi has a friend here. It's great that I have a friend here.

I follow Abby as we walk through the house and out the double doors to the pool. We take a seat at the table outside as she hands me a coke and a glass of ice. Jake takes a running start and jumps right into the pool, making a silly pose on his way in. Lexi slowly walks in using the steps like a little lady. I watch Abby pour her diet coke into her glass of ice while she keeps one eye on the kids; she shakes her head and sits upright looking out at her son.

"Jakey, you know the rule. You can not go into the deep end unless I'm in the pool with you."

"Well when are you coming in then?"

"I'm not coming in this time so you just have to stay in the shallow part"

We sit both facing the pool to watch the kids, they are having a blast together. We make small talk about the hospital and about the kids and then there is a silence. She gets up and walks over to the deep end of the pool signaling me to follow. She slips her thongs off and sits on the edge, dipping her legs into the pool, the whole time never taking her eyes off the children. I sit next to her and do the same. She starts to say something and then hesitates, but then it comes out.

"So, what's the situation with your ex-wife? You don't have to share custody of Lexi?"

Okay, so now I know why she moved us to this end of the pool, this is not a "kids" conversation and they can't hear us over here.

"Its kind of complicated" She rolls her eyes at me, like she isn't going through her own complications. "My ex-wife, Ali, she wasn't really meant to be a mother, but Lexi was the best accident of my life. Ali never bonded with her the way a mother bonds to their child, ya know." She shakes her head as she listens to me. "We got married because I got her pregnant. That was obviously for the wrong reasons." I take a deep breath. "She thought that raising a child was a chore, she didn't want that kind of responsibility. She didn't really want to be a family; she wanted to be single and not tied down to anything. I raised Lexi basically by myself."

"That must have been hard." She lets the water run through her fingers as she looks up at me with a sympathetic expression.

"It was. I don't know . . . the hardest part wasn't raising a child on my own really. There was just this missing piece with Ali. She had this beautiful daughter and a husband that would have done anything to make things perfect, but she didn't see it, she didn't want it. . . Eventually I stopped trying to change that and I gave up and moved out here" I pause for a second and then remember her original question. "So I guess she'll fly out there maybe once a month to see her mother."

I take my eyes off the kids and look at her; I can tell that she is listening closely, thinking about what she is going to say next. I spare her having to respond and ask her about herself.

"So how long have you been separated?" I ask gently, not really knowing if I should go there.

"Trent moved out only six days ago." I actually knew that already, but she probably doesn't know that Susan told me.

"How is Jake taking it?"

"I don't think he really gets what's going on. He thinks that his dad is working on a case and is living in a hotel because he needs to concentrate on his work. I explained to him that he was going to be spending time with his parents separately and he asked me if I was mad at his daddy."

"Ouch, what'd you say?"

"Of course I didn't tell him that his dad is an unappreciative, manipulative, self centered asshole" She smirks at her candidness. "I just said that we are going to live in two separate houses for a while." She pulls her sunglasses off of her head and lets her hair down from its clip, shaking her head to let her hair fall down her back. "How do you tell your six year old son that his parents might be getting divorced?"

I'm not sure if she is really asking me or if that is just a rhetorical question. I'm saved by Jake though, who is squirting us with a water gun from the other side of the pool.

"Jake!!! Stop with the gun, we're soaked" She shouts at him as he jumps back into the pool. I get up and grab a towel, handing it to her as I sit back down.

"Thank you" she wipes her arms and hands it back to me so I can wipe myself off, then she grabs her wet hair to pull it out of her face. I look at her as she closes her eyes, pulling her blond locks into a clip. How can anyone not want this woman? She is beautiful and sweet and smart and sexy. Her husband must be a real ass.

"Daddy, I'm done swimming" Lexi walks over to me with her towel, handing it over so I can wrap her up warmly in it. Abby does the same with Jake pulling him into her lap and attacking him with kisses. She is a great mom, the kind of mother that Lexi needs, the kind that I wish she had.

"You guys want peanut butter and jelly sandwiches?" She offers with a voice full of sunshine. She is really good at appearing unfazed by her current situation. I just hope those smiles she flashes aren't fake, because they're beautiful and they seem so genuine.

"Ya!!" They shout simultaneously.

I watch Abby walk into the house, the phone ringing as she steps inside to answer it. She is at the kitchen phone which is only about ten feet away from the table outside where I am sitting with the kids. I hear half a conversation as Jake and Lexi sip their juice and laugh together.

"Hello . . . I'm fine . . .Trent, I told you I didn't want to talk about that yet . . . I can't tonight . . . I don't know, um, maybe some time this week. . . ya"

She sticks her head out the door.

"Jakey, daddy's on the phone"

His face lights up as he jumps from his chair and runs into the house; Abby sitting down next to me at the table and handing Lexi a sandwich. It seems like her husband calling has just brought her down a little.

"Everything okay?" I ask her concerned but I hope she doesn't think that I'm prying. She shakes her head yes and gives me a roll of her eyes that tells me that she wasn't so happy to hear from him right now.

"So Lexi, what do you think of Chicago so far?" She brushes it off; she's a pro at this.

"It's good. I like the swimming pool. We didn't get to go swimming that much in Denver."

"Well you can come swimming here anytime you want"

Lexi smiles at her with wide eyes as she takes a big bite of her sandwich. I move to gather up our things as Jake comes running out of the kitchen in a hurry.

"Mommy! Mom! Can I sleep at daddy's hotel tomorrow night?!"

She looks off at the pool for a second and then back at Jake. I can tell that she doesn't want him to go.

"Sure baby, tell daddy to pick up some clothes for you on his way home from work tomorrow."

"Will you come too mommy, it will be like were on vacation!"

"No, Jakey I'm going to work tomorrow night."

"But you never come with me and daddy" He whines a little and Abby cuts him off.

"Daddy's waiting on the phone baby, go tell him"

Jake runs back in the house and I suddenly remember seeing the hospital schedule for tomorrow, Abby's name was absent from the night shift. I bet she is going to try to switch her shift so she doesn't have to be alone. I would love to invite her over for diner, but I don't think it's the appropriate time.

Jake walks back out of the kitchen and yells for Lexi to follow him as they grab their sandwiches and run over to the swing set, leaving me and Abby to relax at the table. It seems like she's staring off into space a little and I suddenly feel guilty for looking at her the way that I am. She really is adorable and I can't help that I'm attracted to her and that I think she is great, but she isn't an option for me at all, if she could work things out with her husband, that would be best for her family. It seems like she has really been hurt by him a lot though. She can hide it all she wants, but I can see it in her eyes. I'm surprised that she has opened up a little bit to me, but glad about it, I can already tell that we could have a great friendship.

"Thank you for having us, I was kind of worried that it would be hard for Lexi to make friends seeing as school doesn't start for another ten weeks."

"Well, I'm sending Jake to a summer camp at the youth center. Would you be interested in sending Lexi?"

That actually sounds like a great idea. Lexi can spend more time with Jake and maybe I can spend a little more time with his mom.

"Ya, I think she would love that"


	5. the lonely hearts club

Thank you for your awesome reviews!

Chapter Five

I let the water flow over my hips as I relax for the first time this week. I try it take a long bath whenever possible, usually after Jake is asleep at night; it really helps me get rid of some of my stress. I'm not as stressed as I was last week though. Everyday I am getting more and more used to being separated from Trent. Today was actually a good day. Jake had a great time with Lexi and talking to John seemed really easy for me. I haven't had a friendship with a man in a very long time and there is something that feels very comforting about it. I don't only want my son to be friends with John's daughter; I want to be friends with John as well. Although my intentions aren't to date right now, I'm sure Trent wouldn't be too happy about me having a male friend, especially because we have very little trust in our relationship.

I haven't wanted to see Trent since he moved out; I think I'm testing myself. I want to see how long I can go with out seeing him. I want to see if I can make it without him, because I think that I want to be without him. Yesterday, when he called, he asked if he could see me and I told him that I couldn't, but I know I'll have to see him at some point, I know he'll force me to see him if he wants to see me. It's not like he can't come here when ever he wants, this is his house too, and I can't exactly take away his keys.

I wrap a soft towel around myself, pausing as I do so to look at my body for the first time this week in the mirror. I notice my ribs sticking out, I think I have gotten too skinny. I haven't had an appetite lately and now I look like a skeleton. I guess I am going to have to make myself eat a little more to gain back a little weight.

I walk into the hospital actually looking forward to my shift. It's easy to be here now, everything is routine. I know how to treat my patients; it comes easy to me like its second nature. At home I have to think about life, I have to sit with my feelings and all I have been trying to do lately is not feel. I walk into the lounge to put my stuff in my locker and I am immediately called out of the lounge and into a trauma. I run into the room, holding my stethoscope around my neck to keep it from bouncing. Carter is barking out order to nurses as he waits for me to assist him.

"What do we got" I flash carter a hello smile quickly.

"GSW to the left femur and right chest, Abby, can you put in a chest tube"

"Chest tube tray and I need some suction over here, Chuny" She hands me the tray and I work quickly. I realize that this is the first time I have ever worked with John in a trauma. This one is pretty intense and we start to loose him. John grabs the paddle and shocks the kid twice bringing back our patient, but only for a minute. We work hard to get the patients heart pumping again, I quickly cut open the right chest and Carter grabs his heart in his hands, my hands on top of his helping him massage. Our eyes lock as we look at each other across the patient, silently communicating to each other that we are going to save this patient if it is the last thing we ever do.

Twenty minutes later we get a pulse on the monitor, the patient is stabilized and is wheeled off to the elevator to go up to the O.R. John lifts his hand to give me a high five and I reach for him as well. We are pumped and proud of ourselves.

"For the first time working together in a trauma, we are a very good team!" His tone is full of excitement.

"I was just thinking that" We smile at each other as we pull our gowns and gloves off and drop them on the floor with the rest of the bloody mess. I move over to the sink to wash up a little, Carter right behind me, reaching out and wiping the back of my arm.

"You've got blood on you, hold still" I look down at myself and realize its all over my scrubs. John runs a towel under the water and I flinch as he rubs it down my arm.

"It's cold!"

"Sorry" He laughs at me a little.

"I really need to change my scrub top, it's all over me." I walk up to the cabinet and grab a new top, shedding my dirty one and throwing it into the pile on the floor. I have a tank top on but I don't think carter knows that because like a gentleman he has turned around to give me privacy.

"I have a tank top on" I let him know so he can turn back around. "Well, I know that I just got here but I think we deserve a coffee break after that trauma"

"You bet" He smiles warmly, and holds the trauma room door open for me to walk out.

We walk casually by the river, coffees in hand, my eyes focused on the running water beside us. I'm quiet, I think a part of me is a little shy. I don't hang out with men that often. Sure I have relationships with men that are coworkers, but I don't have coffee with them and invite them into my home very often.

"Lexi had a great time with Jake yesterday, and I talked to her about going to camp and she is really excited about that"

"Oh, good, Jake will be thrilled" He nods his head and takes a sip of his coffee. "Why are you here so early if your working tonight"

"Oh, I'm not actually working tonight. That's just what I told Jake so I didn't have to spend the evening with Trent."

"Got ya" I think I trust this guy, he is so nice and genuine, I feel like I can talk to him. I also identify with him, he just split up with somebody; maybe he can offer me some insight on this situation. I think I'm ready to talk a little bit more personally.

"This separation is just a trial, and I think that Trent wants to keep trying to see if we can work this out . . . but I don't really know if I want to try anymore. Its kind of too little, too late, ya know?" It took a while for me to get it out, but this sharing feels okay.

"Oh, I know the too little too, late thing very well. As I was getting into my car to make the trip out here, Ali asked me to stay." I nod my head at him giving him the signal to continue. "I think that we all have those desperate times when we want to hold on, but if you know what's best for you and you're strong enough, you can push right through it and make the right choice, what ever that is." This is just what I thought I would get from John, support and understanding. This is what I need. It feels good to share my feelings with someone and it also feels good to know that he has been through this too. I hesitate for a second, but I tell myself to trust my instincts, I can trust this guy.

"I think the hardest part is trying to refrain from turning to Trent for comfort"

"What do you mean" I think he is interested and wants to hear a more in depth explanation, so I guess I will try to explain the best I can. I take a deep breath first and then speak slowly, choosing my words carefully.

"Well, I miss my husband, but I don't miss him. I just miss the idea of him, and I know that he misses me, but I don't know which way he misses me. We were both having these days when we were just depressed about the path that this marriage has gone down and then we would end up holding each other and pretending that everything is okay just because we're scared to let it go. And then you get this one night of passion, but it just goes away again. And all that it has done is just delay the inevitable." I take a long sip of my coffee and push my bangs put of my face before continuing. "I'm kind of working on not calling or seeing him when I'm at a low point and needing comfort."

"Well it sounds like you're really trying to stay true to yourself"

"I am" I look out at the river and then at John, smiling. I'm really glad I was able to talk to him about this. He looks at his watch and turns away from the water.

"We should head back; I hear that Dr. Weaver is a pistol"

"Oh, she is" We turn around and walk back to the hospital sipping our coffee as the soft wind blows down our pathway.

I walk back to the board as my shift comes closer to an end; the hospital is a pretty dead right now. In a way I wish we could get hit with a major trauma so I can stay and work because I have nothing else to do tonight and Trent has Jake. I don't want to go home to a big empty house. I want to go home and hug my son and play with him and watch cartoons with him and tuck him into his bed tonight. There is nothing at home for me right now and it has to be the most depressing thing that I have felt through all of this. I walk into the lounge and greet Susan who is sitting lazily on the couch resting her feet on the table beside it. She is getting so big; I know she is going to have to stop working any day now. I take a seat down next to her and rub her belly; this brings a smile to my face.

"Hi baby" I talk to her round tummy.

"Hi auntie Abby" Susan says as she places her hand over mine.

"I can't believe your going to have a baby girl in like six weeks." I smile at her and feel a small pang of jealousy. I have a feeling that the baby that I lost a couple years ago was a girl. I wanted her so badly, but Trent didn't, so I guess it wasn't meant to be. I always wanted a big family, or at least one more baby. It would have been amazing for Jake to have a little sister.

"Well I'm ready for her to come out, like last week!" I laugh at her, she always has a great sense of humor, even when she's uncomfortable and fat and tired. "So carter told me that he and Lexi had a great time at your house yesterday."

"Really?" I don't know why I am so surprised, I guess I thought I was a little bit of a downer, but it's good to hear that he didn't perceive me that way. She nods her head at me as if she is saying "of course!" I look off into the distance and then look at Susan. "Ya, it was great. The kids swam and we hung out by the pool and talked"

"Well Carter is great. He has really had a couple of hard years dealing with his ex and raising Lexi on his own. He really deserves somebody equally as great." She glances at the door and then looks towards the lockers to our right. "Who can we set him up with?" I can see the wheels in her head turning. "Dr. Corday? No. Dr. Leary? No. I don't know."

"Well maybe he's not ready to start dating yet" I offer this, knowing that I wouldn't be if it were me.

"Oh, he is, he told me he is. He really wants to find somebody. He's got to be lonely, in this new city, ya know" She smiles to her self and then starts to laugh out loud.

"What's so funny" I shoot her a questioning glare.

"Nothing"

"Susan what is it?!"

"Well, I was just thinking that you too can get together and form like, the lonely hearts club" I throw a pillow at her and laugh.

"Well I'm glad this amuses you!"

I walk into an empty house after stalling for almost an hour at work. I plop my purse down on the kitchen table and open the refrigerator to peer inside of it. I'm not hungry but I know that I have to eat something in order to stay healthy. I grab an apple and a can of soup from the pantry and light the stove up to heat my diner. I sit down at the table alone and put my head in my hands. The thought of eating this can of soup right now makes me nauseous. I lift my head back up and pick up a spoon, forcing the hot liquid into my mouth. I take a couple more bites and throw the rest down the sink as the phone rings.

"Hello"

"Mommy!"

"Hi baby, are you having a good time with daddy?"  
"Ya, we rented Finding Nemo"

"Wow, you must have seen that ten times by now!"

"Well it is my favorite"

"So what else are you doing?"

"Nothing, daddy is going to tuck me into bed. I wish you can tuck me in too"

"Me too angel" A lone tear escapes down my cheek as I try to hide the shaky tone of my voice from Jake.

"Good night mommy, I love you"

"I love you too Jakey"

"Here's daddy" I hear him put the phone down on the counter and yell to Trent that he can pick up the phone.

"Hey Abby" He sounds tired.

"Hi" I sniffle a little bit, unable to hold it back for a second.

"You okay?"

"Um, ya, I just miss him" I try to toughen the tone of my voice but it doesn't work too well. I don't want Trent to know that I am having a hard time.

"Oh, I um, thought you were going to say that you miss me." He's trying to charm me.

"Trent" The tone in my voice tells him that I don't want to hear it.

"I'm not pushing Abby, but I do miss you and I have been thinking a lot about us"

"What were you thinking?"

"I think I want you to let me come see you. I want to take you out. I want to go on a date or something"

"I don't know; I. . . um . . . I kind of think that it's too late to just start all over Trent"

"Its not too late Abby, if you still love me."

"I'll talk to you later okay. I'll think about it"

I hang up the phone and stand at the counter for what seems like hours. I just don't know what to do here. Trent wants to make this work but I don't think that he really understands what making this work really entails. I know that he thinks that if he takes me out and we have one incredible night, that everything will be okay again. But that's not how it works. He has to change and he has to stick with it. He can't just show me in one night that he is a different person. And even if he did change, I don't even know if I would want him back, I just don't know if I can fall in love with him again.


	6. helping out

Chapter Six

It's just getting good!

The alarm sounds off at seven o'clock in the morning jolting me out of a dead sleep. Today is the first day of summer camp for Lexi and she has been talking about it non stop since I signed her up. I walk into Lexis bedroom to find her sitting on her bed, fully dressed and ready to go.

"Dad I'm all ready to go, let's go!" She makes me laugh; my little girl is so cute.

"Sweetie, camp doesn't start for another forty-five minutes"

I park the car and look around the youth center trying to figure out where we are supposed to go.

"Lexi!!" I turn my head and spot Jake trying to run across the street as Abby holds him back.

"Jake!" I grab Lexi's hand and cross the street with her.

"Hi guys" Lexi walks over to Abby and hugs her around the waist. "Hey Blondie" Abby says warmly as she wraps her arms around Lexi. It is really great that Lexi has taken to Abby so well. It's a little surprising because she has never had a strong female figure in her life. Lexi grabs Jakes hand and they run ahead of us to get to the other campers.

"Hi" I grab her attention as she makes eye contact with me. "I thought he was with Trent last night"

"Well he was but I wanted to take him to his first day of camp so I picked him up there this morning" Wow, she is such a great mom, so involved with her child, which is a complete one-eighty from Ali. I can't help it, but that quality is so attractive to me. We walk up to the camp groups to make sure our kids are situated and then turn to walk back to ours cars.

"What time is your shift today?" I ask her, hoping that she is working the same time that I am. I like being around Abby. It's easy and we get along well and our children love each other. She looks at her watch and back up at me.

"Um, twenty minutes"

"Well, then I'll meet you there." I smile at her as she pulls her sunglasses on from on top of her head and gets into her car.

Half the day later I walk into the lounge and spot Abby at her locker getting ready to leave.

"Hey, you going to get Jake"

Before she could answer Pratt sticks his head through the door and announces that they need docs in the trauma rooms ASAP. Abby and I share a look, we both have to pick up our kids right now and it looks like if we help out with the traumas were going to be late. We both run into the room and begin working on the patient fast, each one of us checking the clock almost every minute. She looks at the clock one last time and rips her gloves and gown off.

"Run two more units of o-neg. John, I'll go get the kids and you can pick up Lexi at my house when you're done here"

"Thanks Abby."

I pull up to Abby's house and glance at the car clock; it's already six at night. I worked in that damn trauma for three hours and the patient didn't even make it. The worst thing is when you work so long and try so hard and then the patient dies on the table right in front of you. I walk up to the door with almost no energy left in me.

Abby greets me at the door in a pair of sweets and a tight wife beater, her long straight hair cascading over her tan shoulders. She looks skinnier than when I met her ten days ago, a little too skinny.

"Hey, sorry it took so long; we lost the patient in the third hour of working on him"

"Well you're lucky that I would understand that" She jokes with me as she leads me to the kitchen table where the kids are.

"I was just about to give them some diner, do you want to stay and eat? I made some pasta"

"Ya, thank you" I lean over and kiss Lexis head as I sit down next to her.

"So how was your first day of camp guys?"

"Good!" They say together.

"You want to tell me any more about it, or do you just want to say good" I'm sure they have already briefed Abby on their day but I'm going to make them say it all again.

"Well we played soccer and we did gymnastics and we did art-

Jake chimes in too. "And we played basketball and we ate popsicles."

Abby brings a big bowl of pasta to the table and starts to serve the kids, then me and then her, as the kids go on and on about their day. I notice that she puts next to nothing on her plate, but I'll brush it off for right now.

The kids finish their pasta quickly and run off to watch TV in the den, leaving us at the table to finish our meal.

"Coffee?" She gets up from the table and starts towards the machine.

"Definitely, black please" She hands me a mug and sits back down at the table in front of her plate that she barely touched.

"Thank you so much for everything" I offer. I hope she knows how greatful I am.

"No problem really. Lexi is a great kid and Jake just loves having her here"

There is a silence for a minute and I'm not sure about her, but for me it's a little awkward. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I am really attracted to her. Maybe there is the slightest chance that she is attracted to me as well. She smiles so warmly as she sits down next to me at the table, resting her chin on the palm of her hand. If she keeps smiling like that at me, I am going to really fall for her. I wish that she wasn't married; I wish that she had gotten divorced a long time ago so I can ask her out. She seems like somebody that I can really care about, someone that really wants to care for someone else also. She is nurturing and involved and so affectionate with her son. That's what Lexi needs, hell, that's what I need! This is not good; I am developing a crush on somebody that is so untouchable. I need to get out of here, I feel like I might ask her out any minute and I really shouldn't do that.

"I should really get going, it's been a long day" I lie, I really want to stay here forever, but I know I can't. She gets up quickly and for a second, I swear that I can see a look of disappointment on her face. She follows me as I walk into the den where the kids are watching cartoons.

"Lexi, come on sweetie, we've got to get you to bed" She doesn't answer me and as we walk closer I see why. She and Jake are fast asleep on the couch. Abby walks up next to me and sighs audibly and then looks at me as we smile at each other, we both think that our kids are so cute together. Abby walks up to Lexi and kisses the top of her forehead, watching this, my heart starts to beat completely out of rhythm and then it tightens in my chest. I don't even remember when I saw Lexi's own mother kiss her. This woman is so much everything that I am looking for; I have just found her at the wrong time in her life. I think my heart is breaking. I swallow hard as I watch Abby put Lexis jacket on her, slipping her arms into it, while she remains sleeping. I step forward, lifting her limp body into my arms and start towards the front door.

"Thank you again" that's really all I can say; I'm at a loss for words, my heart has jumped into my throat and hindered my speech.

"See you tomorrow" I nod my head and as she watches us get into the car and drive away.

I pull up to our house and pull Lexis body out of the car and into her princess bed. She must be exhausted from her first day at camp. I walk through the half empty house and into my bedroom. I'm still sleeping on a mattress on the floor, I really need to go shopping to fill my house with more furniture. This is the kind of thing I have never done by myself, this is what I need a woman's touch for. But, right now I am craving a woman's touch in a different way though, I need closeness and intimacy. It has been so long since I have had that and a part of me has almost forgotten what it is like. I retire early, because just like Abby, I don't have much to do all by myself. I wish I could spend more time with her. Our kids love each other and we get along great, I think we really understand each other.

I take a quick shower and brush my teeth, then check on Lexi before getting into my pathetic excuse for a bed. I toss and turn for what seems like half the night thinking about how wonderful Abby is. I think that I care about her, I'm actually worried that she's not eating, I didn't really notice how skinny she was getting until I saw her in her tight tank top tonight. She's attractive as hell, but I think that she needs to gain a little bit of weight back before it starts affecting her health. I all of the sudden feel tired; my emotions have taken all my energy away from me and I finally let sleep over take me.

I walk down the halls of the ER, wiping my eyes and slapping my cheeks to try to wake myself up. I was tossing and turning last night. I couldn't get images of Abby out of my head. As much as I am trying not to like her, I am finding that next to impossible. I don't know what I am going to do about that; I guess I have to keep reminding myself not to go there. I look up from my charts and spot Susan and her big belly walking my way with a smile on her face.

"Hey, I haven't seen you in a couple of days, how ya doing?"

"Good, I'm tired as hell, but other than that, I'm good."

"I hear you've been hanging out with Abby and her son a lot"

"Ya, well Lexi and Jake have seemed to hit it off"

"I think you and Abby have hit it off as well" I wonder if Abby told Susan that or if Susan is just assuming it.

"Ya, I guess so, I think we can definitely relate to each other if you know what I mean"

"She wasn't doing so hot last week, but I think she's doing better this week, don't you?" She's looking to me to agree, almost like she's asking me how she is. I think for a while and then respond. "Ya, but have you noticed that she's not really eating and she's lost at least like eight pounds since I met her."

"Well I wouldn't really notice because I thought it was just me that was getting fatter" We both laugh as she strokes her hand over her belly.

"Well don't you think that you should say something to her?" She looks off into space for a second and then reverts her attention back at me.

"You should, you're the one spending time with her and noticing her eating habits so you can, I don't know, catch her in the act"

"I don't really know if I can confront her on that just yet" I'm really not sure if that's the appropriate thing to do.

"Abby's a sweet heart, she'll appreciate your concern" I watch Susan walk away as I slip into the lounge to take a rest on the couch, but it is already taken. Speak of the devil. Its Abby, sprawled out on the couch asleep. A whole sandwich and a half drank cup of coffee on the table next to her. I move to the coffee maker to pour myself a cup and then over to the couch to sit down on the small part that is vacant. She stirs a little as I sit next to her, moving her feet to make some room for me. I sip my coffee and set it on the table as her eyes start to open.

"Uh, I have like no energy today" She starts to talk before she is fully awake.

"Maybe that's because you haven't eaten anything yet" My tone is gently and full of concern.

"Probably" She rolls her eyes at the ceiling.

"Abby, I know that it is absolutely none of my business and if you don't have to say anything if you don't want to" She cuts me off quickly.

"What?"

"It looks like you have lost close to like ten pounds since I met you, and that was only like two weeks ago. I never see you eat anything, you only drink coffee"

"I know, I just haven't been hungry, I'm trying to eat" She motions toward the sandwich showing me that she isn't lying.

"Are you drinking enough fluids?"

"I'm fine John, I'm going to start eating more. I think that I'm getting my appetite back a little, it's just how my body is dealing with all the stress of the separation"

I nod my head at her and she looks at me with sleepy eyes as we sit next to each other in silence. "Thank you" she offers quietly as Susan punches through the lounge door.

"Carter, Abby, there's an MVA rolling up. One critical, three minors. Take the trauma, will you. I don't think my stomach can handle it today"

We get up quickly from the couch grabbing some gowns and tying them in the back of each other as we wait outside for the ambulance. The rig rolls up quickly and Abby jumps inside to asses the patient as I wait down on the ground. The gurney slams through the trauma room doors, this one is a real mess. Abby jumps up onto the railing to get better access because she is short. I look up at her as she works quickly to intubate the patient and I notice that she is a little pasty. She lets a hand fall onto the gurney to steady herself, her face turning whiter as she continues to work on the patient.

"Chuny, come stand behind Abby and catch her is she falls" It's an odd request but she looks tipsy. I move to put in a central line and look up at Abby to check on her intubation, she has now turned from white to transparent.

"Abby?" I try to get something out of her to see if she is okay but she doesn't answer.

"Get Pratt and Luka in here to cover for us." I move my hand to her back to steady her as she looks up at me and moves back from the patient. I think she is hypoglycemic. Luka runs into the room and as I move to Abby to check on her, she falls onto the floor, fainting in the middle of the trauma room.

"Abby!" I move quickly to her, picking her up in my arms, moving into the next room and laying her on a bed to hook her up to a monitor.

"Abby, Abby, wake up, can you hear me!" She starts to come to, bringing her hands up to her face.

"Ya, what happened" She opens her eyes and then shuts them again.

"You fainted in the trauma. Chuny, lets start Abby on some IV fluids." I turn to her and brush some hair out of her eyes. "You're dehydrated and malnourished"

"I'm fine John" She starts to get up from the bed and I grab her hand to stop her.

"Hey, let me just run this bag of fluids into you and I'll take you home okay"

She nods her head at me as the color starts to return to her face.

I walk into Abby's house behind her, holding one side of her to keep her from falling again. I turn my back to close the door and then turn around to see that she is half way up the stairs by herself. I run up behind her, extending a hand out to her back to make sure that she is steady enough to walk the flight. We reach her bedroom door and I walk in behind her. I never really thought that I would see her bedroom, and I definitely didn't imagine that if I did, that this would be the circumstance. The situation was supposed to be hot and sweaty, not sad and uncomfortable. She pulls her sheets back and climbs into her bed as I move to the bathroom to get her a glass of water. I sit on the edge of her bed and place the water beside her.

"Do you want me to call Trent"

"No" she buries her body under the covers and lies on her stomach with her head facing me on the pillow.

"I'm going to pick Lexi up from camp, do you want me to get Jake or is Trent picking him up today?"

"Um, no, I was supposed to get him"

"Do you want me to take him back to my house with me? He can sleep over tonight so you can rest"

"I want him here, but I guess that's not a very good idea." A lone tear escapes down her face. I guess this is her rock bottom. I feel awful for her. I want to take all her pain away. I wish I can hug her and hold her and make her happy again, I want to see her beautiful smile. I reach out to wipe her tear and she lets me touch her as she closes her eyes. I think of an idea but I don't know if I should offer it, maybe this is too forward, but I want to help her out.

"Well, I can pick them up and bring them back here, and you can rest and I can order in diner for you guys. I can sleep on the couch downstairs."

"There's a guest room"

"Is that a yes?" She nods her head. I think she is a little shy about asking for help. I want to help her though; I want to make sure that she's alright. I am emotionally involved now, I care about her a lot. I am so pathetic; I will do anything for her.

"Thank you John"

I return from picking up the children after I have stopped over at my house to pick up some clothing for Lexi and me. The kids run over to jakes room to play as I go up stairs to check on Abby. I crack open her door and peer my head in, she is sound asleep. I go back down the stairs as I hear my cell phone ringing from the bag that I packed.

"Hello"

"Hey its Susan, how's Abby, I heard she fainted in the trauma room"

"Ya, she's okay, she's sleeping now. She's just really stressed and dehydrated."

"Keep me posted, okay"

"Okay"

I hang up the phone from Susan and see Abby standing at the top of the stairs looking down over the landing. She starts her decent down the stairs and I get up to help her, running up the stairs to make sure she doesn't fall.

"How are feeling"

"A little queasy"

"I'm going to order some food for you guys, what do you think you can eat"

"Uhh, I don't know"

"How about some steamed chicken, just plain? You need some protein." She makes a face that tells me she doesn't want it. "Well how about I order it coffee flavored" I joke with her and she smiles a little. "Okay, chicken"

Just as we get down the stairs, the kids run into the den like a heard of wild animals.

"Mommy! Abby!"  
They run up to her and hug her around her bottom half. They are so excited to see her.

"Easy guys. Your mommy doesn't feel so good Jakey, Lexi don't hug too tight"

She kisses the both of them on their heads.

"Its okay. Hi guys, how was camp today?" She moves to sit on the couch and I bring her a glass of orange juice. "Drink that" I order her.

"We went swimming today!"

"Like little fishies" Even though she feels like crap she is doing her best not to show the children. She is the most selfless mother I have ever met. She pulls Lexi into her lap as I sit beside them, Lexi adores her and by the looks of it, she adores Lexi. I love that Lexi is getting the female attention that she needs. I don't want to raise a tom boy and I'm lucky that Abby can help me with that aspect of her growth. Not that she knows that she's helping, but I like it anyway.

I spoon that last piece of orange chicken into my mouth and get up from the table as Abby starts to clean the kitchen. I walk up to her and take the towel out of her hands, walking her out of the kitchen and to the stairs.

"Why don't you let me finish cleaning up and you can go upstairs to rest. I'll read a book with the kids and then put them to bed." She sighs and rolls her eyes at me. I can tell that she's not used to other people taking care of her and her responsibilities.

"I'll go upstairs and relax, but why don't you bring the kids upstairs on my bed when you're ready to read that story."

I watch her as she walks up to her bedroom slowly and then I turn around to clean up. I cant help but wonder if this is what it would be like if we were together. I would bring Lexi when I sleep over, we would eat diner as a family and then put the kids to bed together. The only difference would be that I would get to go to bed with Abby and not in the guest room. I chide myself, kicking my foot against the hard tile of the kitchen, I shouldn't be thinking like this. I have to put the idea of a relationship out of my mind. We are just coworkers and friends, and our children are friends, nothing more. I move to the table to clear the last plate, Abby's, and I inspect it to make sure that she ate enough, smiling as I notice that she did. I chide myself again. I need to not care that much, I need to treat this as if she is a patient and not like she is a woman I have a crush on.

I finish washing the plate and place it in the dishwasher with the others, turning around and yelling for Jake and Lexi to get into their pajamas. I walk up the stairs into Jakes room to pull out his trundle bed and then I go in search of extra sheets and blankets. I finish making the bed and then gather the kids to read them a story in Abby's room. I knock on the door and am granted permission for us to come in, Jake pushing ahead and jumping on the bed. Abby walks out of the bathroom with a head of long wet hair. She is wearing a tank top and short little boy shorts. She is so cute and she looks ten times better than she did this morning. The color had restored to her face, she looks almost healthy again. She climbs under her sheets and pats the bed next to her, signaling everybody to hop on. Jake cuddles to one side of her and Lexi on the other as she puts her arms around them and pulls them closer. I sit on the edge of the bed and start to read the story, the three of them contently watching as I flip the pages and show the pictures. A little while later I finish the story and put the book down on the nightstand. I turn my head back to Abby and the kids and I am blessed with the sweetest sight I have even seen. They are all asleep, the two children lying on Abby's chest, her arms wrapped protectively around them. I watch them for a moment as my heart flutters. This is the best feeling and the worst feeling at the same time. I wish more than anything that I can crawl into bed with them and hold them, all of them, even if it was just for one night to feel like a real family; that would be incredible. I stand here and watch them for a little longer, I don't want to let this moment go. I stifle a yawn and move towards the bed to pick the kids up and move them to their bedroom. I reach to pull Lexi out of Abby's grip, Abby stirring a little and opening her eyes. She grabs my arm gently and looks up at me.

"Leave them"

"Are you sure?" I whisper to her.

"Ya" I place Lexi back into her arms as Abby lays her head back on the pillow and closes her eyes. I move to the end of the bed, pulling the covers up and around the three sleeping angels. I turn around and walk to the door, stopping to take one more look at them and then I turn out the light and leave the bedroom.


	7. hope and fear

Chapter Seven

I turn over on to my side and stretch my legs out across the width of the king size bed. It feels so empty with out Trent on the other side. Last night, however, it was anything but empty. I had something even better in my bed next to me, my precious baby and little Lexi, who I wouldn't mind having as my own. She is the cutest little girl so well behaved and incredibly sweet. John raised this one right; he is such a great dad.

I turn over to look towards my bedroom door. I close my eyes again, basking in the quietness of the morning, but then opening them up a minute later wondering where the kids are and why they are so quiet. I pull my body out of bed, I feel better this morning, more alive. I am going to start eating more and drinking less coffee; I want to take better care of myself. I think I am almost out of the danger zone now. I am getting more and more used to Trent not being around and I think that I can be happy this way. I don't miss him, I was never getting what I needed out of him anyway. The part I miss is the male companionship part, the physical feeling of holding someone and feeling an emotional bond. I haven't had that with Trent for a long time and I think I need to start looking elsewhere for it. I think I am finally ready to consider dating other men. Wow, dating, I haven't dated in forever, that's a scary thought.

I slip on a pair of sweat pants and pad my way downstairs to look for the children. I reach the kitchen doors and hear laughter and giggles coming from the kids, I hope they aren't playing in the kitchen unsupervised. I open the door and lean against the doorway. This is adorable. John is wearing my apron and standing at the stove flipping pancakes as the kids watch from stools that they have brought up to the counter.

"Hey" John turns to me with a huge smile on his face, a spatula in hand.

"Mommy, we're making you pancakes!" Jake jumps off the stool and raced towards me.

"Wow, really" I walk into the kitchen towards John and the kids. They are so cute all together. This is the kind of thing that happens in the movies.

"How are you feeling?" John flips that last pancake onto a plate and gets the kids seated at the table, taking the apron off and placing it back on the hook.

"Um, a lot better actually" I walk over to the pantry to hand him the syrup, then sit down with my guests, John moving a plate in front of me and giving me the "eat up" face.

"Thank you"

"Your welcome" He smiles at me warmly and I smile back. There is a moment of silence at the table as I look to the kids and look back at John, his eyes still fixed on mine.

"For everything" I finish, motioning to the kids and to the breakfast on the table. This is the nicest thing that anybody has done for me in a long time. I take a bite of my breakfast and grab some napkins, throwing them towards the kids who are bound to have syrup dripping all over them in no time.

"What time is your shift today?"

"I'm working a night shift, four to midnight, Jakes going to sleep at Trent's"

"I am?" He lifts his head from his plate.

"Ya baby, daddy's going to pick you up from camp today"

"But I want to play with John and Lexi after camp" I would have never thought that he would choose John and Lexi over his dad, but I'm sure that John has had enough of us for a while.

"I know sweet heart, but your daddy wants to see you and I have to work tonight" Jake makes a sad face and turns back to his pancakes.

I look back at John; the two of us smiling at how much these kids have bonded to each other. I can't help but think this guy is great, he is really great. I can't believe how wonderful he has been. It was so unbelievably sweet of him to take care of me and the kids last night. If I fainted when I was with Trent he would have come home and said, "You're a doctor; you know how to take care of yourself, what do you want me to do?" This is what I need, someone that is going to treat me like a woman, not that I am helpless or anything, but I am still a lady and I secretly like to be treated like one, at least some times. I think Susan was right; John and I could be great friends. We could support each other and help each other out with our hardships and we can also help each other out with our kids. He is so easy to be around, so easy to talk to and relate to, he's also very good looking and charming and . . .Oh what am I saying, I cant have these feelings, I'm not even divorced yet; I'm not even positive that I am getting divorced!

I get up from the table and start to clean off my plate, turning away from John so I can get any romantic feelings for him out of my head. I walk back to the table and sit back down; this is dumb; I like John, why do I have to push that away? I need to start living for myself, and if that means looking elsewhere for an emotional bond with a male companion, maybe "elsewhere" was making pancakes in my kitchen this morning.

I walk into my bedroom and I am alone for what seems like the first time in ages. John took the kids to camp on his way to work and the house is freakishly quiet. I take a long shower and put a clean tank top and shorts on then climb back into my bed to rest up a little more. As I am about to fall asleep, I hear the front door open, then close. I didn't think that John was going to come back here before he went to work, but I am secretly kind of glad. I really enjoy his company. I get out of bed and walk over to the landing only to find that the man that has entered the house is not John, its Trent. I walk down the stairs slowly, my heart almost leaping out of my chest. I don't know why I am so nervous about seeing him, I think that's it's mostly anxiety.

"Hi, what are you doing here" My voice comes out raspy from being in bed.

"I came to get some stuff; I thought you might be at work already"

"No, I'm working tonight, remember" Ya, right, he knew I would be here.

"I wanted to see you" He confesses and I mouth the word "oh" and swallow hard. I don't really want to spend time with him right now, or ever for that matter. Even though I am feeling better about our whole situation, I don't think I am past the anger part just yet and I'm not feeling like I want to work on this relationship anymore.

He walks up to me and reaches out to touch the side of my face. He sweeps the hair out of my eyes and stairs into them for a minute. I know what he's doing. He's trying to connect with me; he's trying to draw me in.

"I really miss you Abby" I don't respond, I don't know what to do. I am trying so hard not to let him sweet talk me. I finally know what I want to do. I want to push his hand away form my face, but my body won't let me. I'm frozen in this spot. He moves closer to me and his lips are upon mine, delicately. There is something comforting about letting him kiss me; I can't believe I am letting him kiss me. I don't want this, but at the same time, my body won't allow me to push him away. He tries to move closer, his tongue begging to enter my mouth and that's when I take action. I grab his hand and move it away from my face as I step back from him, breaking our kiss.

"I can't do this" I am finally able to speak.

"Yes you can, I want you" He walks me into a corner and I know now what "I missed you" meant. It meant that he's horny and he wants a quick lay. Well that's going to happen when monkeys fly. I duck under his grasp and create a distance between us.

"I don't want this Trent." He looks at me for a long time, probably hoping that he is going to change my mind with his stare. I open my mouth to talk and close it again, the words a little difficult to say. I try again, this time with more success. "I think that I want us to get divorced"

He shakes his head at me but I know he wants it too. As soon as he finds someone else to fuck, he'll get over this, I know he will. I walk into the kitchen, hoping that he will leave, but he follows me in here. This is going to be a big blowout.

"I can't take Jake tonight, I have a meeting" I snap my head around quickly looking at him, my eyes burning into his. I didn't expect him to say that, but I can see what he's doing here and I am going to call him on it.

"Are you seriously going to punish our son because you're mad at me? Is that what you're really doing?" I'm pissed, I can't believe this.

"That's not what I'm doing Abby" He walks back out towards the front door and almost out of it before I grab his arm to stop him.

"Ya know, he wont even care, he wanted to be with his friends tonight anyway" I say this to hurt him, knowing that I'm stooping down to his level, but not really caring at this moment. He looks into my angry eyes for a second and then walks out the front door, so much for confrontation; I was ready for a much bigger argument than that.

I walk into the hospital with Jake at my side for my four o clock shift. I had to pick him up from camp because Trent decided not to, so now he is going to have to be here for a while and hopefully Susan will be able to take him back to her house when her shift is over. We walk into the lounge to get him settled and Jake immediately spots John, running to him and jumping into his arms.

"What are you doing here buddy?" He sits Jake down on his lap.

"I don't know, I think my dad has a meeting tonight, can I go home with you?"

"Jake!" I turn around, embarrassed that Jake invited himself to John's house. I was going to ask Susan first if she can take him, John has helped me out so much already and I don't want to take advantage of that.

"Sure, you can, Lexi is at home with a baby sitter, she'll be so happy that you're coming over!"

I turn around smiling at him. I'm in a horrible mood due to my unexpected visitor this morning and I think that he can tell that the smile is masking something else. I'm so bad at hiding my emotions sometimes, other times I'm a pro.

"You don't have to, I was going to ask Susan" I shake my head, worrying that I am going to burden him.

He looks at me for a moment and shakes his head no, turning Jake around on his lap.

"Okay, Jake, do you want to go home with the fat lady that doesn't have a play room at her house, or do you want to go home with the guy that not only has a playroom, but a beautiful little girl that wants to play with you?" John makes a funny face and points towards himself with his thumbs, in a "pick me, pick me!" sort of way. Jake turns around and looks at me for approval, pointing his index fingers in John's direction. I can't help but smile, this smile is genuine though. I only wish that I didn't have to work so I could hang out with them.

"Okay, but you have to go to sleep at John's house at a descent hour and then I'll come get you when I'm done working."

"Ya!!!" The two boys high five each other as I walk up to the coffee maker to pour myself the only cup of coffee I will allow myself today. I put my mug down for a second and bend over to kiss Jake goodbye. Still bending down, I look up at John who is packing his things up from his locker. "He's allergic to blueberries"

"Blueberry pie it is!" He jokes with me as he grabs Jakes hand to leave and I smile. Somehow I am in a much better mood than when I got here.

I knock on the door to John's house as I peer through the window near the side hedges. It's dark inside, flashes of the light from a television bouncing off the walls and peeking through his blinds. It must be lonely, inside there, when his daughter has gone to sleep and he's alone. I suddenly feel bad for him, not that I'm not in the exact same boat, but I realize that maybe I'm not the only one that is feeling empty and starved for affection. I wonder what he does all by himself, what books he reads, what he watches on TV, if he goes into his child's room and sits on her bed and watches her sleep, like I do with Jake. I wait for a minute or two, I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't hear my knocking at the door, it's almost midnight and he could be sleeping. I hear heavy footsteps on their way to the door as I quickly run my fingers through my hair. I hope I don't look like a total nightmare right now, it's late and I probably look half asleep. I can't believe I all of the sudden care what I look like in front of John, but I do.

"Hey" He answers the door in a wife beater and sweet pants. I look down at him and back up quickly, noticing that he has a very nice body, okay, I'm attracted. I don't say anything for a second as he stares at me, waiting for my reply.

"Sorry, hi" I shake my head out, waking myself up a little. "I'm exhausted . . . I bet you are too, I'm sorry that you had to stay up and wait for me" He motions his hands to follow him inside the house.

"Don't worry about it; I had fun with the kids tonight, Jakes a crack up"

"Ya, he's something else" We walk through the dark, unfurnished house into the living room where it looks like John was hanging out on the couch. The television is on but muted, the house is peacefully quiet.

"Do you want a cup of coffee or tea" He whispers as he touches my arm, leading me into the kitchen.

"Tea, please" He looks at me surprised that I chose tea over coffee. "I'm trying to cut back"

"Well good for you" He raises a brow at me as I take a seat on the stool at the island. I look around the kitchen and out into the living room, its empty and this place really needs a woman's touch.

"Your house is empty; you didn't get any furniture yet?" He moves to sit beside me, his legs almost touching mine.

"I haven't really had time yet, plus . . . I've never gone furniture shopping alone, I don't really know what I'm looking for . . . Ali decorated my last house."

"Well if things end up the way they presented themselves today, I'll be going shopping for furniture with you" He gives me a questioning look.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm going to need to buy new furniture once I'm divorced because most of our stuff was Trent's before we got married"

"When did you decide that you were getting divorced?" He's interested. I wonder in what way.

"This morning, he came over after you left with the kids; I told him that that's what I wanted. It's funny how it happened. I just decided in an instant that I wanted to move on. It was scary, the words just came shooting out of my mouth, but I realized after I said it that I really meant it. I really don't think that I can be happy with him."

I look at John as he listens to me talk. I know that he wants to hear more and I want to share more, and I know that he won't ask me to go on. He doesn't want to push, he's being conscious about not making me feel uncomfortable. He's got to be the most respectful person I know. I want to tell him more, I want to share my fears with him; I want to hear about his.

"It's really scary knowing that I am going to be a single parent. I never imagined that I'd be here; it wasn't on my agenda" He smiles at me and reaches out to cover my hand with his, stroking it up and down. For some reason this doesn't feel uncomfortable at all, it feels good and that scares me for a second. I think about pulling my hand away for a minute, but I'm focusing on resisting that. I don't want to be this person that can't let people in, I want this friendship, I need it, but I'm afraid that this might be more than friendship and I'm not read for that at all.

"When I first decided to leave Ali, I felt like I was living somebody else's life. It was like I was watching a movie or something. . . I thought that getting married and having a baby meant that I would never have to be alone again, and for so long I felt more alone than ever."

"What changed that" I must look like a lost and confused little girl as I look into his eyes for guidance and support.

"I don't know really, moving here, having friends, building a support system, Susan, you" I smile at him as he continues to stroke my arm. I know now that this guy is my true friend, we have a bond, we care about each other. "I realized that as long as I was in a marriage that I wasn't happy with, I didn't have any chance to find something better. Now that I am out of it, there is this new hope that someday I'm going to be with a woman that was really meant for me."

I listen so closely to what he is saying, there is so much being shared here and I want to be sure that I take it all in. I start to get teary eyed, but not so much because I am sad about my situation; I think it's because of the things that John is saying. I'm overwhelmed with emotion right now. I am feeling for him and what he has gone through and I am relating back to myself as well. He reaches up to swipe the hair out of my eyes, noticing my sad expression. He holds his hand at the side of my face for a while and looks into my eyes.

"Abby, you deserve to have that hope. Once you have it, you'll be free" I let a single tear fall, John catching it with his thumb as it makes its way down my cheek. He moves his hand down to my back and as we both stand up, he pulls my head to his chest and wraps his arms around me, hugging me to his body.

"You're going to be fine" I nod my head into his chest as he strokes my back. It feels so good to hug this man. This is the closeness that I have been craving, but suddenly it's terrifying me. I think there are feeling here, on both sides. I'm feeling something for John; for the first time in seven years I am feeling like I want to be with somebody other than my husband. I pull away from him, trying to get my thoughts under control, my heart beating a mile a minute. I don't think he notices my small freak out; it's pretty dark where we're standing. He grabs my hand, his touch is electric. I want to pull back like I just did, but I don't, I am vowing to not push this one away. He walks me down the hall into Lexis room where the kids are fast asleep. I walk up to Jake and kiss him on his forehead and then John reaches for him, lifting him up and carrying him like a baby down the hall as I follow. We walk out the front door and John lays him down across the backseat. He closes the door and moves over to the driver's side of the car where I am standing, leaning against the door.

"If you need anything . . . to talk to someone, anything . . . call me" He reaches out again to touch me, but before he can reach my arm, I meet him half way, our hands joining and clasping together. A part of me wants to walk back inside and spend the night with him, holding and comforting each other, but the rational part of me will win this time and get into the car.

"I will" I smile through my melancholy expression as he lets go of my hand and turns to walk back into his house. I drive away in my car, and not until I am completely out of his driveway, do I let myself breath. I can't believe I am feeling what I am feeling; this comes as a total shock. When he hugged me in the kitchen I felt a bolt strike my body, slapping me across the face telling me to wake up and look at the man in front of me, and I listened, I looked. I wonder if he felt something too, Id be shocked if he didn't.


	8. beautiful women

Chapter Eight

I walk back into the house after standing at my doorstep looking out into the night, long after Abby has driven away. I raise my hand up to my chest, grabbing my heart. I wish I can take it right out of my chest; I don't want to feel anymore. Why do I have to have feeling for the one person who would be totally inappropriate to act on them with?

I sit back down on the sofa where I was watching television before she came over. I know I'm not going to be able to get in bed and go to sleep now; I will be thinking about Abby all night, wishing that I can hold her and kiss her and be close to her. I'm glad we were able to talk to each other about our unfortunate marriages, obviously not that glad that hers has fallen apart. I don't really know what to feel. I care about Abby so much and I don't know whether to be happy or sad that she is getting divorced. I'm sad for her because it's a hard thing to go through; her family is being torn apart. But there is this part of me that is happy that she's getting divorced because that might mean that it makes it okay for me to want to be with her. Maybe there is a possibility now for me to be a part of her life. She deserves so much better than what she has been offered and I know that I can give her everything that she wants. I was so surprised that she let me hug her and comfort her when she needed it. It felt so right to hold her and feel her close to me. I do think that for one second she might have felt the same.

I lay down on the couch, the television still muted, watching the screen in the loneliness of the dark room. I can't get the vision of her face out of my mind, and I don't know that I want to. It seems that she is etched there for a reason and I need to find out why. Maybe were meant to be together. I close my eyes, trying to lull myself to sleep and soon I see her in my dreams in a flowing pink dress, her hair blowing in the wind, she's playing with our children . . .

I am woken out of my pleasant dreams way too early with the phone ringing in my ear. It's six o'clock in the morning so it must be the hospital calling. It's weird though, because I'm not on call. I pick up the phone, a little confused and somewhat annoyed because I was just woken out of a dream that was just getting steamy.

"Hello" I ask in a groggy voice.

"Carter, its Dr. Mitchell, Susan's in labor and Chuck's out of town, she asked me to call you in" I jump up a little, I am very awake now.

"I'll be right over"

Lexi and I run up to Labor and Delivery, my little girl still in her pajamas as we run to find Susan's room. I open the door, walking in slowly to see Abby standing over Susan massaging her back and feeding her ice chips. I smile a little as I walk closer to the two ladies and I all of the sudden feel this wonderful sense of pride. I love these woman and they are so wonderful to each other. They are so beautiful and perfect in their own unique ways. Abby smiles at me and raises her eye brows; she's so excited that this baby is coming.

"Well good morning ladies" I give them both a big grin as I walk up to Susan and kiss her on her head. I stand on the opposite side of Abby, making eye contact with her over our patient.

"How far apart are the contractions?" I pick up the chart and examine it as Abby takes a look at her watch.  
"Looks like three minutes, were moving along" This woman is all smiles at six o'clock in the morning. Is she just really excited or is there something that I'm missing? Maybe she's feeling better about her decision after the conversation we had when she came to pick up Jake last night. "Jake's up in day care if you want to take Lexi up."

"Great" I smile back at her and turn to leave the room. "Don't have that baby till I get back"

I walk back into the delivery room, Susan huffing and puffing, and yelling a few choice words. I walk by her OB, greeting her as we have met on occasion.

"Okay, Susan on this one we're going to push. One, two, three, Push!" I grab Susan's hand on her right side, Abby holding her on her left.

"Good job Susan, she's coming" Abby picks up a cloth, patting Susan's forehead quickly. I watch the two women, I am almost speechless. There is so much beauty here; this is the best part of life.

"Okay, another push, I see the head"

"Ahhhhh" Susan cries out in frustration and for a second, I silently thank god that I'm not a woman.

"She's almost out Susan, your doing great!" Abby strokes her back.

"One more push" Her doctor calls out from between her legs.

Susan bares down one last time, the sound of the delivery room filled with the baby's cry.

"She's out!" Abby moves down the bed to see the baby, tears in her eyes. "She's beautiful Susan!"

"Dr. Lockhart, do you want to cut the cord?" Abby looks back at Susan for approval and Susan shakes her head as I rub her back. I watch Abby cut the babies cord, her eyes sparkling, I've never seen her this happy. The baby cries out as Abby picks her up.

"She wants her mommy" Abby walks the baby over to Susan and places her in her arms. I look down at the baby, remembering when Lexi was born. I'm so glad I get to share the happiest day of Susan's life with her.

"She's perfect" I am finally able to speak as Susan, Abby and I all look at each other, sharing this beautiful moment.

"Does she have a name?" Abby asks Susan as we hover over her.

"Yes, Sophie. Her name is Sophie."

It's hours later when I make my way over to the nursery viewing window after checking on the kids in day care. I spot Abby peering into the far window in front of the basinet that reads "Baby Lewis" She doesn't look as happy as she did in the delivery room, in fact, I think I see a tear falling from her eye. I walk up behind her and rest my hands on her shoulders, rubbing them lightly, bringing my head down to her ear level.

"You okay?" I ask her gently.

"Ya" She wipes the tear away from her face. "I'm," She shakes her head " . . . I'm fine"

"I can see that your not" I whisper in her ear.

"Well, it's been a big week" She continues to stare into the nursery.

"Stressful, ha"

"Yes" She turns her head around looking at me quickly and then back at the baby. She takes a deep breath. "I always wanted another baby" She says it whispering softly, like its no big deal, but I can tell that it is. "I almost had one, a couple years ago" She stands still, my body still behind hers, my hands still resting on her shoulders.

"What happened?"

"I had a miscarriage." She says it simply and I think that's all she's going to say when she starts to talk again. "I was in the bathtub one night; a couple months into my pregnancy . . . and all of the sudden the water just turned bright red." I see a tear fall down her face in her reflection in the window, I don't know if she has realized that I can see her in the glass, but I am watching her intently.

"I think it was a girl" She whispers into the air, I think more talking to herself than me.

"That must have been really hard for you guys" I don't know what else to say.

"For me, it was. But for Trent, I think he was relieved . . . he never wanted another child" She takes a step back and her back hits my chest lightly, she's leaning on me a little, but not wanting to shift her weight back. I run my hands down her arms and bring her closer to me, wrapping my arms around her waist, assuring her that it's okay to lean on me. We stand here for a while, it feels good to hold her like this; I just wish that I could hold her even if she wasn't upset right now. She shifts a little in my arms.

"I should check on the kids"

"I just did, they're fine. Jake told me that his birthday is tomorrow"

"Ya, it is. With this whole mess I forgot to tell you about his birthday party on Sunday. Can you make it with Lexi?"

"Umm . . . let's see . . . sure" I try to mess with her to lighten the mood a little. She smiles into the window, noticing that I'm looking at her, she's smiling at me.

A little while later, I walk into Susan's room to see how she's doing and talk with her for a little while. Abby took Jake and Lexi back to her house so they can all nap but I had to stay to work a half shift. I'm exhausted and I wish that I could go home and nap too, I don't even know how I'm going to get through this shift. I walk into Susan room, she napping too. I sink into the chair next to Susan's bed. I have an hour before my shift so maybe I can catch a little bit of sleep as well. I start to close my eyes when I hear Susan stirring.

"Why are you so tired, I'm the one who did all the work" I open my eyes and chuckle at her joke, sitting up in the chair.

"How are you feeling?"

"Better than I thought I would actually"

"Did you talk to Chuck?"

"Yes, he's on a plane coming home right now, he's so upset that he wasn't here for the birth"

"Well he's got the whole rest of his life to spend with her" Hopefully, if there relationship lasts. I guess I can't assume right now that any relationship will last.

"Ya, he does" I smile at her as I shift uncomfortably in my chair.

"Hey Susan, I wanted to tell you something and talk to you about it. . . It's kind of a big deal and I need your help here."

"What?" She looks a little worried.

"Well, you know that I've been spending a lot of time with Abby lately"

"Ya, I've heard that Jake and Lexi really like each other"

"They do, but I think that Abby and I really like each other too"

"What do you mean Carter?" I lift my brow at her, begging for her not to make me spell it out for her, but I can see that I am going to have to explain.

"I mean, I'm really not sure about her, but I think that I really like her. I mean . . . I have feelings for her, like I want to be with her. . .I know that this is horrible timing and yes I know that there are so many other woman out there that are possibilities for me . . .but it seems to be that I want the one that I can't really have."

"Carter, Abby's my best friend and you're my best friend and I never even thought about the two of you getting together, but now that I think about it, you would be perfect together. But I just don't know if she can deal with dating right now and being separated and taking care of Jake by herself " She shakes her head and laughs a little. ". . . ya, I think your timing is a little off."

"Even if she has decided that she's divorcing Trent?"

"She is?" I shake my head yes, surprised that Susan doesn't know. "Oh, she didn't tell me that"

"So what is the statue of limitations on how long I have to wait until I tell her?"

"Well, do you think the feeling is mutual?"

"I think its there. I know I feel it when I'm around her. I don't know, she might just be confused, or she might just be lonely and using me to as a companion when she's feeling bad . . .I don't know." I through my hands up in the air, I really don't know what to do.

"Well give her some time, maybe her feelings will come out once she has taken care of things with Trent" I breathe in deeply and think for a minute before I decide to share an important peace of the puzzle with Susan.

"Susan, I think that I could love her. I can't get her out of my head; I want to be around her all the time." She smiles at me warmly; I think maybe liking the idea of her two best friends getting together.

"Abby is the greatest, I can see why you like her. She is the sweetest person, the best mother. She's caring and warm and she really deserves someone like you . . . because you are all of those things too. I hope that it works out for you, I really do"

It's the end of my work day and I am more awake than ever right now. I think it's because I am going to pick up Lexi at Abby's house which means that I get to hang out with her for a little while. It's so pathetic that this is what I look forward to all day. I pull up to the house and am greeted by Abby's welcoming smile at the door. She is wearing her short shorts and a tank top, and her figure looks great since she has been eating a little bit more.

"Hey, the kids are finishing a movie, you want to relax a while and let them finish." I shake my head yes, I'll do anything to spend time with Abby. She walks me into the dark living room where the kids are bundled up under a blanket together on the floor. She takes a seat on the couch pulling her blanket back around her bare legs and leaving me room to sit next to her. I plop down on her sofa, noticing that I am a little more tired than I thought I was. She lifts up her blanket and looks at me, asking if I want to share it with her. I'm not cold at all, but anything to be close to her . . . Sure! I'll get under the blanket with you! I scoot closer to her, as she moves a little closer to me too. This is a little surprising, but I'll go with it, I love it. She touches my leg gently, moving the blanket over my body; we are so close together, our legs touching slightly. I look at the back of her head as she watches the movie, I can see the outline of her profile in the light glowing from the TV. I can't take my eyes off her, she is so beautiful, I know that I'm falling in love with her. She's leaning on her side and I can tell that she is a little uncomfortable, not letting herself relax. I reach my hand out and gently place it on her shoulder, guiding her to rest her back on my chest. She leans into my body a little bit, rubbing her cheek against my chest as I stroke down her arms. I'm not really sure what's happening here, I think I'm cuddling with Abby and it feels incredible. Holding her is the best feeling I have felt in a long time. I want to touch her more, put my arm around her and pull her even closer to me, but I know that I shouldn't and I'm not going to. I stop touching her, realizing that she might feel uncomfortable, not to mention, if the children turn around, I'm not sure how they would feel about their parents being so close. Abby rests her head back on my shoulder and I can feel her heart beating into my chest, its slowing down and I think that she's falling asleep. I look over at the children and their sleeping too, and before you know it, I'm out also.

It must be hours later when I wake up to a pitch black room, the television black as well. I breathe in a little and feel a weight on me, its Abby; I had almost forgotten where I was. She's sleeping on top of me, her head resting on my chest, my arms wrapped tightly around her. I look around the room with out moving my body; the children are still fast asleep under the blanket on the floor. I look down at Abby and move her hair out of her eyes so I can see her face. I wish she was mine; I wish I could lean over and kiss her right now because I want to so badly. I move my arms a little bit, rubbing her back so I could gently move her off of me. I know that this is my cue to leave right now, I don't want to, but I should. What if Trent showed up in the morning? We would have a big confrontation over something that was really innocent; well I don't really know how innocent this is anymore. There are feelings involved right now, I could tell. Maybe I need to take a step back and let her figure out what she's going to do with her life. I think she needs time to heal.

I walk over to the children and gently pick up Jake in my arms. He lays his head on my shoulder as I carry him up to his room.

"Daddy?" He whispers into my ear and I am caught off guard.

"No sweetie, its John"

"Where's my mommy?" He is totally out of it, probably sleep talking.  
"She's sleeping, I'm going to put you to sleep too" I lay him down on his bed and kiss his forehead, he's still mumbling a little bit.

"But we were watching Shrek"

"I know; it's over. Goodnight" I walk out of his room and turn the light off, heading back down stairs to collect Lexi and go home. I walk over to Abby, wishing that I can pick her up and tuck her into her bed as well. I rub down her back gently trying to wake her up so she isn't confused about where everybody is when she gets up in the morning.

"Abby" I sit on the couch next to her, running my hands through her hair.

"Hmm" She opens her eyes a little bit and then closes them again.

"I put Jake in his bed, were gonna go home" I whisper gently to her.

She turns over onto her back, looking up at me with sleepy eyes. "What time is it?"

"Um, about two o'clock in the morning"

"Okay" She's still half sleeping, so cute and cozy on the couch, I don't think she's got any plans to move. I lean over to kiss her forehead, I know I'm pushing it a little, bit I just can't resist. She stirs a little bit, moving back onto her stomach and closing her eyes again. I walk over to Lexi to pick her up and move towards the front door as I look back at Abby's sleeping figure. I'm longing for her, I'm longing to get back onto that couch and bring her into my arms again, but I happen to have an all too rational side of me that is telling me to walk out this door.


	9. a new hope

Chapter Nine

I wake up in the morning with a crook in my back. It's early and I'm tired from sleeping on the couch all night; I should have moved to my bed, but I had no energy to do so. I get up from the couch slowly, my back hurting like hell as I walk up the stairs to Jakes room to wake him up for camp. I can't help but think about how close I was to John last night, it felt so right. I don't remember so much, but I think that I was sleeping in his arms for a while until he left. A part of me wishes that he would have stayed, but I know that he was trying to be a gentleman. I don't know what I would have done if he did stay, what it would have been like to wake up with him in the morning on the couch. I probably would have been embarrassed for falling asleep. I like him though, I really do, and I don't want to be scared of that. I feel safe with him, I know that I can trust him, not to mention that I am highly attracted to him as well. I want so badly to show him how much I like him, but I know that I have to work everything out with my divorce first. For a while I had some doubts about the decision that I made, but right now I feel okay about it. I don't ever want to be with Trent again, which is going to make his birthday party on Sunday a little bit of a challenge since him and John will both be there.

I walk into the hospital feeling nervous and anxious to see John. I need to look at his face. I want to hug him and be close to him again, I just need a little extra reassurance and support from him right now. I walk into the lounge, casually looking for him, wondering when his shift is today. I can't seem to find him and I have a couple of minutes until my shift starts so I make my way up to OB to visit Susan and Sophie. I walk down the halls looking into the window of the nursery at all the newborn babies. I smile to myself; I think I understand what John was talking about the other night. He said that once I decided to move on, I would have hope. Looking at these babies, I finally understand what he meant. I am leaving the man that I have been unhappy with for so long and there is a new hope now that I will find somebody else that will contribute to making me happy. Maybe I can even have a second child with that new person, whom ever it is. Maybe that is John. Maybe we will have a happy ending.

The halls of the hospital are quiet this time a day, except for one newborn, whose wailing has reached my ears probably from the other side of the OB floor. I look for Susan's room, turning down a hall and spotting the crying newborn in John's arms. I can't help but smile as I walk toward him, John giving me a helpless look.

"You having a hard time?" I play with him a little, taking the baby out of his arms and rocking her until she's quiet.

"Okay, so you showed me up" He playfully pinches my waist.

"Ouch!" I flirt with him as I bounce Sophie lightly in my arms. I look back at the baby and then up at John who is standing over me, watching us bond. "She's so perfect, isn't she?"

"She's beautiful" He reaches to touch Sophie's little foot, resting his other hand on the small of my back as an old lady walks up to us.

"Congratulations you too, what a beauty" She speaks in a heavy accent and all I can do is smile at her and John does as well. What's the point in telling her that she isn't ours, it's definitely nice to pretend that I have a perfect, happy family and a new baby girl. She walks away as John and I look at each other and then back down at the baby. I suddenly feel a tinge of pain in my back, the same spasm from this morning. I stretch my neck out a little and arch my back, biting my lip from the uncomfortable pain.

"What's wrong?" He asks me as he moves his hand from my lower back, probably thinking that I am moving away from him.

"My back and shoulders are really stiff. I think from sleeping on the couch last night" I put Sophie down in her basinet and grab my left shoulder with my right hand.

"Well I would have put you in your bed too, but I wasn't sure if you wanted me to" I laugh at his comment. What I really want to say is that I would have loved him to put me in bed, but I'm not going to go there with my flirting quite yet. I close my eyes trying to knead out the spasm and then I suddenly feel John's strong hands on my shoulders.

"Where does it hurt?" He whispers into my ear from behind me, almost in a sexy voice. I let my head fall down, enjoying his hands on me. I can't help but think, if he is so good at this, I wonder what else he's good at with his hands.

"Everywhere" I answer him in a moaning voice almost embarrassed in the way I said it, but not enough to so anything about it. I hear a door open and lift my head to see Chuck wheeling Susan out of her room.

"Are we interrupting anything?" Leave it to Susan to embarrass me.

"No" I say abruptly as I step away from Johns magic hands for a minute. John moves over to Sophie and picks her up, placing her in Susan's arms as I get my camera out of my bag to take a couple pictures of the new family. They look so happy, this is the real deal.

"Are you guys going to be able to make it to Jakes birthday party on Sunday?" I ask them remembering that I will need as many friends there as I can get if Trent is going to come.

"Yes, we'll be there, wont we Sophie" She looks down at the baby and smiles, playing with her tiny little fingers. We watch as Chuck wheels Susan away and then we start towards the ER.

"What time is your shift?" John asks as I look down at my watch.

"Uh, right now" Unfortunately, I would have loved to go get a cup of coffee with him and talk. "You?"

"Now too" I nod my head at him, but I'm smiling inside. I like working with him, we are a good team and it's always nice to spend your shift with somebody that you like.

"You mean I have to work with you all day" I joke around sarcastically with him and he smiles.

"I'm sorry, you're stuck with me" He raises his hands motioning at himself and flashing a goofy grin.

"So, I was so excited that I was going to get to work with you all day and I haven't seen you in like ten hours" I pour him a cup of coffee as he comes through the lounge door. I'm not in the greatest mood anymore though. I've been apprehensive all day about Jakes birthday party on Sunday. I hand John the mug and sit down next to him at the table, exhaling a big breathe.

"Uhh, I'm stressed" I lean back in the chair and let my head fall back so my hair is almost sweeping the floor.

"What are you stressed about?" I can tell he's looking at me although I can't see him, so I sit up to talk to him, the blood rushing back to my head.

"The party on Sunday. It's going to be awkward with Trent there. I almost wish that he would just do his own thing with Jake, but Jake wants him there, and I don't want to disappoint him."

"Well you don't have to hang out with him. You can hang out with me and Susan."

"I know. I just wish that I didn't have to see him." I get up from my seat and move to my locker, taking my lab coat off and pulling on my sweater. I am suddenly ready to pass out; it's been a long and hectic day, which is why I didn't see John at all. Although I want to stay and chat with him, I really have to get home to Jake.

"I'm exhausted, I'm going home. Don't forget to bring your bathing suits on Sunday"

"You're not working tomorrow?" He looks at me with a sad face; maybe he is going to miss me. I guess though that it is good that I won't see him for a day, I'll be able to put things into perspective that way.

"No, I've got the whole weekend off. Jealous?"

"Yes, I am. I'll see you on Sunday" He smiles at me as I leave the lounge, a part of me wanting to walk back in there and invite him over tonight, but I know that I shouldn't do that yet.


	10. the birthday party

AN: Just because I haven't updated in a couple days, I suggest that you read chapters eight and nine again before reading this one. I think this chapter might be bordering on an R rating.

My first review responses are at the bottom!

Chapter Ten

It's two in the after noon and Lexi and I are on our way to Abby's house for Jakes pool party. This should be pretty interesting. Trent is going to be there and I can't wait to meet him, I'm just very curious as to what Abby's husband is like. I hope I don't like him, then I won't have to feel bad about being in love with the woman that's divorcing him. I guess it would be easier if he really is as big an ass as everyone says.

We walk up to the door and push it open a little, letting ourselves in. Walking to the back, I spot Abby right away. She's wearing a wife beater with a black bikini top showing through it, a cut off jean skirt, little black flip flops and a pair of sunglasses on her head, holding her hair out of her face. She looks amazing; her body is incredible, her face sparkling in the sun. Maybe she is trying to make Trent jealous, showing him what he can't have. I look around the pool, trying to determine which one is the soon to be ex-husband but I don't see any other men around. I walk out the French doors, Abby turning around to greet us.

"Hi guys!" She walks up to Lexi, pulling her into a hug and kissing her head. "I missed your sweet face" She lets her go and stands straight up again, coming face to face with me.

"Hey" She smiles radiantly. She is the ultimate bombshell mom.

"Hey" I reach for her and kiss her cheek lightly and then I notice a man staring at me from the corner of my eye. Bingo! That must be Trent. I pull away from her because I feel like I'm being watched, the man making his way over to us.

"Hi, I'm Abby's husband, Trent" He shoves his hand at my body, between Abby and I; I think to make a statement. Abby roles her eyes at me behind Trents back. I almost laugh, but I am able to hold it in, thankfully.

"John Carter, good to meet you" I am going to be friendly, but what I would really like to do is rip this guys eyes out for hurting Abby so much. But I know that that wouldn't be such a good idea today.

"Likewise, Mr. Carter." He puts his arms around her shoulder, Abby obviously feeling uncomfortable with him doing so.

"Dr. Carter" Abby corrects him as she pushes his arm off her shoulder.

"Excuse me" He walks away, I think a little pissed that Abby isn't going to let him pretend that they are a happy, committed couple.

"Sorry about that" She's got an annoyed expression on her face. She seems uncomfortable with the whole situation and I think that she is apologizing to me because she knows that I have feelings for her.

"Don't apologize to me. I was feeling bad for you" I touch her waist lightly, but pull back, remembering that Trent is probably watching her like a hawk. It's a big bummer that on the one day the woman is wearing next to nothing I can't get close to her at all. I know I'm a total pig. But I am so attracted to her, how can I resist. Well, it will be easy to resist when Trent is around because I definitely am not in the mood for a confrontation.

I turn around with Abby, spotting Susan sitting with Sophie in the shade at the table near the pool.

"Give me that little angel" Abby holds out her hands and Susan hands her the sleeping baby, Abby draping a blanket over her shoulder and rocking Sophie back and fourth. I look at her and smile; she loves that baby so much. She is so maternal, so nurturing and warm. I love that part of her more than anything. Just watching her cuddle the baby makes my heart flutter terribly. I look over at Susan and notice that she is noticing me staring at Abby. She gives me a funny look and then motions her head towards Trent who is hanging out on the other side of the pool. I think the look says, "Try not to go there with the ex around". I shake my head at her and turn around to see an excited Jake running up to his mommy and me.

"Can Lexi stay and help me open my presents?"

"Of course she can" Abby looks back at me for my approval and I shake my head yes at her. I just hope that Trent isn't going to stay around after the party. Then it would be me, Abby and Trent hanging out with the kids. I'm not sure that I can deal with that but I guess I'll have to cross that bridge when I come to it.

Jake jumps back into the pool to play with all his friends leaving the adults and baby Sophie to chat at the table. Abby pulls up a seat next to me, laying Sophie down on her lap and gently running her hands over her back.

"Susan, I don't know if I'm going to let you take her home with you when the party is over." Abby jokes with Susan, never taking her eyes off the baby.

"Well, that's fine, I'm sure you'll want to return her to me once she keeps you up all night fussing"

"No, I won't" She says to Sophie in a soft baby, sing song voice, a smile still on her face. "She's a little angel" I stare at her stroking the baby as she looks up quickly, catching me watching her. I don't even care; I'm caught, good. It's about time. Maybe this way I won't have to tell her how I feel; maybe she will just see it and feel it. I continue to watch her. She knows now that I am and she continues to smile at the baby then at me. In another world we could be this little girl's proud parents, a happy family.

A couple hours later the party is winding down, as children start to disappear one by one from the swimming pool.

"Excuse me Abby" I look up quickly and almost fall out of my seat, its Trent standing right over us. I look away for a second, fantasizing that if I don't look his way, he won't see me sitting close to his wife. But Abby doesn't do anything but look up at him; she's not scared of him, not intimidated by his cool demeanor. He gives me a quick accusing stare and then turns back to her.

"I've got to get to a meeting; it seems like most of the parents have picked up their children already." She nods her head at him. "Can you walk me out; I want to talk to you"

Abby gently hands Susan the baby who has been sleeping in her arms for the better part of the party. She gives me a quick raise of her eyebrows as she gets up, not grabbing his outstretched hand. I watch her walk away, following him to the door. I can see the back of her from where I'm sitting and I can't help but look, trying to figure out what they could be talking about. I hope she doesn't kiss him. I keep saying it over and over in my head. Don't kiss him, don't kiss him, don't kiss him! I hear Susan telling a story in the background as I keep one eye on Abby and Trent and the other on Susan, trying not to be so obvious. I watch as Trent reaches for Abby, like he is going to kiss her, but she pulls away and he leaves angrily. Yes! She pushed him away! I smile slightly to myself as Susan gets up and places Sophie into her basinet.

"Carter. Earth to Carter!" She's talking to me; I must be in la-la land.

"Ya, ya, sorry" I look up at Susan with a shake of my head.

"Were heading out, we've got to get Sophie home. You sticking around?" She winks at me and I laugh a little at her insinuation.

"Yes" I say it like a giddy teenager, as I feel too soft hands on my shoulders.

"Thank you for a having us, Ab" I turn around seeing that it is Abby standing behind me, touching me like I am hers.

"Oh, thank you for being here" She smiles at Susan and moves around me to hug her goodbye.

I look to the distance to see that the sun is starting to set, creating a slight breeze in the air. Abby takes a seat next to me, pulling a chair close and I notice her arms have sprung goose bumps. I grab the bag that I packed for me and Lexi and pull my sweatshirt out of it, placing it around her shoulders, unfortunately covering my view of her beautiful body.

"Thank you" She pulls the sweatshirt closer to her body and shivers a bit, rubbing her hands up and down her arms. I scoot my chair closer to her, reaching my arms out to warm her up as her hair starts blowing in the wind.

"Jake, Lexi, its time to get out of the pool now, its starting to get cold" She calls out to them as I grab her arm, lifting her out of her chair and on to my lap as I continue to rub my hands down her arms to warm her up. I mover her on to my knees so she isn't sitting that close to me, but surprisingly, she scoots her butt back so she is fully on my lap, leaning against my body. I rub down her arms a little more and then wrap mine around her, resting my head on her shoulder. I'm so glad that all her guests are gone and that I can be alone with her.

"Mommy, can I open my presents now?" Well I guess not truly alone. Jake pops out of nowhere and I almost push Abby right off of my lap. I'm not sure if he should see his mom being close with another man, but she doesn't flinch at all, so I guess I won't protest either. I'm sure he's too young to understand that we are being semi intimate by her sitting on my lap. The kids pull up a couple seats at the table, Jake toting a big trash bag of presents over his shoulder.

"Sure sweetie, bring me a pen and paper so I can write down everything that your friends got you" She asks Jake to get her what she needs, maybe that means that she is comfortable on my lap and doesn't want to get out of it. Jake grabs the first present out of the bag and it happens to be the one from me and Lexi. He shreds through it and as soon as the item is revealed, his face lights up like the sun.

"Play station 2!!" Jake shrieks and Abby turns around in my lap.

"John!" She firmly calls out my name as if she is going to punish me.

"What?" I play innocent.

"That is way too expensive!"

"Oh, please" I shrug her off as Jake comes running into our laps.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" He quickly hugs me and then walks back to Lexi to thank you her too.

"Can we play now mom, can we?" The kid is jumping up and down like a monkey, so excited.

"Sure baby" Abby smiles at me and mumbles a genuine thank you into my ear as I smile back at her. The kids scurry off with Jakes new present, leaving us alone again by the pool. I rub my hands down her arms and over the tops of her upper legs, bringing her closer to me as she stretches her neck out and strains her back.

"Your back still hurting you?" I move my hands over her, gently massaging her. She scoots her body up a little bit, making room for me to get my hands between us to give me better access to her back.

"Ya, I can't seem to get that spasm under control for the past couple of days."

I turn around and look at the Jacuzzi, a light bulb going off in my head.

"You should take a Jacuzzi, the hot water should loosen you up a little" She turns around in my lap again, looking at me and then back at the inviting Jacuzzi.

"Come with me?"

I nod my head at her; this is a dream come true, Abby and I alone in a hot tub. I lift her off of me and pull the sweatshirt off of her shoulders as I get up. Moving closer to the Jacuzzi, I pull my shirt up and notice Abby watching me as my head pops out of the bottom of it. I smile at her; we are both not hiding the attraction anymore as we undress in front of one another. She unzips her jean skirt and lets it fall to her feet, stepping out of it and throwing it on the empty chair next to her. She then lifts her tank over her head, stretching her body as I steal a peak at her before her head comes out from the other end. Here she is, standing in front of me in a black bikini, her sun kissed skin glowing in the dusk, her blond hair flowing in the wind. I step down into the hot tub, Abby dipping a toe in first to test the water.

"It's not too hot" I grab her hand as she walks into the water, taking a seat in front of one of the jets. I sit across from her, wanting her to be the one to move closer to me. I don't want to push her, so I will make the subtle moves and let her react to them and hopefully make others in response. I watch her settle into the water, her long hair half way wet, pooled around her shoulders.

"So what did Trent want before he left?"

"He wanted to say goodbye to me privately so he could try to kiss me" She says it shaking her head, as if it wasn't a pleasant experience.

"Did he succeed?" I ask her even though I already know the answer; she doesn't know that I was watching.

"Nope" She shakes her head, proud of herself.

"Good for you" I feel her foot against my leg under the water, but I'm not really sure if she meant to touch me or not. I reach my hand down, picking up her foot and putting it in my lap, massaging it intensely. She closes her eyes, comfortable with my assault on each one of her toes.

"He was angry at me when he left, he asked who you were" Her eyes are still closed as she leans her head back on the edge of the hot tub. I watch her enjoying herself.

"Oh, really" Ha! That little fucker asked about me! I let her foot go and pick up the other one, rubbing it the same, except I let my hands travel a little bit up her leg this time, massing her smooth skin. "What did you tell him?" This might sound like a stupid question, but I guess this might be my way to ask her what's going on with us, but I don't think I am going to get it out of her that easily. Besides, it's not like I have told her how I feel.

"I told him that you were a good friend that I work with and that I like to spend time with you." I nod my head at her. That's a better answer than I thought I would get. "And then he asked me if I was sleeping with you" Whoa! I almost choke on my own saliva. The thought of that alone makes me quiver. Why would he think that? Did I give off a vibe that told him that I was interested? I probably did, I just can't help myself.

"Was it that obvious?" I joke sarcastically.

"Ha" She laughs at my comment. "He's the total jealous type" She opens her eyes, looking at me as I am still rubbing up and down her legs.

"Well, unfortunately for me, he has nothing to be jealous of" I joke with her, although I mean it, hopefully she'll catch that I wish he had something to be jealous of.

"Well, I beg to differ. Don't you think he would like to be sitting here with me in a Jacuzzi rubbing my feet?"

"Actually yes, I would think that any man would like to be in my position right now" We smile giddily at each other, Abby rolling her eyes at my comment. I don't think she knows how hot she is.

"Well, come on. I'm cute but I'm not that cute" She pulls her foot away and I miss it instantly. I wasn't really ready to let her go yet.

"Oh, please, your beautiful" I say it nonchalantly as she stands up in the water and lifts her hands to pull her hair out of her face and into a knot on top of her head. She bites her lip and lifts her eyebrows at my comment. She then settles back into the water, although this time, right next to me and resting her hand on my knee under the hot water.

"Well that's good, because I'm single now, ya know" She's joking around and flirting, she is adorable.

"So does that mean that you're ready to start dating?" I lift my hands and splash my head with water, letting drops run down my face to cool myself off. It's getting hot in here, not only from the water, but from the closeness and conversation that we're having. I let my hands fall back into the water, resting one of them on top of Abby's and intertwining our fingers.

"I was thinking about it" She replies quietly, almost in a shy manner.

"What were you thinking?" She moves a little bit off the step, her hair starting to fall out of the knot that she put it in. With her fingers still attached to mine she dunks her head into the water and raises back out of it, her hair slick and dripping now. I think that she's teasing me, avoiding my question, soaked and half naked. My body quivers for a second as I look at her, not speaking, and I am suddenly very aware of a growing bulge in my swim trunks. I quickly flash myself a vision of my grandparents to deflate it. I then yank Abby's hand, pulling her body into my lap, her back against my chest.

"What were you thinking?" I whisper into her ear, commanding an answer. She turns around on my lap, straddling me, my hands running up and down her bare sides, my brain flashing me pictures of the geriatric ward to keep me from poking her. She swallows hard, her eyes locked on mine. I'm trying to read something from the lustrous expression on her face, but I don't want to assume anything.

"I was thinking . . . yes" I run my fingers up her back, bringing her closer to my body. I look down at her sitting on top of me and then look up to meet her eyes again. "Yes" She says again in a raspy whisper, biting at the bottom of her lip. She reaches out a hand under the water and slowly rubs it down my chest and back up again, then up my neck to the side of my head. She is so close to me, touching me, torturing me.

"Say it again" I ask in a low tone, her voice unbelievably sexy with each "yes" that she whispers.

"Yes" She bends her head down and kisses my shoulder, her soft lips traveling up towards my neck.

"Yes" I repeat back to her. I bend my neck back to give her better access, closing my eyes while my hands travel up her back to cup the back of her head. She kisses my jaw line and whispers into my ear, sending shivers down my spine. "Yes" I open my eyes and stare into hers, our faces centimeters apart. I cup her face, my lips meeting hers gently as she slides her hands down my arms. The kiss is soft first, not rushed, perfect and gentle and filled with emotion. I open my mouth, my tongue begging for entrance and she brings me in, passionately massaging my tongue with hers. I open my eyes for a second to make sure that this is for real, to look at her and know that she is here, right in front of me. I continue to kiss her, my hands wondering down her sides and back up into her hair. A groan escapes my mouth as she pulls back from me, looking at me and smiling the most beautiful smile I have ever seen. I lean in to kiss her lips one more time before she speaks.

"We wouldn't want the juveniles to catch us" She whispers to me, both of us suddenly aware that the kids could run out here at any second.

"No we wouldn't" I stare at her, her hands trailing under the water, up and down my chest. I look down into the water watching her glide her hands over my body.

"You're torturing me here" I say it in a low, shaky voice, Abby mischievously smiling at me, like that's what she meant to do. I position my hand over hers to stop her from rubbing my chest, if she continues to touch me like this, there will be an embarrassing scene and I don't think either of us wants that. She lifts her body off of mine, catching my drift, the water around me suddenly cold without her presence. I step out of the Jacuzzi into the chilly evening air, grabbing a towel and turning around to wrap it around Abby. I grab another one from the chair behind me, placing it over my shoulders and then pulling the ends of Abby's towel, bringing her body closer to mine. I run my hands up and down her arms; drying her and then pulling her into my towel, letting hers fall to the floor. I wrap my towel around us, looking into the house to make sure that the kids aren't around. She looks back also to be sure, turning her head, leaving her neck exposed for me to place delicate kisses along her skin. She laughs a little, placing her hands on my chest and pushing me back from her as I laugh too. We both know that we have to stop or we are going to get caught. It's like we are teenagers who want to make out, but someone's parents are home and we will have to make other arrangements. I can't wait for those other arrangements.

It seems that we have stepped away from each other just in a nick of time as I see Jake running up to us behind Abby.

"Mommy, were hungry" Abby turns her head around and steps out of my towel as I pick up my sweatshirt from the chair and place it over her shivering, bikini clad body.

"Okay, sweet pea I'm going to order us a pizza or something" She looks back at me, the expression on her face asking me what I think about that. I nod my head, anything you want gorgeous, I'm whipped already!

"Ya, pizza Lexi!" Jake runs back into the house, Abby and I following him into the den where they're playing his new video games. I sit down on the floor next to the kids, feeling like I should give them some attention so they don't suspect that something is going on with their parents.

"Okay Jake, me against you buddy" I pick up a controller, giving Abby a wink of my eye. Turning back to the television, I feel her hands on my shoulders quickly before she steps away

"I'm going to take a quick shower" I turn around and watch her walk away, my sweatshirt not quite covering her butt. I stare for a while, unable to turn around, wishing that I could have gone with her to shower.

"John . . . John, its starting, I'm beating you!" I turn my head quickly, the children laughing at me as Jake proceeds to kick my ass at the video game.

A half hour goes by, Abby still upstairs, although I heard the water stop running ten minutes ago. The door bell rings and I get up to answer it, opening the door and handing the pizza guy some cash out of my back pocket. I walk the pizzas to the kitchen as Abby comes running down the stairs.

"Where did the pizza guy go?" She looks to the front door and back at me.

"He left" She caulks her head at me, giving me a stern expression. She walks to her purse and pulls out a twenty dollar bill.

"Well here"

"Are you kidding?" I guess I should tell her that my family is loaded. She's never going to pay for anything when she's with me. I'm going to spoil her rotten!

"John, take it"

"Abby, it's on me" I pull her body to me, stealing a quick kiss before the kids run into the kitchen. She smells like shampoo and soap, her hair still damp and starting to wave at the ends.

"Remind me to tell you something later" I run my hands through her hair as she looks up at me with a questioning gaze. "Its no big deal, just something I want to tell you" I pull out of her arms as I look into the den, noticing the children getting up from the television.

An hour later, the children are parked in front of the television, watching Shrek for the tenth time, Abby and I lounging in the kitchen drinking coffee. We are so comfortable with each other. There is no awkwardness at all. I look at her smiling and she looks behind her, confused at my expression.

"What are you smiling at?"

"Just you" I reach my foot out under the table, lightly tapping hers with mine, just to have contact with her. We look at each other again in silence, both of is leaning our chins in our palms on the table. I look over into the den at the kids and then back at Abby, thinking about how we can be alone sometime.

"What if you bring Jake over tomorrow night and we leave the kids with a sitter . . . and then maybe we can go out . . . just the two of us" I talk almost in a whisper, aware of the children in the next room. She shakes her head vertically at me and whispers a "Yes".

"Yes?" I joke with her, raising my eyebrows, alluding to our episode in the hot tub. She knows that I want to hear her say it again, by now we both know that forever her throaty "yes" will drive me crazy.

Review responses

CamilaC: Reviews like yours make me want to write more and more. Thanks!

Hibbs: Thanks for finally reviewing! I hope I'll hear from you more.

Tilde84: You can say it a lot, I love to hear it.

Karen/ Carbyfan/ Rachel: You got what you were waiting for. What did you think?

Kattybaby: Reading your fics is what made me want to write! I love that you like my story!


	11. date night

Thank you so so much for all of your awesome reviews! I love hearing what you think of my story. I wanted to respond to all the reviews but I think there are too many, so I will respond to the ones that were a little more detailed. Thanks again!

Chapter Eleven

I wake in the morning and shut the alarm clock off, music blaring in my ear, but I don't mind it today. I hop out of bed, it's a Monday and I'm usually never that enthused to wake up, but today is different. It's the beginning of a new week, but also, as cheesy as it sounds, the first day of the rest of my life. I walk into the bathroom, looking at my reflection in the mirror, I look happy and healthy. Okay, I think that I am giddy. For the first time in five years I'm feeling something that I thought I had lost forever. Butterflies, they're fluttering in my stomach, searching my body, flying through my throat. It feels good actually, I feel alive. I take a step closer and look at my body, remembering that I am a woman, soft and sensuous and feminine. I don't remember the last time that I felt that I was sexy, until I spent time with John this week. I've known this man for only three weeks, but I feel like I could have known him forever. He makes me feel wanted and beautiful and free. I never thought that I would be with another man, kiss and hold someone other than Trent. And when I realized that that thought might become a reality, I never imagined that it would feel as good as it did yesterday with John. It worried me a little that I didn't think about Trent one time when I was kissing John last night. I didn't expect that I would be over my husband and wanting to be with someone else this quickly. I look in the mirror and shrug off my thoughts. There is nothing wrong with wanting to move on, especially when moving on includes John Carter.

I step into the shower, the hot water hitting my body, shocking my skin for a second. I settle underneath the faucet, scrubbing my body harshly, hoping to wash off the prints from the last nine years of Trent running his hands over my body. I want to start clean, leave the past behind, but take the good things with me, the things I learned from being in the marriage that I was, and of course, my precious son. I sit down on the step in the shower, letting the water hit my chest, rolling my neck back and stretching my body out, a vision of John in the shower with me running through my mind. I can't believe this man that has come along, more so, I can't believe how much I like him and crave to be around him. I love that I know he feels the same, too. I can feel it. And I think I knew it a while ago, I just didn't want to acknowledge it because I thought that I wasn't ready yet. But yesterday, I knew that I was ready. I spent the last five years in a depressing passionless marriage and its time to change that. Its time for some passion and intimacy and dare I say, love.

I walk into the hospital in the early after noon, still dressed semi nicely after meeting with my divorce lawyer to make my decision official. I walk into the lounge and over to my locker to grab my scrubs. Opening it, I reach for my stethoscope on the top shelf and pull something out that I forgot was shoved up there. It's a family photo, me, Trent and Jake on the swings in the backyard, Jake only about a year old. I bring it close to my face, staring at it for a minute, a feeling of guilt washing over me. I have just decided to split my family apart, to never put my child to sleep with his daddy at my side, to never cook a family dinner or take a family vacation again. I look away from the photo, trying to gain perspective with out looking directly into my past. I have to do this, there is no choice. When Jake gets older, he will understand. When he is a young man, married with children, he'll respect the decision that I made for myself. I can't stay in this marriage to save a family that isn't truly happy. I continue to look at the picture, feeling a little bit better as I hear the lounge door swing open. Lost in my own thoughts, I don't turn my head to see who it is. Suddenly I feel hands on my hips and I jump, spooked out of my reverie, for a second thinking that it could be Trent.

"Sorry" I turn quickly to see John with a confused expression on his face, his hands in the air like a suspect.

"No . . . I'm, nothing" I shake my head at him, trying to communicate that it wasn't his touch that scared me. "It wasn't you" He looks down, noticing the picture in my hand, his expression turning from worried to the world is ending. He looks back up at me, realizing that I was concentrating on the picture of myself and Trent.

"Abby, um . . . if you need some more time . . . I don't want this to happen if you're not ready" His expression is sad but he is so incredibly gentle and genuinely concerned for my feelings. For this, I want him more. I move closer to him, dropping the picture back into my locker, snaking my arms around his waist.

"No" I whisper into his chest and look up at him, a smile creeping onto my face. "I don't want to wait anymore" I look into his eyes, awaiting a response from him but he looks uneasy. I really hope that I haven't scared him away. He reaches his hand up to my face, sweeping my bangs away from my forehead and trailing his fingers down the side of my cheek before he speaks.

"Are you sure that you are done trying with him? Because I don't want you to decide to end your marriage because of me, and I don't want you to regret it later, and I certainly don't want to pressure you to make this decision before you're ready."

"I'm ready" I swallow hard and shake my head at him, hoping that he isn't going to decide that we are doing this too soon. I want him; I don't know how I will get through this with out him. Even if I only had his friendship, I still need him. He searches my eyes for a sign, something that is going to tell him that I mean it, that I am not impulsing on huge decision here that will affect the both of us and our children as well.

"John" I pull his hand into mine and his body closer towards me, my other hand making its way up his neck. "I'm sure. I filed my papers today."

He moves his hands to my hips, gently resting them there as he leans his body against the lockers. He starts to speak and then stops, probably changing his mind about what he was going to say. He opens his mouth again, hesitating a little, but this time his words make it out of his mouth.

"I'm not sure if I am supposed to be happy or sad about that"

I know what he's saying. As a friend he shouldn't be happy that my marriage has fallen apart, but as a guy that wants to date me I guess it should make him pretty happy that I'll be available. I smile at him, soothing his uneasiness. He is being so gentle and careful with me, what a sweetheart.

"You can be happy" I lift my body onto my tip toes, wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him gently on the lips, quickly so we aren't caught by anyone.

"Well good, because I am" He strokes my arms up and down smiling brightly at me. I think he's happy with the way that our conversation went. "Do you want to bring Jake over at around seven thirty tonight?" I nod my head yes as he leans in to give me one last kiss before he lets me go, stepping towards the door.

"Hey, John" He turns around and looks at me, He is so handsome. "Um, I haven't talked to Jake yet, about Trent and I . . . so if the kids ask where were going to night, would you mind if we told them that we were going to a work meeting or something?" I'm a little nervous about his answer; I don't see why he wouldn't understand that though.

"Of course not" Perfect.

I arrive at John's house after much prepping for the evening. I decided last night that my first date in nine years was going to be perfect. I took a two hour shower, shaved, waxed, blow dried and beautified; and I must admit, I look hot tonight. He opens the door looking quite hot himself and it is taking a lot for me not to pull him to me and kiss him hello. We silently communicate a hello to each other, Jake looking at John and then at me, pointing his finger up and down our bodies.

"What are you all dressed up for?" I look at John and back at Jake. I think he is going to let me handle this one.

"We're going to something for the hospital tonight"

"Like a party?"

"Yea, a little like that" I pull him into a hug and kiss the top of his head.

"Hey Jake, Lexi is in the playroom with Sarah" John ruffles Jakes hair and then he runs past him up the stairs.

"Buy kiddo, love you" I yell out to him, him yelling back a quick "love you" over his shoulder. I bend my head and make sure he is out of our view, John turning around also to be sure before he pulls me to him, kissing me passionately. He lets me go, his arm still around my waist.

"You look beautiful" He whispers into my ear.

"Not so bad yourself" I kiss him again, grabbing his hand, pulling him towards his car. "Let's go"

A half hour later we are seated at a table on the deck of a beautiful restaurant over looking the lake, our fingers slightly touching each other over the table cloth. For someone that hasn't lived in Chicago very long, John sure knew where to find a great romantic restaurant. I bet he asked Susan, how cute is he?! We finish looking at the menus and put them down, looking at each other smiling, happy that we are here together, alone, finally.

"What did you want to tell me last night?" He looks confused for a second and then it looks like he remembers. He smiles almost embarrassed and plays with his wine glass.

"Um, it's nothing really. . . I just wanted to tell you something, not because I want you to know . . . or because I think that it's important for you to know . . . but I just didn't want you to think that I was hiding it." I'm worried for a second, not being able to figure out what he could possibly want to tell me. He covers my hand with his, trying to reassure me.

"What is it?" I ask gently, but very curiously.

"My family runs a charity foundation; um . . . We donate and raise money for a number of learning enrichment programs and architectural developments around the US. It was my grandparents' money, really. . . Um my grandmother used to run the foundation and she left it to me when she died."

I cut him off, it seems like he needs to be saved here. "John, are you trying to tell me that you're loaded?" I say it with a smile, laughing a little at how embarrassed he is by all of this. He smiles at me quickly, laughing at himself also.

"Yes, I'm loaded"

"Well, that's not a bad thing." He looks at me for a minute, like he wants to discuss this further and I am quite interested so I nod my head at him to go on.

"My grandparents never wanted me to be a doctor. They just wanted to me run the foundation and I was never very interested in doing that. Sometimes I think my grandmother left me all her money and responsibility just to spite me. . . I guess I just never really agreed with the causes that they gave their money too. They were building symphony halls when I thought it was more important to help sick people who couldn't afford medical care."

"Well, the foundations yours now, so maybe you can do that." He raises his eyes to the sky for a minute and looks back at me, thinking about what I said.

"Your right, I can"

We smile at each other, sipping or wine, enjoying the beautiful view. The night is warm with a light breeze running over the water. Our food comes and I can't help that I am not that hungry. I'm a little nervous and a little anxious. I like John so much that the butterflies in my stomach won't seem to stop fluttering so I can eat without barfing. We sip some wine and talk a little, playing with each others feet under the table. It seems like we have to have contact with each other at all times, I love that. I haven't felt like I wanted to be close with someone in years. I haven't wanted or lusted after anyone. This feels different, and a little scary, but so right.

We drive back up to his house after two hours of talking and getting to know each other over diner. He parks the car and we turn to each other, sad that our alone time is over. He moves his hand over to my knee, rubbing up and down my leg and then pulling the center console up so he could get closer. He moves his hand up to my cheek and pulls me to him, kissing me softly as I move my hand up to his shoulder. We continue to kiss each other for while, without any intentions of stopping, our make out session becoming more and more intense by the minute. He pulls away for a second, looking over at the back seat and I know what he's thinking. We both laugh out loud, our hands still all over each other. He turns back to me and kisses me again, ignoring our teenage temptations, but once again we find ourselves not wanting to settle for kissing only. I pull my lips away from his, a light bulb turning on in my head as he moves his lips to my neck.

"We could go to my house" He lifts his head and smiles in a way I have never seen him smile before. Okay, I guess he likes my idea, a lot.

"Brilliant!" He says, turning on the engine and driving away fast.

AN: I stopped here because I wanted the next part to be Carters point of view. I just thought that it would be better that way.

Review Responses

Meligurljo/Eve1980: Thanks for finally reviewing; I'm glad you like it!

Jenn: Maybe that will come along quite a few chapters down the road

Abbyfan: Thanks! I try to keep Abby as positive as believable.

Danie: Wow! Thank you so much!

Carbyfan: Well here is half the date; I hope you will like the rest. Let me know what you think.

Er-carby-luva: I love your reviews, they are always so cute! I'm glad you like it, this story makes me giddy too!


	12. extra hours

Thanks so much for all of your reviews. I have been really busy and it's been hard to get some time to write, but I will continue this story because I really like it. As long as I continue to get positive feedback, you will see updates at least a couple times a week. This chapter is rated R.

Chapter Twelve

The glowing clock reads midnight on the dashboard as I zoom through the suburban streets to get to Abby's house before I explode. I pick up my cell phone, realizing that I told the sitter that we would be home by twelve. I fell like a kid, calling to let his parents know that he'll be home late because he wants to go score with his girlfriend. I dial the number, Abby looking at me questioningly, like who could I be calling at a time like this?

"Hi, Sarah, um would you mind staying an extra hour?" Abby slaps my leg and flashes me the peace sign. "I mean two hours, I'll give you an extra hundred bucks" Abby laughs out loud, I'm afraid that my offer came off as a little desperate, but hey, she's the one that wanted me to ask for another hour, besides, I have a feeling that she thought my gesture was cute, rather than pathetic. I hang up the phone and flash a smile at Abby, squeezing her thigh gently, her hand covering mine and bringing it up to her lips.

We pull up to her house and we are out of the car and at the door quickly. I stand behind her as she slides her key into the lock, my hands trailing up her sides. I follow her inside, hoping that we could go straight to the bedroom, but not wanting to push it. It seems like I won't have to though because she's grabbing my hand, pulling me up the stairs. We enter the bedroom and I grab Abby's hand turning her around and bringing her into my arms, kissing her gently. I move my lips to her ear and down her neck as she undoes the buttons on my shirt and rubs down my bare chest. I shrug the shirt off my shoulders letting it fall to the floor before resting my hands on Abby's hips and traveling them up her sides under her shirt. She lifts her arms for me to pull it over her head, exposing a lacey black bra. I take a half step back from her, pushing her hair behind her shoulders so I can look at her. I trail my hand up her stomach, tickling her; she shivers beneath my touch. I kiss her again, unclasping her bra and pulling her arms out of it. My hands go back to her stomach, moving over her belly button before she reaches a hand out to cover my own. She moves my hand with hers, guiding me over her breasts, my lips moving down her neck. She lets out a small moan as I move my hands over her, bringing my body closer to hers. I walk her backwards towards the bed as she reaches her hands to the buckle of my belt, undoing it quickly. I step out of my pants, kicking them to the side and then I reach for the hem on Abby's skirt. I let the skirt slide down her legs, leaving her in a black lace g-string that matched her bra. I swallow hard, looking down at her body, running my fingers over it slowly. She is gorgeous, breathtaking, incredible. I can't believe I am about to make love to the woman that I have been dreaming about. I continue to stare at her, unable to make another move as I am in awe. My eyes travel up her body and meet hers; she is smiling big, completely comfortable with my ogling. She laughs a little, pulling me close to her; we fall onto the bed, pressing our bare bodies against each others.

"Oh my god" I whisper lowly, I can't help myself. I moan underneath her, my eyes closed, focusing on her exploration of my body. I search for my barings quickly, trying not to be overly excited before I ask her if she is absolutely sure that she wants to do this. I lie next to her breathing heavily, our naked bodies radiating heat into one another. I bring my hand up to her face and kiss her gently before speaking.

"Are you sure?" Her lips curl into a smile and she kisses me passionately, stopping for one second before whispering a "yes" into my ear. I reach over to my wallet to pull a condom out, opening it slowly, she reaches her hand over mine to stop me and I look up at her questioningly.

"I'm on the pill" I smile big at her, great, obviously, were both healthy, I hate those things anyway. I want to feel her, have pure contact. I throw the condom across the room and climb on top of her, kissing her intensely as I slide into her gently. She moans softly, extending her neck back over the pillow, biting her bottom lip and closing her eyes. I think this is the painful pleasure for a woman that comes with going a while with out having sex. I run my fingers through her hair and kiss the side of her face gently, slowly moving inside of her so I don't hurt her. She takes a deep breath and adjusts her position underneath me.

"Okay?" I ask with a whisper into her ear, I know I am being overly cautious with her. For some reason, she seems so fragile to me. Maybe that's because she's so small or maybe it's just because I like her so much. She nods her head yes and then opens her eyes widely and stares into mine, coming back to me, the pain turning into pleasure as we move together slowly.

A while later, we lay in complete silence, her head resting on my chest; I think I can hear her heart beating. I move my hands down to her back, kissing the top of her head as I lift her off of my chest and turn her over so I can hold her from behind.

"That was incredible" I whisper into her ear, kissing down her neck. I can see the ends of her mouth stretch into a smile as my hands run over her body, touching her in any place that I might have missed during our love making.

"Yes it was" She grabs my fingers and pulls them to her lips, kissing them and then kissing the palm of my hand.

"So what was that extra hour for?" I ask her, curious as to what she had in mind.

"This" She is alluding to our cuddling, which feels amazing, but I have something else in mind.

"Or this?" I kiss down her cheek, reaching her lips as I move on top of her, spreading her legs so my body can fit between them. She laughs her throaty, sexy laugh, before kissing me back. "Okay, this too"

I gaze at the clock next to Abby's bed as she lies in my arms, half asleep. Running my hand down her arm, I whisper to wake her gently.

"Hey, Its 1:45" She stirs a little and turns around to cuddle into my chest. I would do anything to not have to get out of bed with her right now.

"How about another hundred for Sarah to stay the night" She's joking with me, but I'm glad that she doesn't want to get out of bed either. We laugh together, sitting up in bed, collecting our clothing.

The drive to my house is quiet considering that Abby is sleeping, my right hand holding hers between her legs. I gently wake her when I have pulled into the garage. She stretches her arms to the roof of the car, and then looks my way and smiles. I walk into the house, still holding Abby's hand, her following me through the narrow hallways. We reach Lexis bedroom and stand quietly at the door together, watching our children sleeping, she leans her head on my shoulder. I reach over my body and cup the back of her head, kissing her hair lightly before she looks up at me and meets my lips in an innocent kiss. I let her go and walk toward the children, pulling the covers around Lexi's body and kissing her gently on her cheek. I move over to Jake and kiss his forehead before picking up his tiny body and handing him to Abby who is standing next to me with open arms. I smile as I watch her hold him, there is something that is so attractive to me when I watch her with her son. She is an amazing mother. Maybe one day, Lexi will look at her as a mother figure.

I follow her out to the car, opening the door so she could lie Jake down on the back seat. She shuts his door and turns around into my arms. I pull her to my chest and hug her tightly; I wish that she really knew how incredible this night was for me. I want to tell her, tell her everything. I want to tell her that I want to be with her forever, that I haven't felt this way in over ten years. I want to tell her that I want our families to become one, that I want to have another baby with her. I want to give her everything that she could possible want.

I hold her close to me, not wanting to let her go, but its two o'clock in the morning now and we both have morning shifts tomorrow. She lets go of me and looks down at the ground, thinking, I can tell. She looks back up with a nervous face as I look at her questioningly.

"What?" I ask gently, running my fingers down her arms.

"Um . . .I don't want this to come out the wrong way, but um . . . I'm not divorced yet," She plays with the buttons on my shirt, still looking down, "and I'm not even sure that people knew that I was separated. . . so, would you mind keeping this just between us right now . . . just so I don't get the reputation of the ER slut?" I lift her chin to look at me and I smile warmly, the expression on her face turning from worried to relieved. I kiss her gently.

"Well what are you going to do for me?" I joke with her and she smiles mischievously.

"I'm going to let you take me out again this weekend."

"Oh, well then that totally worth it" We smile at each other, our bodies standing so closely together.

"Tonight was . ." She's lost her words as she looks into my eyes, trying to figure out the best way to describe our evening.

"Amazing" I finish for her, hoping that she would agree.

"Yea, it was"

"I'll see you in the morning" I kiss her one last time before watching her get into the car and drive away into the night.

I walk into the hospital only six hours after than seeing Abby off at my house early this morning. I am exhausted right now, but I don't care at all. I would have stayed up all night to be with her if I could have. Last night was the most incredible night that I have had with a woman since longer that I can remember. I feel like a teenager, I probably even have that glow today, the one that says that I got laid last night.

Triage is filled with tons of patient as I walk by, making my way over to the lounge. There could be five hundred million patients in triage today, and I wouldn't even care; I'm on cloud nine and nothing can get me down. I walk through the swinging door and move over to my locker to put my stuff down. I pull my shirt off to change into my scrub top quickly, the lounge door swinging open before I could get it over my head.

"You getting naked in here?" It's Abby's voice, joking with me. I laugh before I can even see her, my head poking through the top of my scrubs. I smile at her, motioning her to come close for the few seconds that we'll get to be alone. She walks up to me with a smile on her face, her hair back in a pony tail with her bangs falling into her eyes, she looks like a teenager, playing doctor; she is absolutely adorable. I kiss her quickly, both of us looking around to make sure that no one is coming through the door. I slide my hands down her sides, wanting so much to take her into my arms, but remembering that we need to keep our personal relationship quiet when at work.

"I wish you could have spent the night. I would have loved to wake up next to you this morning" I slide my hand down the side of her lab coat.

"Well maybe you can wake up next to me this weekend when Jake stays with Trent" She smiles, playing with the buttons on her shirt.

"Actually, I think that this weekend I'm going to send Lexi to visit Ali" She raises an eyebrow at me, I love that she likes my idea. Just thinking about spending the weekend alone with Abby is all I need to go on with my life.


	13. confessions

Thank you for all of your wonderful reviews. I always look forward to reading each and every one of them! There are some responses at the bottom, but I couldn't get to all of them. Thanks again!

Chapter Thirteen

I look around the hospital at half past six and it seems that everybody has there attention on a patient or is working on charts. Walking down the hall, passing exam three, I spot Carter sitting in a chair reading to a young patient. I stand outside the door for a second, smiling at his sweetness, looking in, he doesn't lift his head quite yet. I look back over to the lounge and then into the room again, through the shudders. He lifts his head and smiles at me, looking down at the book and then up again. I motion towards the lounge and then at the watch on my wrist to tell him that I am off and going home. He nods his head and smiles slightly as I turn around to collect my stuff to leave. I shut the door to my locker and slip a quick note into his to call me when he gets off.

I arrive home and walk into the house, my eyes immediately darting to something that looks out of place in my living room by the front door. There is a brief case resting against the couch.

"Hey, I dropped Jake of from camp and decided to stay and spend some time with him. Maybe we can have a family diner or something." I turn around fast, spooked by Trent's voice behind me. I look around the room, not wanting to make eye contact with him. What is he thinking, why wont he just go home?

"Um, I don't think that's such a good idea." I turn around again to walk up the stairs, Trent on my heels as I lift my feet up each step.

"Why isn't it a good idea?" I almost answer him as I peer into Jakes room, looking for him, not wanting him to hear our conversation.

"Where's Jake?" I ask as I look past him.

"In the yard playing." He sighs audibly, getting frustrated. This man isn't used to not getting what he wants from me. "Why isn't it a good idea Abby?"

I walk into our bedroom, Trent grabbing my shoulder to turn me around, demanding an answer.

"Because were not a family anymore Trent!" I yell it loudly, not at all worried that my words are hurting him. I just can't help it anymore, I'm still angry at him.

"We are still a family until those divorce papers are drawn up!" He looks angry, shouting.

"Well they have been, this morning actually" I rest my hands on my hips, irritated at this conversation.

"I can't believe you would through all of this away. Our family Abby, look what you're doing to our son!"

"I'm not doing this to anyone! And since when are we a family anyway? Since, you work 24 hours a day? Or since you offer to spend one Sunday with your son instead of your buddies? Or since you come home every evening and kiss your wife hello and let her know how much you love and appreciate her! We haven't been a family for five years now, open your eyes!" I'm yelling; I'm screaming at him, my hands flailing about. I can't help it anymore. I have had to let this out for ages now, and finally I am going to do it. I'm going to yell at the bastard all I want. He sits down on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands staring at the floor. I almost feel bad for him, but not quite yet.

"Look. I –

I start to speak but he cuts me off.

"What's that on the floor?" He points to something peeking out from under the bed skirt. "A used condom!" Oh my god! It's the condom that Carter and I decided not to use last night. I know he through it somewhere but I couldn't find it this morning. I get nervous and flustered for a second, but them I remember that I don't care about his feelings. So he'll be hurt that I slept with someone, big deal. There are countless times that he has hurt me. He's probably slept with other woman anyway, I'm sure he has cheated on me before.

"It's not used!" I don't know why that was my rebuttal. It's the first thing I thought to say, but it's true.

"Oh, so its supposed to make me feel better that you fucked some guy, but didn't use it!" He has totally lost his cool.

"You know what, that's none of your business anymore" I shake my head at him, walking into my closet, trying to keep busy so I don't soc him in the face, because I really want to.

"I am your husband Abby and it is my business" He gets up from the bed and comes up behind me after I have taken off my scrub top. I am standing with my back to him, only wearing a bra. I turn around quickly, whatever, it's not like he hasn't seen me in a bra, or naked a million times for that matter. I point my finger at him and yell.

"You are my ex-husband now Trent, and I am going to date and sleep with whom ever I want." I pull my t-shirt over my head and take a deep breath and continue. "Why are you acting as if this was something that I did? Why is it so hurtful to you that I'm divorcing you? You don't even want me Trent!" He walks back to the bed and sits down, defeated.

"I want us to be a family again Abby" I slip on a pair of slippers and walk over to the bed and sit down next to him, I guess I can try to be sensitive to his feelings now that he has calmed down. I take a deep breath and look him in the eyes.

"That is not a good enough reason for us to stay together. I can't be in a loveless, unhappy marriage just so our son can grow up with two parents in his household. I can't sacrifice my happiness for that. He'll understand when he's older Trent. And you know what; he'll respect me for it." He looks off into the distance for a minute as I wait for his response.

"Who is he?"

"What?" I look at him questioningly; I don't know what he's asking.

"The guy that your sleeping with, who is he?" Well, I guess I'm going to be honest; there is not point in lying.

"I work with him. He's a doctor"

"Are you in love with him?" I think for a second before I answer. I'm not in love with John yet, but I know that I'm on my way. I feel amazing when I'm around him.

"I like him" I say it in a whisper, hoping that he'll find my honestly refreshing instead of freaking out. He gets up from the bed and walks toward the door looking sad, and pathetic really. I walk towards him wanting to comfort him. I didn't care if I hurt him before but I guess I really can't be as much an ass as he is, I just don't have it in me.

"I better go" I want to say something that will make him feel better but I don't know what that could be. I start to talk, still not knowing what to say.

"Trent . . ." I don't say anything more, we just stand there and look at each other, I think were having a moment of understanding. He moves towards me, I'm not sure why until his lips are upon mine, softly and innocently. I let him kiss me for a minute. Its okay, it's the last time that he ever will. He pulls away from me and makes quick eye contact, then turns around and walks down the stairs. I watch from the landing as he picks up his brief case and walks out the front door. I walk back to the bed and sit down on the edge, resting my head in my hands just as Trent did a couple minutes ago. This argument has completely exhausted me. But I feel okay. He's okay and I'm okay. I think that deep down he wants me to be happy and he knows that that isn't going to happen if I continue to be with him.

I rest my head on the pillow kicking the covers to the side of the bed. Lying on my stomach, I look around the room, thinking about what our next move is. I guess I'll have to move out of this house, pack all of our things, look for houses. I guess I am going to talk to Jake about this and explain what divorcing means. That's going to be the hardest part. I pull the sheets over my body, the sun still shining into my shudders; my eyes start to close as I drift off.

"Mommy, wake up! Mom I'm hungry" Jake jumps onto the bed, bouncing up and down to wake me up. I turn over and look at the clock. Its eight thirty already, I slept for over an hour.

"Okay, okay" I sit up in bed, thinking that I should get our talk over with. I motion for him to come sit next to me, wrapping my arms around him. I take a deep breath and start my explanation.

"Jakey, I want to talk to you about something really important. . . you know how I told you that daddy was going to stay at the hotel until he was done with his work?"

"Yes" He nods his head as I think about how I am going to tell him this.

"Well, he's done with all his work now. But I don't think that he is going to come home sweetie. I think that your daddy is going to move into his own house." Jake look confused for a second, but them his face contorts into as expression of understanding.

"Like Lexis daddy lives in his own house?"

"Yea, just like that"

"So are you getting a divorce?" I am shocked at his question. I didn't know that he even knew that word.

"How do you know what a divorce is?"

"Lexi told me that her mommy and daddy are divorced. She said that they don't love each other anymore. That's why Lexis mom lives far away."

"Well baby daddy isn't going to move far away, but we are going to live in separate houses and you are going to live with me sometimes and with daddy sometimes."

"So you are getting a divorce"

"Yes, we are sweetie." I shake my head lightly, wrapping my arms tighter around him.

"So you don't love daddy anymore?" How am I supposed to answer that question?

"Your daddy is very special to me Jakey, and I will always love him, but I am going to love him like a friend, just like you love Lexi. She's your friend, but not your girlfriend, right?"

"Mom, I'm too young to have a girlfriend!" He laughs a little at my comment and then settles back into a sad little face.

"But we both love you very much and we will always love you the same whether we are living together or not."

"Are you going to have a boyfriend?"

"I don't know, how would you feel if I did?"

"Could it be Lexi's daddy? Lexi says that her daddy needs a girlfriend because he's lonely" Well maybe this is going to be easy. I don't want to say yes though because I think the news of the divorce is enough for one night.

"Maybe" He looks at me and smiles, that was easier than I thought.

"So then Lexi could be my sister if you marry John." Okay, now were jumping the gun, but at least the kid isn't in tears. I know that this is going to hurt him at some point, but if thinking that there is a chance that he could live with Lexi is going to keep him happy right now, I am going to go along with it.

"Come on kiddo, I'm going to make you some diner"

I walk into the lounge early for my shift, feeling like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. After having the talk with Jake last night, I feel like I can finally start heading my life in the right direction. Moving toward my locker, I notice a body on the couch, its Carters. He is dead asleep. I inch closer to him and take a seat at the edge of the sofa before rubbing my hand down his back to gently wake him. He stirs a little bit, turning over, reaching his hand out to feel me sitting next to him. He starts to talk, still half asleep, before opening his eyes.

"Is that you?" He rubs up and down my leg to make sure.

"That depends who you think I am" I joke with him in a whispering voice.

"That hot temp up in radiology?" He's joking back. I continue to play along.

"My name is Stacy" He pulls me on top of him, a smile playing on his lips.

"Oh, Stacy" He laughs a little as he tugs me down to kiss him. "I have to tell you that I'm cheating on you with this gorgeous blond doctor down in the ER." I smile into his neck and raise my head back up, hoping that no one is on their way into the lounge. I get serious for a second, wanting to tell him about my discussion with Jake and about what happened with Trent.

"Well, it's all out in the open now"

"What do you mean?" He looks confused.

"Trent came over last night to drop Jake off and he found our discarded condom on the floor in my bedroom." I say it with a laugh. Looking back on it, it's actually kind of funny.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry" He laughs a little with me and I shrug it off, it's not his fault anyway. "So what happened?"

"I told him that I was seeing someone and he freaked out for a second but we talked about it and he knows now that there's no interest on my part to reconcile."

"Well, I guess that's good for me then" He pulls me back on top of him, kissing my neck.

"Yes it is. . . I also had a talk with Jake about it too" He looks at me with an expression of surprise and relief.

"You had a big night ha" His eyes are wide; I think he's proud of me.

"I did" I say it, kind of proud of myself too.

"How'd it go?"

"Good actually. Mainly, because he told me that Lexi's dad is looking for a girlfriend and he wants it to be me so one day he could be Lexi's brother and live in the same house as her." We both laugh together.

"Why don't you move in tomorrow then?" He jokes as he kisses down my shoulder, trying to pull my lab coat down as I try to keep it on.

"I'm busy tomorrow" I laugh before I let myself kiss him, forgetting where we are. A couple minutes later, heavy into a make out session, the door creaks open, Carter and I jumping apart, turning our heads to see who it is.

"Whoa, when did this happen?" Thank god it's Susan! We all laugh a bit as I pull my lab coat back onto my shoulders. I'm slightly embarrassed, but this is my best friend and I was going to tell her anyway. I look at John and smile as he gives Susan a nod of his head. One that says, "Okay, you caught us" She moves closer to us, sitting down on one of the chairs, Sophie asleep in her arms.

"What are you doing here?" I ask Susan, trying to change the subject.

"Everybody wanted to see Sophie, so we stopped by for a visit. Besides, I miss this place, who would have thought!?" I get up from the couch and take Sophie's sleeping body from Susan's arms. This little baby is so beautiful and perfect. I have to admit, there is a part of me that is a bit jealous. I want a baby girl so badly.

I walk the baby back to the couch and sit next to John, cuddling into his shoulder. He looks down at her and smiles, tracing her foot with his finger. I love that he's interested in the baby; it makes me feel hopeful that there are men in the world that might actually want to have another child with me. I look up at him and we share a quick moment of tenderness before Sophie starts to wake up. She blinks her eyes a couple times and stretches her body in my arms. I smile over at Susan, communicating how precious her little angel is.

"She's probably hungry" Susan gets up and hands me a bottle as I look at her for approval. She nods her head for me to get started before Sophie starts to beg for it. I watch as the tiny baby suckles on the bottle, John hovering above me. This is the most therapeutic thing I have done in years. I'm in heaven, with my two best friends sitting next to me. It doesn't get much better than this. I watch the baby, concentrating on her, Susan finally breaking our silence.

"You know, just because the baby is hungry, doesn't mean I'm going to forget about what I just walked in on" John and I look up at each other and smile, the three of s sharing a quick laugh.

"Okay, so you caught us kissing" He raises his hands in defeat.

"So, when are the nuptials?" Susan jokes and then continues. "Better yet, Abby when are you getting divorced?" She's joking around, smiling and laughing. I love that she finds this so amusing.

"Actually, we drew up the papers yesterday" I say it with a smirk; I bet she didn't expect that.

"Well congratulations! And to you as well Carter" We all laugh, making light of this whole little mess.

**Review Responses**

HappyAbby: I loved that line too. Thanks!

Carbyfan/Sam/Jo7: You got what you were looking for. She finally told Jake, I didn't want to drag it out either.

Ash: I **did** put an R warning at the top of the page. I guess you missed it. I'm glad you like the chapter though.

CamilaC: Thanks for always reviewing. I love to hear what you think!

Rachel: Thanks, the weekend is coming soon!


	14. Denver

Sorry about the long wait for this chapter. Thanks again for your kind reviews!

Chapter fourteen

I walk into the house after a tiring day of work, wanting to collapse on the couch and go back to sleep as I was in the lounge a little earlier. Not that I minded being woken up by Abby, if I've got to be awake for anything right now, I would want it to be to spend time with her. I walk up the stairs to Lexi's room to pack some clothing for her trip to Ali's this weekend. I've got to get it done before she comes home and wants to pick every outfit out for herself. If she picked all the clothing herself, all she would want to take is her pink ballerina shirt and tutu. I start to take her outfits out one at a time and my mind wanders to Abby holding Sophie on the couch today. I loved cuddling with her and the baby and I could tell that she was enjoying herself just as much as I was. I wonder if she would want to try having another baby at some point. I'm sure she was pretty damaged by her miscarriage, but I can see it in the way that she looks at Sophie that she longs for another chance. I wonder if that chance someday could be with me. I smile at the image in my head of our perfect little family. The two of us cuddled on the couch, holding our little baby between us, Lexi and Jake on both sides of us.

I walk down the stairs, suddenly feeling the urge to talk to her, to hear her voice. I pick up the phone to call the hospital, a smile forming on my lips.

"ER"

"Hey Jerry, its Carter, is Dr. Lockhart around?" I try to sound professional, like I'm calling to discuss a patient.

"Yea, hold on"

I wait a couple minutes for Jerry to find Abby, I've never called her at work before, this is new, and although it doesn't mean all that much, it just seems like a very "cupple-ish" thing to do. I smile at the thought of Abby being my girlfriend, I feel like a sixth grader. We haven't even discussed a relationship yet and already I've got us married with a new baby.

"Dr. Lockhart" She picks up winded, the thought of her running to the phone because she knew it was me runs through my head as I smile at her voice.

"Hey" I sound pathetically cheery.

"Hey what's up?" Yes! She's cheery also!!

"I just wanted to hear your voice. I was missing you for a moment"

"Only for a moment?" She's playing with me and what I really want to tell her is that I miss her every second that I'm not with her, but I'll down play it a bit.

"Okay, for a little longer than a moment. What are you doing tonight?"

"Diner with the kid"

"You want to dine together with the kids?"

"Yea, I do" She's in a playful mood, which makes me so excited to spend the evening with her. Not that I don't love our kids, but I wish they had other plans this evening.

"Why don't you grab Jake and come over when your shifts over, I'll order in?"

"Kay, we'll see you soon"

I smile as I hang up the phone, thinking about how hard it is going to be to spend the evening with Abby without being able to touch her and kiss her. But the kids will be gone this weekend, so I guess I can wait till then.

A couple hours later, Abby and I are alone at the kitchen table, the children off playing video games after eating their diner in a hurry. We get up to start cleaning the kitchen up a bit, Abby immediately taking on the mommy role of doing the dishes. I walk up behind her and take the dish out of her hands, placing it back into the sink. I kiss the back of her neck and hold her waist against me.

"Leave it, the maid will do the dishes tomorrow" She turns around and smiles at me.

"John, don't worry about it"

"Come on" I whisper in her ear and pull her hand away and lead her out of the kitchen across the house, letting her hand go for the second that we pass the living room where the kids are. After passing them, I pick up her hand again, leading her to my bedroom, to get some alone time with her. I shut the door behind us and walk into the bedroom, turning her around so I can kiss her finally. The kiss is innocent at first but I deepen it, having zero willpower to stop. It doesn't seem like she wants to stop either as she opens her lips for me, welcoming my tongue into her mouth. I raise my hands to cup her face as I pull away for a second.

"I've been wanting to do this all day"

"Really" I kiss down her neck, pulling her closer to me.

"Umm hmm" I continue to kiss her, not being able to pull my lips away to speak.

"But you know we have to stop this right now" She speaks in a whisper as she tilts her neck to give me better access to her, what a hypocrite.

"Just a couple more minutes" I walk her away from the door, hoping that she'll forget that the kids are on the other side of it.

"John"

"Shhh" I finger her throat, turning her head away from the door to focus her attention on me. I just can't help myself. She finally gives in and kisses me, my hands tracing over her body, her hands in my hair. I am lost in her; we are lost in each other, until the door creaks open all too quickly.

"Mommy?", "Dad?" They shout it simultaneously, Abby and I frozen in each others arms. This is the worst thing that could have happened right now. She turns her head away from the kids. I'm not sure, but it appears to me that she thinks if she looks in the other direction, the kids won't notice her in my arms. I mumble a "sorry" and tap her back lightly, bringing her out of her denial that the children did in fact see us kissing when they walked in the door. She turns her body to the kids, both of us not knowing what to say as they stand there starring with their mouths open.

"What were you doing?" Jake questions innocently, but I know he saw.

"They were kissing Jake, what does it look like"

Abby and I both open our mouths to speak, but nothing comes out of either of them, we still don't know what to say. A couple of seconds pass and when we are all still standing in the same position, Abby finally breaks the silence.

"Hey guys, lets go eat dessert." She walks away from me towards the children. Scooting them out of the bedroom, she glances back at me with a worried look on her face. I hope I didn't just mess everything up.

A couple minutes later the children are sitting at the kitchen table eating ice cream, their eyes darting from me to Abby and then back down to their dessert. I glance at Abby who has hoisted herself onto the kitchen counter, as far away from me as possible. Just when I think that we are in the clear, that all we are going to get is weird looks, the questions start to pour out.

"Are you guys boyfriend and girlfriend?" Lexi asks, sounding almost mature.

"No" Abby answers as quick as possible and I hate to sound like a pansy, but I feel like my heart was just ripped out of my chest.

"Well, are you thinking about it?" Jake sounds a bit more innocent, like he heard those words before and is repeating them.

"Maybe, Jake" Abby answers harshly, wanting to drop the subject but Jake isn't letting up yet.

"See, Lexi, I told you if they get married, we can live together in the same house and play all the time" Jake seems very proud of his bright idea, Abby doesn't seem too thrilled with this topic though, she actually is quite uncomfortable. Lexi looks at Jake and nods her head at him, like they are communicating in some kind of kid secret code.

"Jakey, finish your ice cream, we have to get you home and into bed." I watch Abby jump off the counter, a determined look on her face to get out of here quickly. She scurries about the kitchen, cleaning dishes that she knows will be cleaned tomorrow. She's avoiding eye contact with me and I'm trying everything I can to get her to look my way. I start to freak out inside my head, trying to hide it from the outside because I don't want to look pathetic. Although I can tell that the children haven't been negatively affected by catching us, I can see that Abby is pretty upset about the situation. She walks into the living room to grab her purse; my brain is searching for answers quickly. What can I say right now to make this situation easier for her? What does she need me to do to even get her to look at me?

"Come on baby" She grabs Jakes hand and walks to the front door, abruptly, leaving Lexi and I in the kitchen. I get up and walk out to the entry way, leaning against the doorway watching her fasten Jake into the back seat.

"I'll see you tomorrow" She shouts as she gets into the car and all I can do is nod my head. I can't believe how fast she just got out of here.

I walk back into the house with my head hung low, I am such a coward. I put the ice cream back into the freezer and take a seat at the kitchen table. Resting my head in my hands, I can't help but think that I have just driven away the woman that I want closest to me. I am falling in love with her and she is running out of my house as fast as she can the minute someone finds out about it. There is definitely something wrong here.

"Dad"

I am so deep in thought that I don't even notice that my own daughter is sitting next to me at the table where I just left her. I look up at her and she smiles a bit, embarrassed about something. She takes a bite of her ice cream and looks at me again, picking me apart with her eyes.

"You like her?"

"Yea" I answer honestly, why not. Why hide this from my daughter. I know that she is too young to consult on my love life, but I actually want to know what she thinks of me dating Abby. If she is going to be a big part of my life, I want Lexi to be comfortable with that.

"Do you?" I ask her gently, my head caulked to the side. Lexi Shakes her head yes as she takes another bite of dessert.

"She has really good popsicles at her house and she always hugs me and lets me cuddle with her when we watch movies on her couch . . . My mom doesn't cuddle with me like Abby." I stare at Lexi for a minute, my heart breaking for her. She deserves so much more than what her mom has offered. I look down at the floor for a minute, not wanting Lexi to see that her declaration about her mom has made me hurt for her. I envision Abby holding Lexi to her on her couch; I wish that Lexi could have Abby in her life. I wish that Abby could be a mother to my little girl. I lift my head back up again looking at Lexi who is watching me intently.

"Are you excited to go to Denver tomorrow?"

"Yea, I'll get to see Rachel right?"

"Yes, sweetie, but you're supposed to be spending time with your mom, not your old baby sitter."

"Well I'm pretty sure mom is going to have Rachel watch me anyway while she's busy" I look up, almost surprised, but then I remember what a selfish woman my ex-wife really is. It is so like her to stick our daughter with a baby sitter for the 48 hours that she will be allowed to spend time with her. I bet Ali will only really spend about two hours with her daughter the whole weekend.

I up from the table suddenly filled with anger and regret. I hurt for my daughter and I don't know what to do about it. I can't believe that the only reason she wants t go to Denver is to see her baby sitter. But I know how Ali is. She is probably too busy spending her huge alimony checks at the mall to hang out with her daughter. I walk up the stairs and glance into Lexis bedroom as I pass it, her packed suitcase resting against the door. I look down at it briefly, wanting to through it open and unpack her things. What's the point of sending my seven year old daughter on a plane all by herself to spend time with someone that she doesn't even really want to spend time with? It is completely not worth it for either one of them. Why must I put us all through this?

I walk into my bedroom and sit on my bed, my thoughts turning to the dissipated excitement of the children being gone for the weekend. I don't know what's going on with Abby right now, I don't know the consequences yet of the children catching us. Although it didn't seem like a big issue to the kids, she surely showed me that to her it was a big problem. I wonder where we are going to go from here. I wonder if I will spend any time with her at all this weekend. I'll probably spend it alone, feeling bad for myself and for my daughter that is going to play board games with a sitter while her mom runs her busy social life.

I walk into the lounge after seeing Lexi's plane off early this morning. I didn't think that letting her go would be such a big deal, but as I watched the stewardess walk her onto the plane, I couldn't help but feel a pang in my stomach. I hope I did the right thing by having her go. I sit down on the couch with my head in my hands and exhale a long breath. I won't feel right until I get the phone call that my daughter is back on the ground safe and sound. I hear the door creak open and I don't lift my head to see who it is. I don't even care at this point. I hear a locker door open and then shut again and then footsteps heading toward the coffee maker. I hear hot coffee hit the bottom of two mugs and then the clunk of one of them being placed on the coffee table in front of me. I look up, my eyes peeking out from behind my hands. It's Abby, standing in front of me, looking down at me with a questioning expression. My eyes meet hers quickly and then dart over to the cup of coffee. Picking it up and bringing it to my lips I look at her as I take a sip.

"Thanks" I state it simply placing the mug back down.

"I'm sorry about last night" She says it quickly and I can tell that her guard is up.

"Me too" I say it a little condescendingly. I wasn't really apologizing for the fact that I instigated the make out session in which we were caught in. I was more so apologizing about the way that she chose to handle the situation. I know that she doesn't really deserve this right now, but I'm frustrated and the fact that I'm upset about Lexi spending the weekend with a baby sitter isn't helping much. I wish that I could lean on Abby right now. I wish that I could talk to her about how upset I am about Lexi going to Denver this weekend, but instead I have to deal with the awkward situation that we got ourselves into last night. I just want to hug her and for once, I want to be comforted and assured and held by her. I need that from her right now. I look up at Abby, silently communicating my regret for being crass. I start to speak and the words come out of my mouth before I can go over them in my own head first.

"You freaked out" I say it matter-of-factly, there is no denying what happened.

"I know" She shakes her head, folding her arms across her chest.

"Why?"

"You knew that I didn't want the kids to know yet John" I can tell that she's frustrated too. This is a big deal to her and I don't understand why it should be if it isn't a big deal to her son.

"Why Abby, you already told Jake that your getting divorced, and he saw us last night and he didn't even care"

"I know he didn't care John, that's the problem. He doesn't understand. He wants me to be with you so he could play with Lexi." She raises her voice at me in frustration. I've never seen her get mad before but I guess there's a first time for everything.

"So what!" I shake my head, not getting why that's such a bad thing.

"This is going to hurt him one day! Maybe not today or tomorrow, but one day, when Lexi isn't around for him to play with, he's going to look around and be sad that I'm not with his daddy anymore. . . And what's going to happen if we don't end up together. He won't have Lexi anymore and not only is he going to mourn the loss of you and her, but he's also going to have to mourn the loss of his parents' marriage. He needs to mourn that first. He needs to understand that his father and I are over and that his family is never going to be the same before thinking about being a part of a new one." She starts to walk toward her locker, needing space to blow off some angry steam.

"Maybe you're talking about yourself here Abby" I say it under my breath, but I really think that's the case and I know she heard me.

"What?" She turns back to me, surprised at my accusation but I then see a small hint of understanding in her expression. I don't really want to say what I am about to say, but I know that I have to. Maybe if she takes my suggestion, we could start this relationship on a healthier level when the time is right.

"Maybe you need to mourn the loss of your family before you start this relationship with me and mine." She walks back over to me, taking a seat on the other end of the couch, not wanting to get too close. That breaks my heart a little. This is the first time that I have ever been able to tell that she has been damaged.

"Maybe I do" She closes her eyes tightly, letting a small tear escape her right eye. I move a little closer to her, lifting my hand to wipe it away. I lift her head to make her look at me, I need her to really understand why I am going to say what I am about to say.

"Abby, I want to be with you more than anything right now, but I don't want you to be with me because it makes it easier for you to leave your husband. I want you to be with me because you feel the same way about me as I do about you."

"I do" She whispers it into the air as I cup her jaw in my hand. She closes her eyes and bites her bottom lip, another tear escaping down her cheek. I can tell that she is torn. I pull her face to me and gently kiss her lips, assuring her that I understand her tough position. She reciprocates the kiss, reaching her arms to mine holding me in front of her. She pulls away from me and I look at her closely, already longing to feel her again. I look back up at her, wishing that there was a way to make this easier.

"I'm going to wait for you" I whisper to her, wanting to tell her how I really feel about her. I would wait for her forever if I had to.

"You don't have to" She feels guilty and I can tell, I know that she doesn't want me to be miserable.

"No" I shake my head at her, "I want to" I sweep her bangs off of her forehead and pull her close to me, kissing her temple. I get up from the couch and walk towards the door, pausing to look back at Abby who has gotten up and moved to her locker. She leans against the opening of the locker, her back to me, and I know that she doesn't know that I am watching. She runs her fingers through her hair and takes a deep breath as I stand there unable to take my eyes off of her. I move up to her and slip my arm around her waist from the back. Her body jumps a little bit and then settles into my chest when she realizes that it's me. I kiss the top of her head from above her, her head falling back onto my shoulder. Kissing her cheek one last time, I let her go and walk away.

AN: Okay, so I was getting kind of bored of writing everything so "hunky dory" and you probably got bored of reading that. So I decided to add some angst to the mix. It will stay Carby, I promise, but without adding some issues, there is just no story; so thanks for continuing to read. Let me know what you think.


	15. weekend off

AN: I'm sorry it's been so long since I updated last. For the first time I am experiencing a little bit of writers block and its making me sad because I really love this story and want to continue it. This chapter was a little bit rushed because I didn't want to go too long without an update. I promise the next one will be better and juicier.

Chapter Fifteen

I walk through the service porch and into the darkness of my big lonely house. Feeling around for the light on the wall, I flick it on, illuminating a clean and sterile living room. I move over to the couch and sit on the arm of it, exhaling a deep breath that I didn't realize I had been holding. Looking around the room, I stay in one position for what feels like forever. I don't know what to do with myself. I was so excited about spending the weekend with John and now not only am I not spending the weekend with John, I'm not spending the weekend with anybody. Jake is with Trent and I am alone in which feels like the first time in a long time. I guess I am supposed to be feeling this though. I need to go through this in order to move on.

Minutes pass and I realize that I am still sitting on the edge of the couch. Looking down I move my body over so I am lying on my stomach, spread out on the sofa. I worked over twelve hours today; I think I deserve a nap. I sigh before lowering my head to the pillow, I'm pathetic; it's my first Friday night off in weeks and I am taking a nap alone on my couch. I finally allow myself to settle down when the phone rings loudly in my ear.

"Hello"

"Hi, what are you doing?" I pull the phone away from my ear, surprised at the height of Susan's cheery voice.

"I was just about to take a nap" I sound the opposite of her.

"Its Friday night Abby"

"I know, I'm pathetic"

"No, I'm pathetic, and I need to get away. Chuck said he'll stay home with Sophie tonight to give me a little break. You want to get a cup of coffee somewhere?"

Well, it's Friday night and I was about to go to sleep, I need to do this, I need to get out.

"Yea"

An hour later I am seated on a quiet outdoor patio across from Susan slowly nursing a double shot latte. It feels good to be here with her, just the two of us, like it used to be, before chuck and the baby and my messy divorce. I miss Susan and right now, it seems like I just need some female bonding. She's looking at me, waiting for me to talk and I know that she wants the dirt on me and John.

"So you know you've got a lot to spill right now"

I shake my head at her, of course, this is her entertainment. I smile a bit, thinking about being in his arms a couple nights ago lying in my bed.

"Abby, you guys haven't . . . ya know" She pushes her fist into the air and I laugh at her.

"Done it? . . . Uh . . . yea" I say it slightly embarrassed with a little bit of guilt in my voice, for being almost easy. We both laugh as I blush and smile like a fool.

"That good, ha?"

"That's why you're my best friend Suz, you can tell just by looking at me."

"So why aren't you with him tonight? Aren't the kids with both your ex's?"

"We decided that we need to hold off on the relationship for a little while"

"Did something happen?"

I take a deep breath before going into the abbreviated version of the events that lead up to our current situation.

"The children caught us kissing and I freaked out . . .and then he freaked out because I freaked out and then we argued about it . . . and then we decided that I needed some time to get over my last relationship before starting a new one . . . so now the kids have gone off for their weekends with their other parents and were both alone this weekend instead of spending the time with each other." I say it matter-of-factly, with a hint of bitterness, not because I'm mad about the situation, but because I miss him. It's only been hours but knowing that we won't be spending time together for a while is making me almost wish that I hadn't agreed to this time apart.

"You know that's probably the right thing to do. Besides, how are you going to have a relationship with him and not tell your kids about it?"

"I know. . . I guess we just have to wait till the smoke clears a little bit. I don't think I can be with him until I'm ready to tell Jake about it anyway, it's just too hard otherwise"

"Are you guys going to date other people in the mean time?"

"I don't think so, he said that he wanted to wait for me" I smile as I hear myself say it. I don't know what I would do if he was dating other people while I was getting my shit together.

"He really likes you Abby" Susan turns serious on me as she leans into the table on her hands.

"He told you that?"

"Oh, come on . . . Of course he did . . .He's crazy about you"

"Ha," I exhale a breath. "You lie"

"Why would I lie about that?"

I think about what she said, a smile creeping onto my face. He's crazy about me! I lean into her also, like I am about to reveal a huge secret.

"I really like him too Suz"

I walk back into the house after talking and catching up with Susan for over two hours. It felt so good for one night to hang out without our other obligations on our minds. I look around my bedroom as I start to undress out of my clothing, although I am alone, it feels less lonely now, probably because I'm in a better mood. I don't have to think about this separation from John as being such a bad thing. Although it's going to be hard not to be close with him for a while, I'll still see him at work and be able to talk to him. Maybe after being without each other, when we finally can be together it will be ten times better than before; no hang ups, no regrets. Hey, and what's wrong with a little harmless flirting in the mean time?

I get into my bed and fluff up the pillow; I stretch my body out under the sheets, feeling the comfort engulf me. I need to relax a little, unwind and distress. I am making a conscious effort to be positive and pleasant as I go through a time that naturally wouldn't feel that way at all. I look up at the ceiling, my eyes starting to close, and I can't help but wonder what John Carter is doing on this Friday night.

I step out of my car almost excited to rejoin the human race and be back at work after a long weekend by myself. I did everything I could to keep busy while Jake was away and in result of that, I will be going home to a spotless house this evening. I walk through the hospital quickly heading toward the lounge, secretly hoping that John is going to be there. Pushing through the swinging door, I look around disappointed but chide myself for being masochistic. Even if he was here, I couldn't interact with him the way that I really want to. I move over to my locker shedding my jean jacket and grabbing my lab coat and stethoscope before walking out into the ER to start my shift.

Hours later I haven't seen John yet; I hope he isn't completely avoiding me. I know that he was serious about my taking time from him, but that doesn't mean that we can't share friendly words with each other at work. I step into the lounge to grab a quick cup of coffee but am interrupted by Jerry peaking his head in the door right before I reach the machine.

"Lockhart, incoming stabbing victim"

I turn around quickly, and run out the double doors into the ambulance bay. I guide the gurney out of the rig and down to trauma two, the patient covered by so much blood that I can hardly see his figure. I look around the hospital for another doc to assist me, but I see no one and this one is definitely going to be a handful.

"Jerry, call another doc into trauma two please" I yell at him over my shoulder as I enter the room.

"Hang a couple units of o-neg and prep the chest for a central line" I bark out to Chuny as the double doors open, Carter walking through them swiftly as I turn my head and watch him move into the room like a slow motion picture.

"What do we got?" He speaks fast and professionally shaking me out of my reverie. I shake my head out and answer, trying to sound professional as well.

"Stabbing victim, looks like to the right chest and belly. There's more blood coming from underneath him" I lift my gloved hand and show him that it's pure red with a questioning look on my face.

"Okay, let's turn him over" I turn the patient so he could get a view of his back, looking up at me and into my eyes for a second he lets me in on his findings. "Another stab wound to the lower back, he's gushing everywhere."

A while later the patient is stabilized as I guide the gurney out of the trauma room and let the surgical nurses take him from here. Walking back into the room to finish my chart I notice that mostly everyone has scattered about, moving on to other patients in need. But of course I am left alone with the one person that I shouldn't be alone with right now, I just don't trust myself. I move over to the sink where John is standing almost blocking it. He's focusing on recording the measurements of the drugs we pushed and returning the unused portions to the right bottles. I'm not even sure that he notices me in the room with him. I look up at his back and think for a second that my vow to stay positive might suddenly get thrown right out the window the minute I experience the longing to be close to him. Five, four, three, two, one, here it is, the negative, the yearning. Of course I follow my heart instead of my head and move closer.

I lean over and caulk my head at him, looking up into his face and catching his attention. He looks down at me as I smile shyly at him, the corners of his mouth turning up into a small smile.

"Hi" I offer it gently, trying to predict if our exchange will be friendly or bitter.

"Hi" Friendly, definitely friendly. I take a deep breath, relieved that he isn't upset with me.

"How was your weekend?" I don't know why, but I'm being shy, like we are meeting again for the first time.

"Um, boring. Yours?"

"Dido" I look up at him, expecting maybe that he will say something else, but I guess there is nothing more to say or share with each other right now. My eyes return back to the towels that I'm throwing into the sink, trying to focus on something, but I really have nothing to do here anymore. I look up at him and then down at my feet, signaling them to move away and then my legs are moving, carrying me towards the door. I stop at the threshold for a second; it is taking so much restraint not to walk back to him and into his arms.

"I missed you" I hear it from across the room, three little words spoken almost under his breath. I turn around slowly and stand at the door, looking back at him.

"I don't know. . . it was the first time I didn't see you for a couple days since I met you. It felt kind of weird . . . even not having you around just as my friend"

I'm taken aback by his words. I don't know why it surprises me, he's so wonderful, the things he says should be written down, sealed into a precious chest of treasures. How am I going to stay away from him now, I am breaking down already and it's only been a few days. I take a step back into the trauma room, our eyes meeting, holding each others gaze as I walk closer to him. I step in front of him and look down at my feet, not wanting to create a moment of too much intensity. I look back up quickly and state it simply, "I missed you too" It comes out in a whisper and suddenly I feel naked, my emotions on the table, a yearning feeling seeping out from all over my body. I stand underneath him, looking up, feeling the heat coming off from his towering frame. He reaches out a hand to my face and I let him touch me, fingering the soft skin at the side of my jaw. I allow myself to lean into his touch, something that I'll kick myself for later. He steps towards me, closing the distance between us, kissing the top of my head lightly. I look up at him and pull away slowly, with a playful smirk on my face.

"This is exactly what we're not supposed to be doing" We both smile at each other, making fun of ourselves for not being able to stick to our own limitations.

"Unless you've done a whole lot of mourning this weekend" He says it in a facetious tone, and I suddenly feel comfortable again.

"Well, I did actually. God knows I had nothing better to do" He laughs a little and smiles down at me, the beating of my heart settling back into a normal rhythm as this conversations proves to be one that is light hearted instead of heavy. Glad that the ice has been broken, I let myself smile flirtatiously at him. Okay, maybe we can do the "friends" thing for a little while, or better yet, the "friends that flirt" thing.


	16. coffee?

WOW! I can't tell you how awesome it is to be feeling down about your fic and then to log on to so many great reviews! You all make me want to keep writting. Thank you so much, you are my inspiration! I didn't have time to respond to reviews this time so I will next chapter. Also, please excuse any errors, my spell and grammar check is broken for now.

Chapter sixteen

I look up through the moon roof into the dark night sky, the moon shining down over the lake as I drive in silence toward the airport to pick up Lexi. Glancing down at the glowing car clock, I check the time every minute to make sure that I get to the gate on time to greet her as she walks off the plane. Stepping out of the car, I shove my hands in my pockets as I make my way through the crowded airport, passing through terminals watching people reunite in pure joy. I stare for a while at young couple making out, they must have gone ages without seeing each other. Looking over at them from a distance, I wonder how long it must have been, a year, a month, only a couple of days? I turn around suddenly jealous, remembering my quick, but meaningful encounter with Abby today. I would have kissed her like that if I could have, and someone watching from far off could have wondered how long we went without seeing each other. They would have never known that it was only two and a half days.

She was so sweet to me today, smiling flirtatiously, I could almost tell that she missed me too. I can't believe how much I missed her. I knew last week that I liked her, I even knew that I was falling in love, but I didn't realize just how serious this love could be until I saw her earlier today from across the hospital. She was working up a patient, a little boy that looked to be about Jakes age. I watched her from all the way on the other side of the ER, behind the front counter with my chin resting on the palm of my hand. I watched her smile at the little boy and I found myself smiling at her, into the air really, looking like a fool. She was so beautiful, her long hair falling in her eyes; she never wears her hair down at work.

Continuing to walk down the long hallway, I glance back at the couple and wonder how much longer I am going to be single and alone.

"Daddy! Dad!" I look around, hearing the familiar voice of my little angel, my eyes coming to settle on her at the gate in front of me.

"Lexi, hey princess" I run to her and engulf her in a huge hug almost cutting off her circulation. "Did you have fun with your mom?"

"Aha,"

"That's it, just aha?"

"Yea, it was okay. But I can't wait to hang out with Jake. Can he and Abby come over tomorrow?"

"Um, maybe Jake can, but probably not Abby" She looks up at me surprised and then disappointed, I didn't really realize how attached to Abby Lexi was.

"Dad, did you mess it up?" Now it's my turn to be surprised, I never thought that my little girl would question my love life.

"No, but I think that me and Abby aren't going to see each other for a little while" She stops where she is as I keep walking, noticing a second later that she is no longer following me. I walk back to her and kneel down in front of her. It looks like she is about to cry.

"How long is a while? . . . Cuz I thought that maybe she was gonna be my new mom"

"Oh, sweetie. Do you think that you need a new mommy, because you already have a mom?"

"Yea, my mom left me with the baby sitter all weekend, she didn't even want to be with me" I look at my daughter, my heart breaking as tears start running down her face as we stand here in the middle of the terminal.

"I'm sorry Lex" I grab her into a big hug but she pulls away in frustration and starts to yell. Here is the first tantrum since we have moved away, but this one I can't blame her for.

"I want Abby to be my mom. She always plays with Jake and tucks him into bed at night and gives him butterfly kisses with her eye lashes. And she smells good too, like vanilla and peaches, not like my mom that smells like someone poured a whole bottle of perfume on her. And daddy, when I play at her house she always tells me how much she likes me; she says that she always wanted a little girl, a princess like me." She goes on and on, without a breath, trying to prove her argument, she's hysterical. Little does she know, I want it as much as she does. She quiets down and takes a deep breath, hiccupping while she tries to control her sobbing. I kneel down to her and she leaps into my arms, hugging me tightly, letting me comfort her. I move my lips to her ear and whisper the only thing I know is true.

"I love you" I don't want to tell her that I'm trying to work out the relationship with Abby, I don't want to get her hopes up in case it doesn't happen.

A little while later I lift Lexi's sleeping body from the backseat of the car, her arms wrapped tightly around my neck as I walk her up the stairs. Laying her down, I sit on the edge of her bed and watch her for a moment. I'm so glad she's home, I don't know what I would do without her, and by the looks of it, she doesn't know what she would do without me. We are team, an incomplete one, but a team none the less. I know now what she needs though. She needs a mother, or at least a strong female figure in her life. She needs to grow up with a woman around. I look at her and think about what she will become in the years ahead. I worry sometimes that I will raise a little girl version of myself, a tom boy that is athletic and agile, a little girl that plays sports and hangs out mostly with the boys. Although there is nothing officially wrong with that, I know that she wouldn't naturally be that way if she had a lady to look up to. She likes being a girl, she used to think she was a little princess, but everyday she is without a mother, I see it slipping away. I want her to be beautiful, successful, happy.

I get up and walk out of the room, feeling guilty that my little girl is essentially motherless. I don't really know what I can do about that, I'm torn, but there just isn't an easy option here. I can't just find a woman and marry her and expect her to adopt my child. Life doesn't really work that way, maybe in my dreams, but not in reality.

I turn the corner into my room and notice a baseball cap on the corner of my bed. Picking it up I finger the bill, it's way to small to be mine. Looking around the room, I remember that it's Jakes, he must have left it here when he was over last. I move jakes hat onto my dresser as I turn my bed down, my thoughts immediately turning to his mother. There isn't really much more to contemplate, I just see her face in my mind. It's beautiful and happy. I can smell her also; her scent must still be on my clothing from our encounter earlier in the trauma room. I don't know if it's strong or if it's just me, I can remember every detail about her. The way she moves her hair out of her face, the way she bites her lip when she's anxious, the way she looks up at me when she is unsure about something.

I lower myself to the bed and turn the television on. Flicking through the channels fast, I can't help but stop on the adult entertainment station. I am a man after all, a man that doesn't get laid on a regular basis. Of course a vision of Abby pops into my head once again, a soft shadow of light dancing across her bare back in the bed that we shared last week, her beautiful breasts pressed against my chest as I move inside of her. I can't help but think of her as I touch myself lightly. Before her, I hadn't been with a woman since Ali.

I pleasure myself pretty quickly, feeling a little bitter because it just doesn't even come close in comparison to being with Abby. Relaxing against the pillow, I turn the television off and throw the remote to the edge of the bed. Turning on to my side, I wonder as I fall asleep, will I ever get to make love to her again?

It's six o'clock at night as I walk into the hospital for what is my first night shift of the month. I walk over to the board to see if I can catch a glimpse of who I will be working with, of course looking for a particular doctors name. I see it, on the top of the transparent plexi glass and a smile creeps its self on to my face. I look around the ER to see if I can catch a glimpse of her, a possible smile from her to start my evening in the right direction. She isn't anywhere that I can see though. I walk over to pick up my first chart, a migrain in exam two, meat and potatoes.

I move to enter the room and see someone standing at the patient next to mine, a docor that I have not met before. I look into the room from the door way, squinting my eyes, trying to look at her closer; she reminds me of someone, my ex-wife. She's got blond hair a little bit shorter than shoulder length, blue eyes and dimples. I am taken a back by the similarity, my brow furrowing into a confused expression. I watch for a little longer, untill she turns around and catches me staring at her.

"Dr. Carter, right?"

"Uh, yea" I smile and try to shake off the odd look on my face.

"Tara Danridge, Psychology. I've heard a lot about you."

"Good things, I hope" I move to shake her hand with a friendly smile on my face. This encounter is so wierd though, she really looks just like Ali, except she seems a little bit more pleasant. I look away for a second and then back at her, catching her looking up and down my body, sizing me up for a minute. She smiles again, a little flirty, not at all embarassed that I just caught her checking me out. She brings her pen to her mouth and chews on the edge of it then leans against the gurney, exposing a little skin on her thigh. I think she's trying to spark my interest in her. I look around the room, feeling awkward, trying to see if there is any excuse I can use to leave this exam room. I need someone to come rescure me right now.

"Uh . . . I better get to my patient" I walk backward, trying to escape with out offending her.

"Well, maybe we can have coffee later or something" She steps closer to me as I step back, and I am almost against the wall.

"Oooh-kay" I stumble a little bit on the single word, I'm just trying to get her to leave me alone. I really don't have much interest in having a cup of coffee with this woman. She's kind of irking me with her overt sexual energy that she's exuding all over the place. I wonder if I would feel different if she didn't look like Ali, although I really can't imagine being interested in anyone other than Abby right now. I steal a look down the hall and in the distance I see her sweeping her bangs out of her eyes; a thought pops into my mind. I don't know if I will ever want anyone but her ever again.

I smile fakely as Dr. Danridge leaves the room, of course not with out sweeping her hand over my bicep as she walks past me in the doorway. I look over at my patient for the first time, embarrassed that the young man just witnessed that whole odd encounter.

"Sorry about that" I roll my eyes and jesture my hand toward the door, refering to the nympho doc that just left the room.

"She did'nt get the hint, did she"

"I dont think so"

A few hours later I walk over to the admitt desk to pick up yet another patient; I'm jamming tonight, probably because I am trying to keep myself from socializing with Abby. If I can't be close to her, I don't want to tease myself. What's the point in being masochistic? I flip through the charts to try to find something interesting, my eyes focused downward as I see a pair of womans shoes step into my vision on the floor. I look up slowly and come face to face with none else but the young doctor that seems to be my new stalker. She is standing nearly on top of me, her cleavage falling out of her lab coat almost onto the counter in front of us. She flips her hair as I feel someone walk up behind me and sweep past me. Looking over her shoulder, I notice that it's Abby. I look at the back of her longingly for a second, Dr. Danridge trying to get my attention mentioning something about coffee; I am really not hearing her though, my mind is focussing on somebody else. I turn my attention back to the doctor in front of me in an attempt not to be completely rude. She looks at me and smiles wide, her eyes batting as she leans against the counter.

"Coffee, Dr. Carter?"

"Uhh . . ." I look around the room to try to find an excuse again, but there isn't one. Still looking, I see Abby turn her head towards me after hearing my name. She glances quickly at me and then at the woman in front of me, and then back at me with a shy smile, but turns away quickly. I know she heard Dr. Danridges request and I think she is sticking around to see if I comply. I look back down at my chart and then up at her.

"Raincheck?" I hold the chart up in the air, motioning at it. "This guy seems like he's in a lot of pain"

"Okay, but I _will_ come find you in a couple hours" She sweeps past me with a wink of her eye, her hip grazing mine but I am unfazed. I turn around to watch her walk away but my eye catches something else, a swinging blond ponytail entering the lounge. The only thing I can think of right now is that I hope Abby heard me turn her down before she walked away.

I move from my position quickly, I have to make sure that she isn't upset. She was very casual about hearing my interaction with Dr. Danridge; I honestly don't know if she has any feelings about it. I'm not really sure yet if she is the jealous type, but I do know for sure that she has nothing to be jealous of. I know that I shouldn't follow her into the lounge right now, but I have to, my legs aren't giving me a choice.

I enter the room and find Abby at her locker putting her coat on. I walk past her and knock her playfully with my shoulder, causing her to turn around and give me a lift of her eyebrow. I open my locker, contemplating what I am going to say as she moves over to the door still looking at me. I caulk my head at her silently asking her for a penny for her thoughts.

"It would have been okay with me if you had coffee with her."

"What?" I'm caught off guard for a second, I wasn't expecting her to mention that.

"The hot psych consult" She says it quietly, motioning her head out the door.

"Well, I didn't want to"

"Why not?" She leans against the doorway and asks curiously.

"Because I would rather go get coffee with someone else."

"And who would that be?" She steps away from the door letting it shut and walks back my way.

"This other blond doctor," I reach for her and she grabs my hand, letting me pull her close to me. "brown eyes, about 5'2. Her bangs are always in her eyes, but I think it's sexy" I sweep the hair off her forehead, my other hand bringing her body closer to mine. I'm surprised that she's letting me get this close.

"Whats her name?" She whispers it into the air before I capture her lips with mine in a sweet and soft kiss. Letting her go, I whisper back into her ear.

"Stacy" She laughs a little bit, remembering our encounter last week on the couch a couple feet away from where were standing right now. She is so beautiful when she's happy.

"I like seeing that smile" I tell her as my hand grazes the side of her face, my fingers softly traveling over her lips. I am consciously doing everything I can not to throw her down on the couch and have my way with her. She smiles again, caulking her head to the side and rolling her eyes.

"What do I have to do to see that more often?" I move the hair out of her eyes again, kissing the side of her face near her ear.

"You can kiss me more often" She pulls me closer and everything that I have been trying not to do suddenly means nothing.

"I thought we werent supposed to be doing that for a while" I kiss her more, taking in as much as I can of her before she tells me that I'm right.

"Well, we're not, but I won't tell anyone if you dont" She looks up at me with a mischevious look on her face and I wonder for a second what happened to the unsure and mourning Abby. I push those contemplations out of my mind, I need to enjoy this while it lasts.

"Why don't we get together after our shift and not tell anyone?" I ask her jokingly, testing the water a little.

"How about we settle for a cup of coffee on our break." She gives me one of those milliion dollar smiles and kisses me one more time before walking out the swinging door.

AN: I hope at leaste some of my avid readers understood the "Stacy" joke. If you didn't- there is a part in chapter 13 when Abby calls herself "Stacy", joking with Carter. Check it out, it makes the scene cuter.


	17. jumping in

AN: I wanted to thank everyone for your awesome reviews. They really inspire me to write the best that I can, which according to some reviewers, 'the best I can' kind of sucks. Which leads me to my next note- In this past week I have noticed a lot of bad and hurtful reviews for some stories and I'm not really sure why some people have all of the sudden decided to be mean to one another, but lets just all remember that we are all amateurs and constructive criticism is the nice way to go. Thanks again for reading my fics!

Chapter seventeen

I drive up to my house and take my sunglasses off as I pull my car into the garage. It's sunny and humid out already, a perfect Chicago summer day, but all I could think of is how lucky I am that Jake is at camp so I can sleep all day until he gets home. I walk up the stairs sluggishly; I'm tired lately and a little beaten up. I've been eating healthier but a part of me still feels like the weak and droopy Abby that I was a couple weeks ago. I'm still stressed, although not as much as I was before, but I don't think my body has been recovering as quickly as my mind. I start to strip my clothes off before I even get up the stairs, no time to put anything else on. I run over to the curtains and close them tightly, hissing off the harsh light of day; I get into my bed in only my underwear and am asleep in no time.

Sleep brings me into my dreams and random scenes flicker in and out of my mind. Coffee cups and medical journals, little boys pajamas and tennis shoes that light up on the bottom, a pair of hands on my bare back and a shadow of sunlight cast on a warm smile, a video game running over and over on the television and a brief case resting against the living room couch. Throughout the pictures there is a baby crying in the distant background, a vision then of a glowing cradle and an infant in a pool of rose petals sleeping peacefully.

I wake with a start, thinking that I need to get up and go to the crying baby. I lift my body almost completely out of bed as I look around the room, realizing only then that the crying was in my dream; I have no baby to go to. I glance at the clock on my bedside, suddenly yearning for Jake to get home sooner. I miss him, and even though I am still extremely tired, all I want to do is hug my little boy.

I get out of bed, my thoughts turning to John and our encounter early this morning in the lounge. It just seems that I can't keep myself away from him, like a current that pulls water onto the shores of the beach; there is nothing I can do about it. I must admit there was a small part of me that felt a pang of jealousy when I saw him talking to the beautiful psych consult at the admit desk earlier. One look at her and I cant believe he turned her down, she was flawless and he didn't even give her the time of day. I can't even understand what he would want with me after meeting her. I have baggage, a child, insecurities, things that single men just aren't looking for in a woman.

I let him kiss me this morning. Actually, I think that I am the one that initiated our closeness; I had to give him something to tie him over until I am ready to be with him. I don't want to make him wait forever, I barely want to have him wait at all actually, and I definitely don't want him to start thinking about other woman while he's doing so. It felt amazing to be in John arms again, being there with him was motivation enough to really work through my feelings about my divorce so I could move on and be with him. There is something else I have to do too; I need to discuss it with Jake.

I hear the door slam downstairs and quickly pull on a t-shirt and shorts. Running toward the landing, I look over it to see my little man jogging up the stairs to me. Looking out the window, I see Nikki, his nanny driving away, once she has seen that Jake has made it inside.

"Mommy! Mom!?"

"Hi baby" I am so excited to see him after four days without him. He runs and jumps into my arms, pushing me to the floor as I hug him tightly, kissing him everywhere I can.

"Mom, can Lexi sleep over tonight, she said today at camp that now she's allowed to have sleepovers finally and she wants me to be her first one!"

"I don't know if tonight's the best night sweetie, but I want to talk to you about something right now"

I grab Jake off the floor and throw him onto my bed, crawling on it beside him. I move his hair out oh his face, noting to myself to make an appointment for him to get a hair cut this week.

"I wanted to ask you how you're feeling about your daddy living in that new condo"

"I like it. It has one of those rooms with the wood bench that gets really, really hot inside."

"That's called a sauna" I smile at him watching his hands move about to describe it to me. "But what I meant to ask you was, are you feeling okay with me and your daddy not living together and not sleeping in the same bed or tucking you in at night together?"

"I wish you could both tuck me in together sometimes." He looks off into the distance for a second, but then I can see that a light bulb has gone off in his head. "But if Lexi sleeps over, maybe John can come too and then both of you can tuck us in." I smile at how easily Jake can turn the subject back over to Lexi sleeping over. What a little shit!

"You like John, don't you" I'm fishing for some feelings here, but it's so hard to get them out of a six year old.

"Yea, he's cool. He loves to play video games with me" Jake pulls me close to him bringing his lips to my ear even though nobody else is around, he whispers. "And I think he has a crush on you" I laugh a little bit, he is always able to surprise me and crack me up, even when I am trying to be serious. He pulls away and laughs with me before saying one more thing playfully. "Remember, we saw you kissing?"

I nod my head at him and smile, but then turn a little bit serious.

"How did you feel when you saw that?"

"I was happy because that means that if John is your boyfriend that Lexi and me can play all the time." I can't help but get a little frustrated at this last answer. I steady his shoulders with both my hands, begging him to concentrate on something other than his play dates.

"Jakey, how would you feel if John didn't have a little girl that you could play with? Would you still like him? Would you still want him to be my boyfriend?"

"Would he still play video games with me?"

"I think he would" He bites the inside of his cheek and looks up to the sky, thinking about his answer quickly.

"Yea, I like him."

I turn around to fish my slippers out of my closet, wanting to end the conversation at that. I don't need to actually tell him yet, I just wanted to get a hint of his feelings. But of course this conversation isn't over, it's never that easy.

"Mom, is John your boyfriend?' I turn around and walk toward the bed, pulling Jake into my lap.

"I don't know yet sweetie"

"Is that why he's moping around the house?" I furrow my brow, I have no idea what he's talking about.

"What do you mean baby?"

"Lexi told me today that John is sad and moping around the house" I turn my head so Jake doesn't see the shy smile that has crept onto my face, and I wonder how great the possibility is that John is mopping because he's missing me.

"Well, I'm not sure why that is" I smile at him and ruffle his hair, picking him up off the bed and placing him feet first on the floor.

"Mom, are you gonna get a boyfriend soon, cuz, now that daddy's not here, who's gonna protect us if a burglar comes?" I look at him sympathetically; this is the part of him that is insecure about our separating, the part of him that thinks I need a man around to take care of our family, the part of him that thinks I cant handle things on my own.

"I think we'll be okay sweetie. . . You know those numbers that I punch in when we come home at the front door?"

"Yea"

"That's our alarm system, and nobody can get into our house without knowing the numbers"

"Are you gonna tell John the numbers, so he can protect us if we need him" I roll my eyes at him and avoid an answer, he shouldn't be worried about stuff like that right now.

"Come on kiddo, let's make you some dinner. What do you want to eat?" I grab him off the bed and notice that he's getting heavier by the day; I wont be able to hold him in my arms much longer.

"Umm . . . French fries and pizza"

"I don't think so, you probably had way too much of that at your dads this weekend"

Hours later the house is peacefully quiet after I have tucked Jake into his bed for the evening. I walk into my bedroom totally frustrated because I am still completely awake. That's what I hate about the occasional graveyard shift, it throws your whole system out of whack and it's nearly impossible to get it back on track. I better get it on track soon though, because I have a shift at eight o'clock tomorrow morning. I plop down on my bed in a huff, flicking on the television as the phone rings loudly on my night stand. I look over at it with a questioning gaze. Who could be calling me at ten o'clock at night?

"Hello?"

"Hi"

"Hi, what are you doing?" Hearing his voice brings an immediate giddy smile to my face and I know that he can tell from my tone that I'm happy that he's called.

"I was just thinking about you" His tone is playful and flirtatious so I play along.

"Oh yea, what were you thinking?"

"I was thinking that I was having such a good time kissing you in the lounge this morning that maybe we should do it again some time"

I smile into the phone and respond to him slightly seductively. "Well, I never said that we weren't going to"

"Well that's good"

"Actually, I had a pretty decent conversation with Jake about everything today"

"Really?"

"Yea, I think, um . . . I think he's okay with it. . .He likes you"

"Well, that's good, because I like him too . . .and I like his mom also"

"Oh, you do"

"Just a little" We laugh a little bit together, enjoying each other.

"Jake wants to have a sleepover with Lexi this week, that's all he could talk about tonight"

"How about we take them out on Friday, I don't know, miniature golf or something fun like that, and then you can borrow the little princess for the night"

"Oh, I don't know, I might have a date that night" I dead pan it just to tease him, but the line is quiet for a second.

"Oh, um . . . then some other time" He sounds like the world has just ended and I smile to myself, I guess he really likes me!

"John," I whisper it gently.

"Yea"

"I was kidding" He laughs at himself and I laugh with him easily.

"I'll see you tomorrow"

I walk into the hospital early in the morning, tired, but eager to see John. After my conversation with both him and Jake last night, I have decided that I don't want to wait anymore; there isn't a good enough reason. I am moving on and into this relationship and I can't wait another minute to start it! I walk into the lounge, for some reason expecting John to be in there but he's not. I move over to my locker and throw my stuff inside, grab my lab coat and run out fast.

"Jerry, have you seen Dr. Carter?"

"I think he's in the on call room, its been kind of slow" I start to back away before Jerry even finishes and yell a quick 'thanks' over my shoulder.

I open the door to the dark on call room, a thin line of light shinning over the face of the sleeping figure on the gurney. I pad over to him and sit down on the edge of the bed, smiling a little as I rub my hand down his back. He stirs a bit and turns over on to his side, making room for me to lie down next to him. Scooting over onto the bed, I take the room that he has given me and notice as I look at him closely, that he is still completely asleep. I move my head into the crook of his neck and place light kisses on his shoulder, gently waking him a little bit. He breaths into my hair and brings his hands over my body, gently running his fingers over my butt and up my back. He pulls me closer, as I look up at him, noticing that he still has his eyes closed; he still is half asleep. I adjust my position a little bit and peck him on the lips lightly; again and then again to wake him slowly. He pulls his hands up to my face and then captures my lips with his, this time not letting me pull away, kissing me passionately. If he wasn't awake before, he sure is now. He lets my lips go and pulls me on top of him, hugging my body to his, embracing me wholly.

"Hi" I whisper in to his ear.

"I thought I was dreaming" He kisses the side of my face lightly and sweeps my hair out of my eyes, he loves doing that; he's got a thing for my bangs. "You're really here"

"No, it's Dr. Danridge" I whisper it, imitating a seductive tone that she probably would use. He laughs at my joke and pulls me down to trail kisses over my neck.

"You're daring today" He whispers into my ear as I turn onto my side, resting my cheek in the palm of my hand.

"You know what. . . I don't care anymore"

"You don't?" I shake my head, confirming my answer, kissing him again. He looks at me for a minute and smiles, running his fingers down the side of my face; it looks like were getting into a serious conversation here. "Abby . . . I want to be with you"

I smile at his declaration, but inside there are butterflies swarming my stomach and even though I appear calm and collected from the outside, my heart is pounding a mile a minute. I am deciding that right now I have to go for it; I want it.

"Well, I'm ready"

"You are?"

"Yea"

"Are you sure?"

"Have you talked to Lexi about it? Is she okay with it? Does she like me?"

"You know she does"

"I know but, me as Jakes mom and me as your girlfriend are two entirely different things"

"She likes you; I'm not even going to tell you how much, it'll probably scare you off"

"Why?"

"Nothing"

"Tell me" I squeeze his arm playfully, trying to get it out of him. I don't think much is going to scare me off.

"She wants you to be her new mom" I like that, it's adorable, and what I really would like to say is, "gladly!" but now I'm the one that doesn't want to scare him off; so I just come up with a witty comment to respond with.

"Well, how about we see how things go with the sleepover tomorrow and if it goes well, I'll pick up her bedroom furniture on Saturday" He laughs a little as I get off the bed, noticing that I'm five minutes late to start my shift. I start to walk away from him but he grabs my hand, bringing me back to him, pulling me down to kiss him again.

"I got to work" I protest a little bit, mostly because I know that I will never get out of this room if he continues to kiss me like this.

"Why can't you stay here with me all day?"

"You can't stay here all day either, come on" I extend both my hands to him and he takes them, lazily lifting himself off the bed. We walk out the door, Johns hands placed on my hips guiding me into the hallway. There are doctors and nurses passing by, some looking at us, wondering what we were doing in a dark room alone together. That's fine, I'll let them wonder; sooner or later everyone is going to find out that were together, let the gossip begin!


	18. falling fast

AN: Again, I am so appreciative of all your reviews.  Your latest ones inspired me to get this chapter out quicker, so here you go!  This one has a lot of dialogue, I think that's a good thing?

Chapter Eighteen

I wake to an alarm clock blasting in my ear, knowing that this day is going to be incredibly long.  Pulling myself out of bed, I remember that Abby's off today, so I won't get to see her until we get together with the children tonight.  I can't wait until then, to finally be able to be with her outside of work, to get to kiss her and not feel guilty about it.  Well, except for the fact that the kids will be with us, but I don't really think they'll mind, in fact, I think they have been playing 'match-maker' this last week.   I should really talk to Lexi about it first, I'm sure she's going to be thrilled.  I think Abby is exactly what she needs as a role model right now, someone who is independent, smart, confident and feminine.  Wow, that's my girlfriend, all those things, she's amazing! 

I drive up to my house after what was proven to be a long and never ending shift.  Thinking about an evening with Abby and the children is really what kept me going all day long.  I climb the stairs to my bedroom, wanting to take a quick nap before going over to Abby's; I need to regain some of the energy that I exerted today. 

An hour later I am woken up by the door of my bedroom slowly screeching open.

"Daddy?"  I pop up, worried that I have overslept and missed our evening.  Looking at the clock, I realize that I have just enough time to get showered and ready.

"Yea Lex" 

"Can I wear my new skirt tonight?"

"Sure you can"

"You're coming with us all night, right?"

"Yea"  Lexi moves over onto the bed and sits down next to me, a shy little smile playing on her lips.

"Does that mean that you and Abby are boyfriend and girlfriend?"

I look at her and smile a little, slightly embarrassed to answer the question.  "I think so Lex"

She smiles widely, almost trying to conceal her excitement, but she can't.  I can see her happiness clearly, and it thrills me that she loves Abby and Jake.  The four of us would make the cutest family.  She starts to walk out of the bedroom and stops at the door, turning around and quickly blurting out a question that I know she has been waiting a long time to ask.

"Are you guys gonna get married and then is Abby gonna be my new mom?"

I turn around to face her, placing my hands on her shoulders, gently responding.  "Let's just take one step at a time" 

"Are you gonna make me a baby brother or sister?"  She has a giddy smile on her face.

"I don't know"  She gets off the bed moving toward the door, of course turning around to get her last thought in. 

"Well just for the record, I'd prefer a sister, but I'll be happy either way"

"Well, I'll be sure to get right on that"  I joke with her, shooing her out of my room to get ready to go.

I arrive at Abby's house and am greeted by an excited Jake at the door.  He is so adorable, wearing a backwards baseball cap and jean jacket, like a little man.  I think to myself that it must be fun to have a little boy.  I would raise a sports freak, just like me.  I bet my little boy would be agile and fast, smart witted and strong. 

Lexi pushes past me and the children run off into Jakes room to play.  I follow up the stairs, looking for the queen of the house, anticipation shooting through my body.

"Abby"  I yell out to her as I reach the upstairs hallway, not wanting to knock, it seems too formal.

"In here"  I push open her door and there she stands at her closet in a pair of tight fitting jeans and skimpy little camisole, I guess she's not done getting dressed, perfect timing on my part.  Her back is turned to me, her hair cascading down her arms in lose golden waves.  She looks so young and innocent when she wears her hair down.  Abby looks back at me and smiles as she stands in front of the walk in closet, trying to decide on what to wear. 

"Hey"  I say it with a smile, looking her up and down as she peers into the closet.

"Hey yourself"  She extends her arm behind her back, reaching for me.

I oblige and walk up behind her, kissing her cheek and wrapping my arms around the front of her, hugging her small frame to my body.  This is what I waited all day for, and yes, it was totally worth it.  I breathe her in, nuzzling my face into her neck, her hair sweeping across my nose.

"You smell good" 

She turns around, wrapping her arms around my neck, pulling me down to kiss her.  She pulls away for a minute to smile at me, something about her looks so worry free and content right now.  I love this stress free environment, being able to kiss her and not feel that were hiding.  I can't help but hope it lasts forever.  I run my hands up and down her sides smiling down at her, happy to have a few moments alone with her before we spend an evening with the children.

"What?"  She's questioning my gaze, I knew that sooner or later I wouldn't be able to stare at her for too long; she might think something is wrong.

"Nothing, I'm just excited to spend the evening with you"

She smiles again and I just can't resist taking her in my arms and kissing her again, passionately this time, I need to feel her close to me.  I bring one hand up to cup her face, the other snaking around her waist and sliding down her butt.  Okay, right now, I wish we would have had the sitter take the kids golfing so we could be alone.  Just as I'm thinking this I turn my head to the door quickly and then focus my attention back on Abby, and then I take a double take at the door where I see two short little squirts smiling huge watching their parents making out.  I pull away from Abby, motioning to her that we have an audience as she starts to laugh, I think nervously.

"Jake, what did I tell you about knocking first" She is completely serious but I can see an underlying smile on her face, she thinks it's kind of funny.

"The door was open mom, besides we already knew you were gonna kiss again, that's why we left you alone in the first place"

"Oh really"  She smiles and I let out the breath that I was holding, relieved that she isn't mad about the kids seeing us kiss.  Jake leans against the door frame with his arms crossed over his chest, like a little adult.

"Can we go miniature golfing now?" 

"Two minutes Jakey"  The kids walk into the hallway as Abby rolls her eyes at her little smart ass kid and walks over to the closet, slipping on a sheer cotton black top.  She turns around walking towards me, a new easiness in her soft expression.  We walk out into the hallway together where the children are waiting, Abby immediately walking up to Lexi, kneeling down and pulling her into her arms. 

"How was your weekend with your mom, Lex?"

"It was boring.  My dad said that maybe I could skip going next month"

"Well that's good for us, cuz we miss you when you're gone all weekend" 

I watch the two interact, Lexi holding Abby's hand in hers as they walk down the stairs together.  I can tell that she doesn't plan on letting her go any time soon.  It almost scares me how much Lexi likes Abby because I know she'll be crushed if things don't work out between us.  I focus on brushing those doubts aside, not wanting to be worried all evening that I am going to loose this amazing person.  If I thought about that too much, I probably wouldn't even be here, I would be alone and miserable and wishing that I would take a chance. 

Hours later we are at the last hole in the miniature golf park, the children starting to get tired after the second round they have played.  I walk up to the bench where Abby is sitting, waiting for the kids to finishing goofing off.  I sit down next to her and pull her hand into my lap, playing with one of the rings on her fingers.  Looking down at her hands, I notice for the first time that she isn't wearing her wedding ring anymore.  I don't know exactly when she took it off but I remember seeing it on her finger a couple weeks ago.  It was beautiful, and probably a big step for her to remove it.  I pick up her hand a lay a gentle kiss on her knuckles and then let her have it back before the kids run up to us, shoving there clubs and balls onto the bench were sitting on.

"Daddy I have to go to the bathroom"  Lexi holds her hand out for me to take her and I get up, Abby grabbing my arm, pulling herself up instead.

"I'll take you Blondie"  She looks back at me to make sure that I don't mind and I smile down at the two girls, not being able to recall a time when I didn't have to take Lexi into the men's room with me. 

"Me too mommy"  Jake chimes in and I grab his hand, signaling to Abby that I'll take him with me.  We both give each other the same look, a lift of our brows that says, 'look at us, taking care of each others kids!' How cute are we!? 

I walk into the men's room, letting jakes hand go, so we can do our business at side by side urinals.  We walk out of the bathroom and wait for the girls on the bench while playing with the golf balls that we haven't returned yet.

"Did my mom give you the code?"  Jake asks me as I knuckle the golf ball, I don't know what he's talking about at all.

"Excuse me?"

"You know the-

Jake is cut off by the girls walking towards the bench, Abby mumbling a quick 'ready?' 

A half hour later the four of us are on the couch together, the children in their pajamas, watching Shrek for the hundredth time.  The kids move on to the floor and I look over at Abby, pulling her to me, wrapping her in my arms.  She lets her weight fall on to me easily, nestling her head into my neck.  The kids look back at us, interested in our interactions.  They smile and laugh a little; this is probably the first time they have seen their parents being affectionate with someone other than themselves.  I know that Lexi never really saw me kiss Ali; I never had affectionate moments with her, so this is all new to Lexi.  I smile at the kids and kiss the top of Abby's hair, whispering in her ear.

"Look at them together,"  I point at the children huddled under a blanket whispering to each other and laughing; they turn around quickly when they realize that we know they are watching us.

"They're adorable"  She says it in a tired voice, causing me to look at my watch to check how late it is.  Its eleven o'clock and the children are still wide awake, and I am way too comfortable cuddling with Abby, so I decide to stay put for a little while longer. 

An hour later the movie is almost over and I look down at the children, noting that they are sleeping.  I then look down at Abby and see that she's starting to nod off as well.  I move my hand over her body to wake her a little, whispering lightly into the air, "I should get going"

She stirs a little and lifts her head to look up at me.  Our eyes meet as she brings her hands up to my chest into a position to push off of me and get up, but she doesn't.  She stares at me for a second, looking into my eyes, her expression innocent and sultry at the same time.  I move a piece of hair out of her face, my fingers grazing her lips as she leans into my touch.

"Stay"  Her voice is barely audible, but she definitely said it.  We both glance at the kids and then back at each other, trying to determine if it would be entirely inappropriate. 

I rub my hands down her back and then pull her face close to me, kissing the side of her lips and bringing her face to nuzzle with mine.  I don't answer; I think we both know that I'm not going anywhere.  Abby pushes off of me and gets off the couch, walking over to Jake and picking him up lightly.  He starts to mumble something as I stand behind her watching the two of them.

"Mommy, can you put me in my Spongebob pj's?"

"You're already in your pjs" She answers back, he's not even really conscious.

"I love you mommy"  He mumbles into her ear as she rubs his back, waiting for me to follow with Lexi. 

"I love you too angel"  She whispers back to him, my heart melting as I climb the stairs behind her.  This woman is so amazing with her son; I fall for her even more every time I watch her interact with him.   I could watch her with him for hours. 

We reach Jakes bedroom, both of us lowering each kid to their beds.  I pull the sheets over Lexi, placing her stuffed dog "Rags" beside her and kissing her forehead before walking to the door and waiting for Abby.  I watch her kiss Jake on the cheek and then move to Lexi to do the same.  She then walks into the bathroom and turns on a small night light, illuminating the room just enough for me to see the speckles of light reflecting off her hair.  She walks up to me and pushes my body out the door, grabbing my hand and walking me down the hall to her bedroom.  I follow her inside, letting her lead me.  Sitting down on the arm chair in the corner of her room, I watch her walk into her closet, leaving the door open. 

A few minutes later she emerges from the small room wearing a little pink tank top and a pair of short silk sleep shorts.  Its no teddy, but I don't think I have ever seen her look so beautiful.  She walks up to me and grabs my hand, pulling me up off the chair.

"Come on"  She says it quietly, moving me towards the bed, unbuttoning my shirt and sweeping it off my shoulders.  She smiles at me before moving her hands to my belt buckle; it isn't a seductive smile though, it's sweet and beautiful.  I think we both know that were not going to have sex tonight.  Not because we don't want to, but because it just doesn't seem appropriate yet with the children a couple rooms away. 

My pants come down, leaving me in my boxer briefs to climb in to bed next to Abby.  She leans over me to light a candle on the end table then reaches to the other side of the bed to switch the light off.  She settles down on my chest, her chin resting on her hands that are intertwined on top of me.  Looking up at me, she smiles, mouthing a "hi".

"Hi" I whisper back, so content in our position.  I rub my hand over her hair, playing with her long locks.  "Tell me something about you that I don't know"

"What do you mean?"  She looks up at me, her eyes shinning in the candle light.

"Just anything . . . about your childhood, your family, college . . . I want to know you better"  She looks into the distance and then back at me, a little bit of worry in her face.  She thinks for a while before she talks.

"My mother's been sick my whole life" She says it with out much expression, like it simply is a fact, something that has been accepted.

"With what?"  I ask her gently.

"She's bi-polar . . . she never took her meds when I was a kid . . or an adult really. .  . But she's been on them steadily for the past couple years"

"What's her name?"

"Maggie"

"And your dad?"

"Steven . . . but I don't know him, I never did.  It was just me and my mom and my younger brother, Eric. . . . I was really the mom though; I took care of them both."

"That's probably why you're such a good mother now"  I move my hands over her body as we talk, my fingers trailing over her shoulders to her face and then down her back.

"Maybe"  She smiles slightly, I think feeling comfortable sharing her past with me. "What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Come on"

I take a deep breath before starting my small speech.  "My brother died when I was eleven and my parents were never really the same after that.  My grandmother actually is the one that raised me from there, in a house full of servants and butlers. . . I kind of ran from it when I grew up a little and realized that the rest of the world wasn't living that way. . . but my grandmother never really approved of the direction I headed with my career choice"

"What would she have preferred?"

"She wanted me to run the foundation with her, give away money, attend galas"

"Sounds like a blast"  She teases sarcastically and I squeeze her arm playfully before speaking up again.

"How did you meet Trent?"

"We met at a bar . . . he came up to me and asked if I was 'Tracy', I guess he thought I was someone he knew"

"That was a line"  She looks up at me and raises her eyebrows, agreeing.

"Probably"

"What went wrong?"  I play with her hair, twisting it around my finger, my voice coming out gently, almost not wanting to ask but needing to know.

"I don't know . . . He, . . . he was this suave guy when I met him, someone who I never thought I would have a serious relationship with.  He was that guy that would have a different woman on his arm every time you saw him; the one that you wouldn't fall for" She rolls her eyes, chastising herself.  ". .but I totally did . . . And I knew it from day one that there was something about him that I couldn't trust, something that told me that this guy wasn't the one that I was supposed to share my life with"  She looks down at her hands, drawing circles on my chest and then back up at me.  I think I can actually see it in her face, this moment; right now she is opening up, letting me in.  "A couple years into the marriage we were both having hard times in our personal lives, but separately . . . My mother, his career . . .  It was like we couldn't be there for each other at all . . . I think that's when he started looking for other things that made him feel good, . . probably other woman"

"You don't know for sure?"  I ask her lightly, surprised to find out that someone would cheat on this woman.  I've only been with her twice and I already know that I could go on happily for the rest of my life with out sleeping with anyone but her.

"I never really wanted to know. . . I could have caught him I guess; checked his cell phone bills, followed him late at night . . . but I didn't want to.  I just let it go, I don't know why really. . . But we stayed together even through that . . . It wasn't until I lost the baby that I knew we wouldn't make it"

"Why then?" 

"He was relieved.  I was in the hospital in so much pain, and all I could remember was seeing him standing over me when I was regaining consciousness.   He had this look of relief on his face that we weren't going to have another baby; I don't know if he knew I could see it, but I did.  He never wanted to have another baby but he gave in to me because I really did, but when we lost it, I knew that that was my only chance. . . I then decided that I didn't want to have any more children with someone that didn't want them. . . After that we tried to work on it, but things were never the same.  I knew that I wanted more and that he couldn't give it to me, so it just went down hill from there."

"How many more do you want?"  I ask the question as a quick vision pops into my head.  It's me and Abby in matching baseball jerseys, a team of our children spread out on the field, all of them wearing matching baseball caps, embroidered with our family name on it, 'Carter'.

"More what?"  She breaks me out of my quick reverie.

"Kids"

"I don't know, at least one, maybe two. . . What about you"

"Yea, I do want more.  I never really thought about it until I left Ali, cuz I knew that I didn't want to have any more children with her.  She's got to be like one of the worst mothers ever." 

Abby expression turns to a sad one for a moment, I can tell that she is hurting for my little girl.  "Is that why Lexi doesn't want to go back next month?"

"She left her with a baby sitter the whole weekend she was visiting"

"That's awful"  I look down at Abby and in this moment I decide that I want to share everything with her, I feel comfortable sharing the world with her, being vulnerable and showing my upset over the situation.  She moves her hands to my arms gently rubbing down them supportively. 

"It breaks my heart for her, she's at that age in her life when she needs that mother daughter connection so badly"  I sweep my hands over Abbys hair, noting how beautifully groomed she always is, hoping that Lexi will turn out as beautiful as this woman.  "I really don't want to raise a tom boy. . . I mean, whose gonna teach her how to shave her legs and talk to her about sex and whose gonna tell her how to use a tampon when she gets her period?  Who's going to even explain to her what a period is?"

She looks at me for a long minute and I watch as her lips curl into a playful smile before she responds.

"I'll tell you what, you teach Jake how to do a lay up and I'll explain the period thing to Lexi; and buy the way, you are getting the much better deal here"  I pull her face to me, kissing her for a moment, appreciating not only that she has offered to help, but that she was able to make light of the situation as well.  I am falling in love, fast.

"I'd have to agree"

We kiss for a little while longer and then settle into a comfortable position holding each other, when I remember something that Jake started to ask me at the park.

"What was Jake asking me about some code earlier at the golf park?"

"God he's funny"  She laughs a little and shakes her head.  " . . . He's worried that we aren't safe and protected with out a man in the house, so he wants you to have the alarm code so if at any time we need rescuing, you'll be able to get to us . . .I don't know maybe he thinks your superman"  She says the whole phrase mockingly, squeezing my muscles and lifting her brow at me.

"Well I could be"  I pull her down to me to kiss her, her body on top of mine completely.  Hugging her to me, I turn her over, spooning her from behind, moving her hair to kiss the back of her neck.  We lay in a comfortable silence for a little while, rubbing our hands over each others bodies innocently.  I turn around, letting her go for a second to blow out the candle on the bedside table.  Turning back to her I take her into my arms again, Abby turning her head to kiss me sweetly and slowly.  She pulls away and cuddles into my chest, her body rising and falling in sync with my breathing. She places a small kiss on my neck before I hear her whisper into the darkness.

"I'm glad you stayed"

I run my hand down her back, trying to pull her as close to me as she can get and then whisper in her ear, "Me too".


	19. authors note

Big authors note: I know you guys have been waiting for me to update and I appologize for ditching this story for a little while. I dont think there is anymore to write on this right now though, but I am starting a sequel, The Lonely Hearts Club 2. It might take me a little while but I am going to try to get something up in the next week. If you have any ideas for it I would love that and I will actually use some of your suggestions as I am a little blocked right now. I am also starting another story as well so look for that one also in a little while. Thanks for reading!


	20. family affairs

AN: I have decided to continue this story! After all the feedback from all of you wonderful people, how could I not?! I have had a hard time writting lately, but I think that I can get back into this, I just need your support. So thanks for that. You all made me want to keep going with this story, so here it is, chapter 19. It continues directly from chapter 18, this isn't an epilogue; this story is still not over yet. PS: My spell and grammar check is once again broken, so please excuse any errors.

I wake in the morning to a bright light shinning in through the window, Johns arms tightly wrapped around my waist, his head resting on my breast. I look down at him and run my hands over his shoulders, letting my nails graze the outline of his back. I watch his back rise and fall with his breathing, my thoughts turning to our conversation in bed last night before we went to sleep. I think last night was the first time that I have really opened myself up to John, the first time that I felt comfortable sharing parts of my painful past with someone new. I think it all comes down to the fact that I trust him and feel safe with him. I want him to know me, all of me.

I smile a little and lean down in the bed, bringing my face close to his. I lay one hand on his cheek, his morning stubble prickling my fingers lightly. Leaning down, I kiss him gently, a wave of happiness washing over me. I think I am falling in love; I was never even aware that it could happen this fast.

I stir a little to look at the alarm clock; it's ten o'clock in the morning and I am wondering why the kids are so quiet and what they could be doing. There's no way that they're still sleeping. I move a little bit to get up, worried that the kids are getting into something they shouldn't. I have almost made it off the bed when Johns hand pulls me back on top of him. I turn around and smile at him, letting him bring me back into bed for a minute.

"Where are you going?" He says it in a scratchy sleepy voice, his eyes still closed, wrapping his arms tightly around me to keep me from getting up.

"I was gonna check on the kids; it's late" I kiss his chest quickly before trying to get up again.

"I was up with them a couple hours ago, I made them breakfast and now their watching a movie in the den." Okay, so I have found the most amazing man on the planet! What did I do to deserve this? Oh, that's right; I spent the last nine years of my life with an asshole.

"Where did you come from?" I ask jokingly in disbelief, clearly conveying my appreciation and surprise as I settle back down cuddling next to him.

"I was heaven sent" He jokes around, pulling me on top of him, kissing my lips slowly, rubbing his hands down my backside. I quickly get lost in the moment, not really thinking about the fact that our children are downstairs, and it's me that deepens the kiss. I let my weight fall completely on top of him, my hands inching across his bare stomach. Breaking our kiss for a moment, I lift my chest off of him, letting him pull my tank over my head. I then reach under the covers to free us both from our underwear, then settle back against him, wrapping my arms around his neck kissing him passionately. He opens his eyes for a second and quickly lifts his body up, gently pushing me off of him. I'm confused for a second and then I see what he's doing; he's going to lock the bedroom door. Smart thinking. I watch his cute naked body walk back to me and I smile at him, lying down on my back to allow him to crawl on top of me. He reaches me and pulls me up though, lying himself back down, pulling me to the position I was in before, on top. I kiss him quickly and whisper into his ear, "shh . . .quick" before positioning myself over him to allow him to move inside of me.

A short while later I crawl out of bed and look for my clothing, eager to get downstairs to make sure that the kids aren't ripping apart the house. John lies back in the bed and watches me, laughing at my haste to get down to the children. I have to make sure that the kids are occupied so I don't feel guilty for what just took place here. I throw on a pair of sweat pants and kiss John quickly. "Come down soon"

"After I recover" He yells back to me as I make my way down the stairs.

I reach the children and they are doing exactly what John said they were, watching a movie, still in their pajamas.

"Good morning angels" My tone is of pure joy, I am officially in a wonderful mood. Jake takes his eyes off the television long enough to flash me a quick smile and then offer an embarasing comment. "Hi mommy, you did'nt tell me last night that you were having a sleepover too"

"Oh, I must have forgotten" I blow off his cute coment, turning around to walk into the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. I wait for the coffee to brew, somewhat in a trance as I watch the liquid perculating.

"Hi"

I jump a little bit as I am pulled out of my trance, turning around to see John leaning against the doorway like he has been watcing me for a while now. He gives me a smile, running his fingers through his morning bed head.

"What are you doing?" I ask him as I approach him with a sly smile on my face.

"Watching you make coffee" He looks up and down my body, smiling as his eyes meet mine.

"Is that interesting?"

"Yes, very" He nods his head at me and grabs my arm, pulling me towards him and wrapping me into his chest.

"What time are you working today?"

"Umm," John pulls his left arm away from our embrace, looking down at his watch and then back up at me. "I'm on in about an hour or so. I actually need to go home soon to meet Lexi's sitter"

"Well I'm off today, why dont you leave her with me? I was gonna take Jake to the park or to a movie or something"

"Im sure she would love that, are you sure you dont mind?"

"I would love her to stay"

Hours later I am driving home with the children after watching them play with each other in the park. They were absolutely adorable today. I love that Jake and Lexi get a long so well, it makes it so much easier for John and I to be together. I love having Lexi around also, she's like the daughter I never had. John has done such an amazing job of raising her but I can tell that she needs some female guidance and I know that it's been on his mind. He was so sweet last night when he was talking about how he was going to teach her to be a lady, he was worried and genuinly looking to me for reassurance. I love that he was able to open up to me about that, I love that he trusts me to know his fears. I love that I trust him with knowing mine.

I look into the rear view mirror, glancing at the kids playing with each other in the back seat. They are whispering to each other, I think so I cant hear them, but they dont know that I can. They are talking about John and I. Saying something about how I am going to be Lexi's new mom. I smile a little bit as I keep one eye on them in the backseat, hearing Lexi ask Jake, "Do you want a baby brother or sister?" I watch as Jake looks my way and then whispers back to Lexi. "Yea, my mom one time was gonna get me one, but then she did'nt." I look back at the road remembering Jakes confussion when I told him that he wasnt going to have a baby brother or sister after all. He was sad and he did'nt understand, and there was now way I could explain to a three year old what had happened.

I turn the corner and I am knocked out of my thoughts by the soft sound of Lexi's voice again. "Well I wanted to be a big sister but my mom said she did'nt want to have another baby . . . but if my dad marries your mom then you can be my little brother"

"You could call me your brother now, and I could call you my sister" Jake offers with a spring of excitement in his voice. They are so damn cute, planning out their lives together.

"Maybe I can be the flower girl at the wedding. I was a flower girl one time and I wore a pink dress with bows in my hair"

I pull into our driveway, smiling a little and shaking my head at the children. I wish life was as easy as they think it is. I wish they could stay this innocent; there lives would be so much easier if they did'nt know all the hurt and the pain that their parents have gone through. They could have such better futures if they never learned from us, if they never knew all the mistakes we made. I want so badly to set a good example for them, to once and for all show them what a loving relationship should look like. I dont even think they understand what a marriage entails; they never saw their parents in love, they never saw an example of what a real happy family life should be. I would give anything to make them understand that; to show them what family love is all about, to teach them that marriage and partnership is more than just doing the family laundry and tucking them in together at night. I want them to know what true love is, to have happy parents that enjoy raising their children as a couple. I never had that when I was a kid; I never had two loving parents to set an example for me, and I can't help but wonder if that's why I could'nt set that example for my child either.

I walk into the house somewhat in a daze, visions of life as an all american family popping in and out of my head. I cant help but picture all the things that the children were talking about, a life with John and our children; little Lexi as our flower girl at the wedding, a new born baby in a crib next to our bed. I smile at the thought of a future with Lexi and John and worry slightly that I am rushing into this too fast. I push those thoughts out of my head though, there is no point in worrying about this, I need to just let myself go. For once, I need to let go. I am suddenly snapped out of my reverie by the children running up the stair case, the souls of Jakes shoes lighting up with each step that he takes.

After the children have eaten diner, they are parked in front of the television watching cartoons as I clean up the kitchen. The door bell rings and I suddenly perk up, excited to see John, wanting him to hang out for a while with me and the children. I walk over to the door and look at my reflection in the hall mirror first before opening it.

"Hi" I greet him with a smile on my face. I think this guy makes me glow.

"Hi" He pulls me to him and kisses me and I can't help but think that this is how things should be. I love this greeting, I crave it. I never got it with Trent, it was always just a tired hello and quick nod of our heads.

I grab Johns hand and walk him into the living room where the children are, Lexi running up to her daddy to kiss him hello. He picks her up and kisses her head, the little blondie wrapping her legs around his waist.

"Did you have a good time with Abby and Jake today?" He smiles at her and runs his hand over her hair. I love the way he loves her.

"Yea, we went to the park and played video games and ate popsicles."

He kisses his little girls cheek and puts her down, grabbing my hand and bringing me back closer to him. I pull him over to the couch and yank his hand to sit down and relax with us, giving him a tilt of my head that says that I want him to stay a while.

"How was your shift, busy?"

"Nothing out of the ordinary. How was your day with the kids?" We sound like such a comfortable couple, an on looker might think that we have been together forever and that these children are ours together. I smile at the thought of that before answering him.

"It was good. I love having Lexi around, she's an angel."

"I'll take credit for that" I smile at him and pull his hand into my lap, bringing him closer to me to cuddle on the couch. We sit in a peaceful and comfortable silence for a while, watching the children playing video games and laughing with each other. A few minutes later Lexi gets up and moves to the couch, wanting to sit with her daddy and me. I pull her into my lap and lean back against John, cuddling Lexi to my chest, playing with her long blond hair. I stroke my hands over her head, my fingers combing through a couple of knots in her hair. I look down at her and notice a littlle butterfly patch on the back of her t-shirt, my fingers grazing over it, I cant help but start to wonder what it would be like to raise a little girl. I continue to watch the screen on the the television, some little ninja man kicking through a gate and then making his way up to a castle. Jake loves playing this game. Pulling Lexi's hair into a braid, I feel Johns hands on my back, rubbing up and down over my shoulders and down the sides of my arms.

"That looks pretty" He whispers in my ear as I grab my own rubber band to secure her hair. I think that he likes watching me bond with Lexi, I know he thinks that I am good for her.

"Hmm?" I look back at him, not fully aware of what he was saying.

"The braid . . . She always asks me to braid her hair but I dont know how"

I squeeze his leg and smile gently, cuddling closer to him, pulling Lexi with us. A moment of silence goes by, the three of us resting comfortably on the couch, when suddenly the sounds of a crash escape from the television.

"I died!" Jake throws the remote control on the floor, stomping over to the couch, tired of trying to beat the game tonight. He scoots me over, meandering his way onto the sofa, sitting on top of me and John. I move over happily for him, John keeping one arm around my shoulders, the children cuddling in the middle of us. I look over at the man sitting next to me, a glimmer in his eyes, and I can tell that he's thinking the same thing that I am. This is wonderful, the four of us huddled on the couch, so close that we are all almost falling of of it, but we would'nt have it any other way.


	21. first day fall

AN: Okay, here is your next chapter. There is a bit of a crisis, but you all know me, everything will be okay! This chapter takes place about six or so weeks after the last chapter. And also- I don't know anything about medicine so please don't go commenting on my bad medical jargon or wrong prognosis's. Ya'll know that that's not what is the most important part of the story! Again, thanks for reading my fic!

I step outside into the ambulance bay, the fresh air sweeping over my face and into the crevices between my skin and my clothing as I make my way through the parking structure to my car. The summer is almost over and it's starting to cool down again; the days becoming shorter, the night sky creeping over Chicago a little bit earlier these last couple of days. Children are returning to school and things around the hospital are starting to settle into a steady rhythm; well as steady as you can get in an emergency room. I am finally completely settled in here, my house full of furniture now and Lexi is starting her new school tomorrow. Luckily she was accepted to the same school that Jake goes to; it's so perfect for all of us.

Driving home my thoughts turn to Abby. I missed her today. It was the first day in a long time that I worked a whole shift without her being there working with me. It was weird without her around the hospital, not getting to see her pretty face, her bangs hanging in her eyes. I love to just watch her work, to take a couple seconds to glance over at her. Even when she is at the complete other end of the hospital, I somehow always seem to know where she is, I sense her presence, I can smell her. She knows I watch her. It's this little game we play, sneaking glances and smiles at one another; I think she likes it. Every day I fall deeper in love with Abby and everyday I think about when I can finally tell her that. It's only been a couple of months since we started dating, but ever since then I can't seem to get through a day without her. I love her. I need her. I can't figure out how I went so long without the love and affection that I get on a daily basis. How did I spend seven years starved of affection?

I turn the corner and my phone rings loudly on the center console. I smile to myself as I look at the caller ID. Speak of the devil, it's the princess herself.

"I missed you today" I pick up the phone cheerfully, excited to hear my girlfriend's voice.

"You did" It sounds like she's in a good mood too.

"I did"

"You guys getting ready for school tomorrow?"

"In bed by nine o'clock"

"Me too" I smile at the thought of her tucking Jake into bed tonight. I love how amazing she is with her baby.

"You want to meet for breakfast after dropping off the kids?"

"Sure, uh, meet me at the flag pole at like eight thirty?"

"I'll see you then"

I place a kiss on Lexi's cheek before walking out of her new classroom to look for the flag pole where I'm supposed to meet Abby. I walk down a path through ivy covered archways, admiring the beautiful grounds of our new private school. Looking around I spot Abby from far away sitting at the base of the tall flagpole, her long golden hair blowing in the new autumn wind. I stop and lean against a bench under the archway, wanting to watch her for a moment before I meet her. This is the best time to look at her, when she doesn't know I'm watching, when her guard is completely down and all I can see is true beauty. I can't help that I am so enamored with her, it's like there's a magnetic force that pulls me to her; I can't control it. A few minutes later I push off of the bench, smiling as I make my way up to her from behind. I reach her and gently place my hands on her shoulders, running them down her arms and leaning over to kiss her cheek as she looks up at me.

"Hi" I kiss her more, turning her face towards me for the real deal.

"Hi" She smiles as I let her go, sitting down next to her. "How was Lexi's teacher, did you meet her?"

"Yea, she seemed really nice and I think Lexi liked her a lot . . .She wanted you to come meet her too."

"Well I'll go meet her tomorrow when I pick up the kids from school."

I smile as I think about Abby going to meet Lexi's teacher. I wonder if she'll introduce herself as my girlfriend. I wonder what Abby will tell the teacher when she asks what type of relationship she has with my daughter. In the last couple of months Abby and Lexi have grown incredibly close; Abby basically treats her like she is her own. We help each other so much with our children, but we like to, it isn't a chore, we want to do it. We want to be a family, at least that's the impression I get. I'm pulled out of my thoughts by Abby's smiling face, snapping her hands in front of my eyes.

"Hey, earth to John!"

"Sorry"

"What are you thinking?"

"Oh, nothing . . .I put you down as an emergency contact"

"Ha?" She looks confused, my statement was pretty random.

"You know, on all the forms you have to fill out . . . Under uh, 'significant other'"

"Oh, yea, I put you down too" I smile at that, I love that.

"You did?"

"Yep" The school bell rings and I pull Abby up to sit her on my lap just to get her as close to me as possible. I wrap her in my arms, kissing her neck, smiling into her shoulder before I speak.

"I like that"

"What?"

"Significant other"

"What do you think about 'girlfriend'?"

"How about 'the most beautiful sexiest girlfriend'"

"I don't think they had a section for that on the emergency contact form" She's joking around and smiling; there is nothing I like more than seeing this woman smile. I stand us up and pull Abby's hand behind me. "Come on sexy girlfriend, I'm starving"

An hour later Abby and I walk into the hospital, our fingers intertwined, no longer worried about hiding our relationship from our co-workers. Everybody knows by now that Abby is getting divorced and that we are together. It took a lot of looks for a while and a lot of people asking 'Isn't she married?' until the word got out that she was recently separated but also recently taken, by me. After dropping our stuff off in the lounge we both pick up our first charts and travel into opposite directions to start a busy shift.

I walk past the admit desk half way through my shift, throwing a chart into the dispo basket and picking up another. I walk into curtain area three to assess my next patient when suddenly my pager goes off, vibrating against my side. I pick it up and expect to see four numbers, ones that would direct me to a section of the hospital where I am in need. There are seven numbers though lit up on the screen, seven numbers that I don't recognize. I walk past my patient and pick up the phone on the wall, dialing the number quickly, half expecting that who ever paged probably got the wrong number.

"Briarwood School" I hear the words and a wave of panic rushes over me. Something must have happened to Lexi!

"Yes, this is John Carter, I got a page. Is there something wrong with my daughter?"

"Um, no Dr. Carter, our page is concerning Jake Lockhart. We tried to reach his mother but we didn't get an answer." My eyes dart around the hospital looking for Abby in every direction. I am just as panicked as I was when I thought that my own child was hurt.

"What happened? Is he okay?"

"An ambulance just picked him up; he fell off of the jungle gym in the play yard."

"How high up was he? Did he loose consciousness? What hospital are they taking him to?"

"I think county general sir"

"Thanks"

I hang up on the receptionist and dart out of the room, franticly looking for Abby. I spot her across the hospital through the glass on the double doors of trauma one. She's working on what looks like a critical patient. I run toward the trauma room, passing Luka and then turning around quickly, reaching back for his arm as an idea enters my mind.

"Hey Luka, I need you to come cover for Abby. It's an emergency"

"What's wrong Carter?" I run toward the trauma room, Luka running behind me.

"Her son's hurt. I need to pull her out of that trauma"

The two of us burst through the doors to the trauma room, and for a second I stop to think about how I am going to tell Abby that her son is hurt. Luka steps up to Abby and gently pushes her to the side as I approach her from the other and grab her arm firmly.

"Abby, I need you. I got Luka to cover for you"

"What?" She looks up from her patient confused.

"Just go Abby" Luka firmly orders her. She drops what she's doing and lets him step in, looking at me with a questioning stare, unsure of what's going on. I walk her out of the trauma and grab her hand, steadying her in case she freaks out when I tell her what happened.

"The school paged me, Jake fell off of the jungle gym in the playground."

"What?! What! Shit! It's the first fucking day of school!" She grabs her pager out her pocket and runs to the phone, panicked. I grab her arm before she can get too far, trying to communicate that she doesn't have to call the school because Jake is on his way over here already.

"No, no, no, come on, ambulance bay, they're bringing him here right now" She turns around and runs out the doors along side of me. "Didn't you get a page?" I ask her as I look over at her, noticing her eyes starting to get teary.

"I was in trauma, I didn't recognize the number" Her tone is harsh and panicked.

The rig pulls up and Abby and I both run up to it pounding on the back doors for them to open up quicker. A second later a tech opens the back and jumps out as Abby jumps in, tears streaming down her face. I hop in behind her, holding onto her, realizing that she probably shouldn't work on her own son.

"Jake! Jakey can you hear me?! Jakey open your eyes baby! Jake?!" She looks up at me as I grab the gurney, pushing it off the truck, checking Jakes vitals as he lays silently unconscious.

"How long has he been out?" I ask before the tech gives me the bullet. It seems that he hit his head quite hard.

The gurney smashes through the trauma room doors as Dr. Chen joins us to help out, Abby barking out orders before we even get a chance to transfer poor Jake onto the bed. I have Deb run the trauma, knowing that Abby shouldn't even be here. I grab her hand and push her away from the gurney, trying to escort her out the doors as she fights me off.

"No, no, no, John, no, let me stay, John let me stay" She's hysterical and cant possibly be any help to her son at this point. I win this one, seeing that I am stronger than she is, although she's putting up an excellent fight. I push the doors open and grab her shoulders, her chest heaving out as she tries to catch her breath. I reach to grab her face quickly, making her focus on me for just a second.

"Abby do you trust me?" She looks in through the glass and then back at me, still shaking uncontrollably, but she manages to shake her head yes.

"Then let me take care of Jake" I say it gently, making her look me in the eyes, wanting her to truly understand and trust that I am going to help her child. She shakes her head yes again, wiping her tears away as I run back into the trauma room.

A half hour later Deb and I have gotten Jake stabilized before I wave Abby in from where she's standing outside watching us. She enters the room and walks quietly up to the bed, taking Jakes hand in hers and kissing it lightly.

"Baby, Jakey . . . You have to wake up now angel" When Jake doesn't move, she looks up at me, communicating that she wants to hear his prognosis.

"He was slipping in an out of consciousness for a little while but I think he'll come around soon. There are no superficial lacerations but it looks like he's got a wrist fracture." I hold the x-ray up to light for Abby to see the fracture. She looks up quickly and shakes her head at me, communicating that she's hearing everything I'm saying even though her eyes divert right back to Jake. I watch her as a tear escapes down her cheek, her eyes bloodshot and tired from the all the work they've been doing. I move to cover her hand with mine, wanting so badly to comfort her right now, but somehow I think that she doesn't want that. I look down at Jake and then up at her, squeezing her hand again.

"Did you call Trent?" I ask gently.

"Yea, he's on his way"

"Well we'll take Jake to CT after he gets here"

She shakes her head as I turn to the wall to look at the x-ray again, trying to determine the best course of action for Jakes wrist fracture. It's going to be easiest to set this while he's still unconscious. I pull out the tools I am going to need and immediately start working on Jakes cast. I pick a new print that we just got in, a camouflage gauze wrap, he'll probably love that. I move to the other side of the bed and sit next to Abby, rubbing her back for a moment before dipping the gauze into the plaster. I work in silence, listening to Abby talk to Jake as she strokes over his hair.

"Your daddy's on his way over baby. He'll be here real soon."

A couple minutes later I look up from my work, noticing a man in a suit standing at the glass double doors. I look over at Abby as she gets up and walks towards Trent, a pang of jealously shooting through my body. He gets to comfort her now. I just saved her son, and he gets to comfort her. I shake my head out and look at Jakes peaceful little face, chiding myself for being immature. This is Jakes father; he has every right to be here with his family.

Looking back down to continue my work on Jakes wrist, I can't help but notice Abby and Trent out of the corner of my eye. He's hugging her. Her head is buried in his neck; his arms are wrapped around her back tightly. I turn my head more to look over their way, making sure that I'm not too obvious. He's whispering something in her ear and rubbing her back. I cringe at the sight of this. I know it's not a big deal, but I can't help it anyway. I don't want any other men touching my girlfriend like that, not even the father of her son. I have to be understanding here though. This is Jakes father, the closest link to her son, and Jake is hurt right now, and what feels best for Abby is being close to the man that created him with her, a man that looks just like her son. I get it, I really do, but I still don't like it. I continue to stare, unable to pull my eyes away from them, but then they start to turn around and I see that Trent has spotted me watching. I look away quickly, trying to make it seem that I just so happened to be looking that way for a brief moment, but he probably knows that that wasn't the case. I wonder if Abby has told him that I'm her boyfriend. I wonder if he knows that it's me.

He looks into the trauma room at Jake and for the first time I notice his eyes. They are piercing green, like his sons. I never thought I could see those eyes looking so harsh; on Jake they are warm and innocent, on this man they're uninviting and almost intimidating. The door opens and Trent walks in behind Abby. I look back at Jake and think for a second that I should leave the room and let them be alone with their son. I move to walk out, crossing over Abby and Trent and suddenly I feel a hand on my arm, pulling me back to the side of the gurney. I turn around and look at Abby who is folding my hand into hers, holding me next to her. She squeezes my hand and looks up at me, her big brown eyes silently asking me to stay.

"Trent, you remember John Carter" She croaks out the words, all her energy exerted from her earlier panic. Trent extends his hand to shake mine but looks at me wearily, I think confused for a minute. He might not remember meeting me and it looks like the wheels in his head are turning, placing me at the birthday party where he met me, probably putting two and two together to figure out that I'm the doctor that's doing his ex. This is uncomfortable, but Abby doesn't seem fazed by it, probably because her main concern is her unconscious son lying on the bed in front of us.

"Did you treat my son?" Trent asks hurriedly.

"Yes, uh . . . he's got a wrist fracture and is still unconscious, but his spontaneous eye movement suggests that he's probably going to wake up sometime soon. We're going to take him to have a cat scan when you're done visiting"

"Thanks"

I look up at him and shake my head, noticing him look down at Jake and then over at Abby's hand clasped with mine. I don't pull away from her but it feels awkward, especially when I notice out of the corner of my eye that Trent is looking from Abby to me. I don't acknowledge this though; actually I continue to look down at Jake, pretending that I didn't notice that Trent is figuring us out.

"Can we have a moment alone with our son?"

Abby looks up at Trent with a harsh expression, surprised that he would ask me to leave, but I don't take offence. It's not like I expect this guy to like me. I don't like him either, in fact I hate him for the way he treated my girlfriend. I despise him, but my professional demeanor would never suggest that. I know how to control my angry feelings and I know when it's an appropriate time to show them. He probably doesn't even want to be alone with Jake; I bet he's asking me to leave because he wants to be alone with Abby. He's probably going to use Jake being hurt as an opportunity to get close to her while she's vulnerable. I cringe at he thought of him putting his hands on her right when I leave and it kills me that I can't do anything about it.

Abby looks at me with a soft expression and lets my hand go, silently apologizing for Trents request. I walk out through the double doors and glance one last time at the two of them through the glass windows. I really hope he doesn't try anything with her, I hope he doesn't touch my girlfriend. He might have been married to her for a while but he isn't anymore and it isn't his right to touch her like he used to. Not even if she is upset and vulnerable. For some reason I can see it in his eyes, the way he looks at her. I know that look, its kind of the way I used to look at her. The look of longing, the look that says, 'I wish you were mine'. I don't blame him though; I can't even believe he ever let her go. What was he thinking?

An hour and a half later I walk up the stairs to Jakes room. I think by now I have given the family enough alone time. Not that I'm upset about it, but I do think that it would be appropriate to comfort my girlfriend now and be with her and Jake. Lifting the chart from the basket on the door, I study it closely, reading Chens notes that there was no damage found in the CAT scan. Relieved, I open the door slowly, half expecting to find Trent sitting with Abby in his arms. I don't know why, I just can't stop imagining it and I have clearly blown this out of proportion by now. I look around the room, a little surprised that he isn't here. It's just Abby, in a chair next to the bed, her head resting on Jakes good arm; she is peacefully sleeping. I walk up behind her and gently rub my hand down her back, urging her to wake up a little bit. Her eyes flicker a bit and before she opens them she stretches out her back, taking in a sleepy breath. I kneel down next to her and kiss her forehead, my face at her level now.

"Hi"

"Hi" Her voice is raspy, laced with sleep.

"When did Trent leave?"

"A long time ago. Where have you been?"

"I wanted to give you guys some time . . . I thought he would be here longer" She shakes her head no and stands up, grabbing my arm and guiding me onto the chair. She then sits back down, curling herself onto my lap, into my body like she is trying to crawl inside of me. I pull my arms around her and hug her closer, kissing the top of her head and rubbing down her back.

"I'm glad you're here" She whispers it into the air, but I hear it loud and clear and I can't help but smile.

A few minutes of silence go by as we sit peacefully holding each other. I can feel Abby's heart still pounding rapidly, she is still shaky and I can tell that she's trying to control her anxiety as her body vibrates against my chest. I pull my arms even tighter around her, holding her body to mine, trying to squeeze out her nervous shaking.

"You know he's gonna be okay"

"I just want him to wake up John . . . He shouldn't be out for this long."

"I know sweetie . . . Lets just give it a little longer"

She shakes her head into my neck as I feel a small tear drop softly onto my chest. I lift my hands up to her head and turn her face to look up at me, her wet eyes shinning like glass, reflecting the light from the lamp at Jakes bedside. I look down at her and make eye contact, sweeping her bangs out of her face before I whisper to her.

"You know, you look beautiful when you're crying. . . I noticed that the day after I met you, when you were in the lounge hugging Susan . . . you were crying."

"I must look awful" She sniffles a little and wipes the tears out of her eyes, a little bit self conscious, but I move her hands away.

"No" I shake my head at her and finger her jaw line, moving my thumb to her lips. "I think you're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen"

After discharging my last patient I turn to the board and notice that it has been completely cleared. It's almost midnight and the hospital has turned into a ghost town, which is great for me because I can finally go upstairs to visit with Jake and Abby. I climb up the stairs slowly dragging my feet, the stress of this day weighing heavily on my body; I can barely make it up the stairs. I open the door and find what I did when I came up here previously, Abby sleeping soundly next to Jake who is also still asleep. I move over to her and kiss her cheek, Abby stirring lightly at my touch.

"Don't you think you should go home and get some sleep?" I offer, even though I know she wouldn't leave Jake.

"I don't want to go anywhere." She says it with her eyes closed, still half asleep. I take a couple steps away from her as she looks up at me, silently asking me where I am going.

"I'll be right back"

I walk down the hall to the storage closet and grab a fold-out cot along with some sheets and a couple of pillows. Walking back to Jakes room, I stop and pick up the phone on the wall to call down to the ER to tell Jerry that I am going to take an extended break. I open the door and walk in with the cot and I see something today that I haven't seen in way too long, a smile. Its small, but Abby's lips curl up just enough to pass as a little smile. I walk over to the side of Jakes bed and unfold the cot, covering it with a few sheets and throwing the pillows on top of it. I then walk back over to Abby and grab her hand, pulling her up from the chair and bringing her over to the bed that I made her. She's like a baby doll right now, letting me lead her and take care of her. I think she's too out of it to do anything for her self right now.

Sitting her down, I take her shoes off and then reach for the pair of fresh scrubs that I grabbed for her. I move my fingers to the hem of her shirt and she instinctively lifts her arms over her head for me to pull it off of her. I drape her shirt over a chair and reach behind her to unclasp her bra, pulling it down her arms and off of her body, before pulling the clean scrub top over her head. She then lifts her hips off the bed for me to take her pants off. All the while we are silent, the glow of the street lights creeping in through the shudders on the windows. I pull the scrub bottoms up to her hips and get up to close the shudders, the blackness of night masking the cold and sterile room. Moving over to the cot, I lie down next to Abby, pulling her into my arms, holding her close to me. She stirs a little before she gets comfortable, facing me, her head resting in the crevice of my neck.

"John?"

"Yea?"

"Thank you . . . for being here. . . for everything . . .for taking care of Jake. . . just . . .thank you"

"Abby" I pause for a second. What I really want to say is that I'd do anything for her because I love her. But I just can't say it now; it's not the right time. So I decide to only give half the answer that I wanted to. "Abby, I would do anything for you."

"You would?"

"Yes I would" It's on the tip of my tongue and I'm doing everything that I can not to blurt it out. I have to do it; I have to tell her, now-

"Abby, I –

"Mommy?" The words are half way out of my mouth when we both hear Jakes little voice coming from the bed next to us. We Jump up quickly, Abby is at his bedside before I could blink my eyes.

"Jake, baby, hi baby" I turn on the bedside lamp just in time to see Abby kissing her sons forehead, a huge smile on her face. I could almost see the weight being lifted from her shoulders.

"Mommy, I have a headache"

"I know angel. John and I are gonna make you feel better though. We were waiting all day for you to wake up"


End file.
